Well where to begin....I've been a member since 2007 & finally early 2008 can clean to my husband and stayed clean for a very long time - I used to be an online roulette gambler and maxed out his credit cards on more than one occasion.
Everything has been great, normal life no cravings, then about a year ago convinced I was okay with it, had a play on slits online.
I had fun and won a bit more often than not fast forward a few months and realised it was becoming almost a daily thing but yet I was still winning.
Over last few days been on self destruct and the old chasing mentality has been back with me in spades.
Over last 24 hours I have done about £900, and I despise myself for it !!!!
I still have just under £4000 in the bank and a steady income and my husband's on a good salary but I'm finding it very hard to stay off my online site- I've had slot wins over 600 to 1000 on there quite often and there's a voice in my head saying go on you could still get back to where you were...
Rationally I know that's rubbish and my addiction talking, after all I've been much worse before and stopped.
Basically I'm really scared....
At least I've made a start by posting here.
Take care everyone and never stop being vigilant.
W
Welcome back
What worked for you last time you stopped gambaling for a long period? Just had a quick glance over your last diaries and hopefully the site is a bit more chatty than way back then.
All the best look forward to reading more of your story
Deano
Thanks Deano it's true I need to rebuild my road blocks and get back to what was successful before. Just shows its easy to be suckered back in and believe your in control......until your not and all the self hatred kicks in when you come back to reality having blown money you could have used for yourself & not given away to online casino's.
I think they should be banned in the UK as they are in the US, in the grip of compulsion it's far too easy to keep hitting that deposit button, doesn't even feel like real money until it's too late.
I've had a really good few days, no desires to gamble as yet but I'm staying watchful.
Night all and take care xx
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