SadG wants to be happyG

Hi G my friend, i am back and hopefully on the straight and narrow ! not kidding myself, it wont be easy but with friends like you i am certain i can get back to where i was 3 or 4 weeks ago.

Great to see you doing so well, keep in touch, Dark Place

Hi G, how are you my firend ? just checking in to make sure you are ok ? I am well and truly back in the groove, lets hope i can stay there ! have a great week my friend. Bad weekend of football for both of us, not sure what happened with us, not 1 shot on goal !!!! Dark Place

Good morning G.

Your words on my diary i find very humbling, after starting gambling again some 4 or 5 weeks ago i am not sure i really deserve them ;-/ however i am nearly 2 weeks free again of this curse. I am feeling strong again and realise there is no place in my life anymore for gambling. Thank you for all your support my friend even when i was at my lowest point, it will never ever by forgotten.

Have a great Sunday and week ahead. Dark Place

Hi friend

Just checking in to see how you are ? not many posts these days, i guess you have turned your life around so much there isnt the need ! thats truly great, have a great weekend my friend, Dark Place

Hey DP

That is the reality of it for me. I have retrained my brain. Gambling just isn't a part of my life any more. Hence my time is taken up in so many other more positive ways . I am incredibly busy these days and do think about this site only every couple of weeks. Maybe that's wrong but I think a little distance is ok. Stops gambling being at the forefront of my mind all the time.

This site saved my life. No two ways about it. I still return to check on friends but sometimes at work just for 10 mins rather than sitting at home for hours as in the first couple of months. I would read post after post looking for inspiration and motivation.

For anyone reading this first time I truly was broken last year. Gambling debts built up to around 40K(bank loans). This was debt I couldn't afford. I was lying constantly to my wife and kids as to why they couldn't go out for dinner, or on holiday, or have new clothes or pocket money or home improvements. I was so obsessed that every note in my pocket was for gambling with and that I would get on a hot streak and win 1000's. What a mug I was. I cracked on the 16th Nov 2012 and realised my life was spiralling out of control. This site saved me 100%.

I am now 10 months gamble free today. Last week my oldest boy passed his driving test and this proud dad bought him a car. That was impossible last year. I was a selfish W****r. Last month I took my daughter on a day shopping. Spending spree on clothes. £300 and not a thought of gambling or how to get that money back. Priceless moments in the mind of the ex-gambler. That is the reality to me about how my life has changed. To be able to impact on my children's lives in a positive way is the greatest feeling. My 6 year old doesn't need money spent on him. He just needs my time and he gets that now in abundance. Now I'm on the floor playing games with him, going swimming with him, hanging out with him instead of being glued to my laptop, locked away upstairs in a room, playing hand after hand of blackjack.

I spend more time with friends. Meeting for drinks and dinners instead of putting them off because I was on the back end of a 5 hour Blackjack session, skint, tired and angry because I'd been winning a couple of grand and sat there and done it all back plus more. I want to go out to meet them because I feel good to be with them and not sat at a laptop crushed by my latest loss.

10 months has taught me I value my family, my friends, my work and work colleagues, my gym training, my sports, my health and sanity.

I am living proof to now that you can make a change. Gambling took so much from me. It will never take from me again. this is the life I craved all those years and whilst it's far from perfect and I have 3 more years of paying off the debts I will take this life over the one I was living 10 months ago all f*c**ng day long my friends.

Still haven't been able to quit the smoking(and I'm a gym fanatic these days) but hey I won't beat myself up too much on that one. That will come soon. I have a steely determination these days so the smoking gods will soon being going the same way the gambling gods went- out of my life.

So after the most amazing 10 months of my life, after soul searching, facing up to reality and being brutally honest with myself I am enjoying my life and my family and I hope they are enjoying being with their husband and father. To this day they have no idea I post on here and how this site saved my life. For that I have many to thank. DarkPlace, Bear, Duncs and many others I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words inspired me, your support held me up through those tough early times. I owe you all so much.

Happy G

SadG - I'm an emotional person at the moment (see my post in Family and Friends) so apologies when I say I have just read your last posting and I cried.

I think what you have done, what you have achieved, how you speak about your life now is amazing and uplifting to those who are trying not to gamble.

My boyfriend has two kids and he often speaks about how he has no money from gambling to buy them things, take them places etc

He is in Residential Rehab at the moment for 14weeks, when he comes out, I want to show him your diary and what you have achieved to help motivate him that recovery is possible.

I would also love my friends to come on this. Having heard what he has done over the last few weeks (stole a large amount of money from me) they keep saying "once a gambler always a gambler, it's better that you found out now before you married him and had kids" - but I know, deep down, that a life of gambling is not what he wants, I know deep down who he really is and what he is like and I am willing to give him a second chance and support him in his journey - but people don't understand.

