Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Gavin
Fella help yourself by seeking professional help my friend,for me the only shame would be if you don't, alcohol without doubt unlocked the demon,the effect if not financial is equally if not more destructive.
Keep your head above that sand my friend.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs.

Thanks Duncs seeing addictions team friday, i just cant seem to break the cycle of the 3 or 4 binge a week, followed by 2-3 days cessation sometimes 4 then bang off we go again. Over the past month i've got back into the gambling as well, thats when my head really started to go. I need some period of sobriety a month or whatver to get my head back into shape as im all over the place at the minute. wife and me both off on annual leave from, friday which is good, as i shell be about . its all about breaking that cycle of starting to feel better again then boom off we go again! been like that for 6 years- thats when the morning drinking began, hiding of drinks, i worry over everything and ill admit and im very self centred , a fault which i must overcome.

back to square one.

Hi gav. I'm not sure if I've ever posted to you before but feel minded to as you seem in so much pain. There's not much I can say really that other good people haven't already said, but there's two things from your recent posts that I wanted to touch on. Firstly, your son's Autusm. You have to know you didn't cause it...in the same way I didn't cause it in my son. One day science will give us the reason (most likely a combination of different genes). But having a child with special needs can and often does place extra strain on parents, families, relationships. Coming to terms with it and getting whatever help is available can reduce some of that strain so I hope you've got some support around that. All kids need their parents but maybe ours a bit more so.

I know about the Sinclair Method. Was it suggested to you by your GP? I'm no scientist but the reasoning behind it made sense to me. Pharmalogical extinction. I've got the book and tried it myself but I had no medical support (I bought the tablets online) and ultimately I didn't feel confident going it alone. What if something went wrong (they're quite strong medications). In the 6 months that I tried it it had a very positive affect on my drinking habits. I really did lose the urge for that first drink so my at home drinking virtually stopped and if I was out somewhere social I'd have one or two and that was me done. But, I didn't keep it up and so the effect has now been lost. Our drinking patterns are very different and I'm not a huge drinker but more of an every day glass or two which adds up to unhealthily over my safe limits most weeks. The thing with the Sinclair method is that it requires you to drink. You have to have the alcohol for extinction to take place so I doubt that you'd be able to attend AA at the same time. I think it's also really important to recognise and look at what's behind the addictions. As my drinking went down my gambling/eating went up. Without addressing the root causes it just switched to something else. Talk it through with the addictions team and maybe your AA friend. IMHO medication alone (whatever that is) won't do it. You need support, connection and help to do it. You're taking lots of steps in the right direction. Keep taking them. I really wish you well. LB x

Thanks Life Begins for advice, i agree with what you are saying, i know deep down i didnt cause my sons Autism but since he's been born i've more or less been a mess, not always theres times i do nice things im not a complete bas*ard but the drink (and gambling) are beginning to take more and more of a hold on me, we all know about the progressiveness of addiction. He's just so low in confidence it makes me feel ill, and he knows he different. I need to be there for him for both my kids.

No sinclair method wasnt mentioned by my gp i researched myself, i 've done a heck of a lot of research into addiction as i never ever felt 100% comfortable with AA, i dont know why, maybe its just me being scared to finally stop , i really dont know, yet i've been thru so many dark dark times. From reading articles so many people said its successful 80% , i 've suffered from depression /amxiety a lot and medicaiton has really helped me there, so taking it for me to stop drinking doesnt really bother me, as long as i do stop, i never gamble when sober so drinking is the root cause of everything. Since i've been 16 now 39 its always been drinking then gambling i learnt to associate the 2 together. 23 years of it ! drinking has always been there the gambling has come and go so when any form of stress pressure builds up my drinking and gambling magnifies. It all stems from fatherhood the pressure of it, i 've always been a worrier, and this was my biggiest every worry i was physically sick and shaking months before the impending birth , rem viisiting my wifes sister who gave birth a few months before my wife and i came out feeling sick to the stomach, pure panic about fatherhood, i had no f ing idea what to do about it, so instead of talking about it or speaking to folk i just bloody drank, it eased the pressure the pain it made everything feel ok, just numb out how i truely felt, drink will do that, and from the learned behaviour the thoughts of gambling always came about over and over again until i finally gave in and ga,bled along with the drink.

Same happended before i got married i panicked i went off on gambling spree, losing 600 quid online poker, back then was a massive deal for me , now i wouldnt raise an eyelid! again the progressiveness.

So i've used the 2 to deal with worry and pressure something i suffer from immensely worrying over the stupidness things, always fearing the worst! cbt i think thats all or nothing thinking or something.

sorry this is all over place but in work, i also believe some of addictions are genetic, from my gran and sister dieing of alcoholism to my granda's fondness of the horses.

