I've thought about this topic a lot over the last eight months and in some ways it follows on from recent ones.
I recognise that my brain is more AC than dc and at some point in life there has been a short circuit in the wiring. To fix this I've put in a short cut and then adopted this in my life.
I think that through my addiction it was learned behaviour of looking for the easy way. Gambling was going to be my shortcut to life. Several big wins and retire at 18 years old. At 56 I was still waiting for something that would never happen and even if it did, I wouldn't have walked away.
Where I have built up this relationship between not facing life and going for shortcuts to gambling as a solution, my brain says they are hand in hand. I have to watch out for shortcuts.
When I started the steps I thought, I will read the big book on day one, look up all the answers online and then coast through six months - no shortcuts
Playing puzzle games on the phone, it sets an impossible one to do, so the player buys a bonus - no shortcuts
I was trying to get recovery done, finances fixed, trust back and back to normal in the first month - no shortcuts
I guess I've got to learn that nothing worth having is given with no effort, no different to recovery.
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