You should be extremely proud of what you have achieved - enjoy your non gambling life with a smile 🙂

Dear G

My good friend, firstly a massive well done for reaching 10 months ! we started this journey together and i have watched you evolve and change your life around. i have said it before and i will say it again, you are a shining example of what can be achieved and that all hope is not lost when someone is at rock bottom. You are my peer and saviour too, i could not be on is journey without your support and the bears. One year milestone i will be joining you for a beer and we can sit down together and just enjoy them with a smile on our faces, yes we can say ! we truly kicked this S***e disease in to touch and chose to turn our lifes around. God bless you and your family, your friend Dark Place

Happy G

Fella it felt great to type that!!

10 months taking your life back, gifting those around you a better life too.

My friend something to be very proud of.

Keep making the right choice.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Just wondering if you are still going to do the Everest thing next year as surely a fitting celebration of such a brill achievement.

xxx

Hi G my friend.

Its obvious you have changed your life around completely, this is so great to see ! please dont foget your friends who still need you here, you have been the source of inspiration to so many, not least me even if i have relapsed a couple of times. I hope i have really learnt my lesson, hope to hear from you soon.

Dark Place

Sick Sick Sick!!!

10 months of abstaining and then I blew it 3 weeks ago. All my hard work undone on a moment of pure and utter weakness. Major blowout too. the usual old devil sat on my shoulder as I got angry with myself for gambling again and I chased the losses, the red mist had descended.

Was so angry with myself and took a few weeks off from posting on here to try to get my head together. Felt too ashamed to come on here and talk about it.

Then today wham, I go and do it again only worse. I cannot, cannot, cannot believe that I have done this again twice in a month. I feel physically sick to the pit of my stomach. Just got paid and blew it all. All I can think about is how I've ruined myself again.

All the old feelings of guilt have come flooding back. All the feelings I never wanted to feel again have hit me.

Tomorrow is day 1. I am in turmoil. I am angry, I am ashamed, I am embarrassed by my actions. I am a gambling addict. I am sick!!!!!

Back to being SadG.

G...

Good to hear from you, although gutted re. the circumstances. I'll admit I was thinking about your diary the other day and wondering when your 12 months was due...

What can I say mate? You have slipped up - there's nothing I can say to strip away the guilt, regret, bitterness - whatever you are feeling. What I will say is the obvious: this is merely a slip up in your long path to recovery. For 6-9 months, your diary has been full of inspirational stuff. Full of what abstinence is bringing you: more time with the loved ones, less pressure/stress, the ability to treat your family etc etc. You have been an example to people on here.

And this is my point - you can and will get back on the correct path again. You've proved already how easily it can be done. It just goes to show that you cannot give this horrible beast an inch... get back on here, start posting, and never feel too ashamed to open up. You will always find sympathetic, understanding perspectives from like-minded people.

Dust yourself down and go again pal.

Chin up

D123

My Dear friend Sadg

I will be honest and say that i was missing your posts here and as D123 says you have been a source of inspiration to so many not least me for such a long time. I kind of accepted you might not be back because you had moved on so much in your life and probably was thinking you did not want to hear any more negative thoughts/comments about gambling !

Then WHOOOOSH ! i see your post and the reason you had been away is because of your lapse ! my friend , i never thought i would see the day when you would make this type of post and i am truly gutted for you and your FAMILY !!! as you have read, i have lapsed a couple of times since my long abstinence period, its truly a horrible feeling and i sympaphise with you, not just because you are gambling again but also the realisation that all the hard work you had put in was for nothing ! I can now say that actually all the hard work was not for nothing because i am certain this is just another part of us stopping for the long run ! try to get back to that frame of mind when we both started our original journey together, yes we are back at the start but surely we can be stronger now and have more understanding why we lapsed and started again ? take a DEEP DEEP breath and register in your mind, i dont want this anymore or any more lapses ! i am here for you G, you have always been here for me and you have not let me down, you never can !

Lets start the process again together, we really can do this i promise you.

your friend, Dark Place /

Sad g sorry to hear about your slip up, you was doing so well, I've been gambling hard over the last few months, finally told the mrs P, she knows enough but not to the full extent, looks like ive gotta come back in here to start again with my recovery though I was strong enough!! Hope your well. You can overcome this we both can

Thanks guys, I knew you'd support me. You've always been there. It's what we do on here but I know I need a serious reality check on this one.

10 months and then wham, 2 big losses. It just reinforces my knowledge that I cannot and never will win anything from gambling so why do it? Why even bother thinking I can win a few hundred and then walk away. What did I miss so badly that I just wanted to have a 'little go'. I did my brains and chased just like I used to. That red mist that used to get me angry is clearly still there.

My emotions and my life improved no end in the last 10 months. My finances were marginally better as I have a lot of debt to pay off. These 2 gambling stints in the last 2 paydays have been a very expensive financial and emotional lesson about dropping your guard and learning that monster sits on my shoulder at all times waiting, waiting, waiting.

I need to get back to where I was. Now have to dip into the savings for this month to get by and will have to blag my wonderful wife about how xmas is coming and we have to be real careful with our money this month. Shameful!!

So let this journey begin once again. Today is day 2 and I'm off to work so there will be no gambling.

I'm back on here guys for all the wrong reasons but I understand I need you and this site. Thanks again for the support.

G