They didnt make it, i Need to !

They didnt make it, i Need to ! You're absolutely right there 🙂

I asked about your GP because I know it has now been approved for use in alcohol addiction, although some doctors aren't using it as per the Sinclair method (i.e, they're saying to take it but don't drink which is not the idea and won't lead to the extinction that the method is based on). You probably know all of this if you've done lots of reading on the subject, so I won't go over everything I know about it but if you want to ask a question or two I'm happy to help if I can. Have you got the book? I'd order it if you haven't...it's on Amazon. By Sinclair and Eskapa. You may find that people aren't on board with the idea because of the alcohol that's needed. Trying to convince people of the science probably won't be easy, but it'd be interesting to know what the addictions team say on Friday. It kinda goes against most people's instincts and notions of common sense (which is to just stop). Only you can make the decision as to what's right for you. I'd say it works when taken correctly and 80% is a high success rate. There's a forum thesinclairmethod.com that I used to be on and there's people on there from my time who remain alcohol free.

I can see that getting on top of the alcohol could free you up to then be able to work on some the anxiety/stress/emotional stuff that lies behind it all. A two pronged approach? Start with the alcohol and then look at support (CBT/counselling/groups). Long term you've got to find a way to manage your worry and stress and I found that actually addressing my issues with those things hasn't been as bad as I'd imagined it would be. Long term getting a grip on your mind and having strategies and an understanding of what makes you tick sounds like it would be an immense help for you. Short term the headspace app is pretty good (and it has a free trial period) and might just give you a little respite in these hard days that you're going through now.

LB x

Yept agree with everything you say, and thats the plan stop the drink and deal with the issues, boredom is other issue I bought a camera recently and am keen to get into photography, meeting up with mate friday night, a night which would traditionally be drinking night! small steps but a start, will download that headspace app.

I dont know if i was stupid or wise but last night i decided to go logging onto gambling websites everyone i could find and self excluding 95% of them i was already self excluded , i then logged on to one i had won from over wk end deposited the winnings and played it out and lost then self excluded. stupid i know but i didnt feel comfortable winning from them. I also consumed alcohol wise eh?

I;ll update later health wise my bp is still up no wonder as im not in a good place, my hand is covered in ezcema nurse asked me if i was stressed , yeah i 've few issues going on at minute. my wife is off work now for next 3 weeks , which is great as it stops me drinking with her being about.

Long roads ahead ,

Gavin

Fella Albert Einstein wrote 'the definition of madness is to repeat the same thing over and again and expect the outcome to differ'

That's a profoundly true definition of living as an active addict.

I guess there is a fine line between doing something for yourself and doing something because it's a result of circumstance.

Time to embrace change my friend.

I have a conception that as active addicts we must look akin to a dog chasing it's tail, to the outside world it my be viewed as great fun but inwardly the dog must feel that feeling of utter torment and total frustration.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs

Gav, how are you?

Gav, you ok mate?

Things are not good gambling drinking to excessive quantities offf to Spain tomorrow in debt bp high and stressed to the hilt this holiday will decide on my future as wife thinking of leaving me I can't blame her , pressure of the holiday makes me just want to get it over with I've maxed out my overdraft I crashed the car fee weeks ago I am an emotional wreck and I need to stop drinking I'm only bit drinking now as I driving late tonight to the airport we all need this holiday I pray it goes well then back to reality and recovery zero drink get my debts repaid and get back to AA

Mate, I do feel for you. Get away have a good holiday and go again. How about a joint bank account? How about showing wife your current debts and not knowing the three back numbers?

11/09/17

I am a trembling wreck of a man, physically shaking dry boking, even with diazepam im a complete and utter mess, and I’ve had enough of this life, sober up or kill myself, I need a spell in ward 15, as the days progress I’ll forget about how I feel now, then I’ll think about drinking again and then I’ll be off in another binge and cycle will continue, the withdraws are getting worse, im getting more and more paranoid im taking more and more risks, andseriously thinking about ending it as I just don’t see the point of continue this cycle of self destruction , looking at my 2 boys I need to get my a*s back in gear, I’ll tell CA on next tueday how I feel the true extent of my addictions , when the days go on and I start to feel more human again I need to read this diaries and I remember how much of state im in now, I don’t even recognise myself in the mirror, I have to change this not fair on my wife my boys my family, I need professional help as I cant seem to stop on my own how many times when help as been offered I cry away, madness insanity GAVIN WAKE UP AND JUST SAY NO TO THE FIRST DRINK, suicide in instalments, get your backside back to meetings weekends when temptation arises, get fit again, seek help before I slip further into the abyss my kids wont see me they need a father gavin please wise up, your killing yourself. Please wise up. Your running out of chances stop and think before I lift that drink, when the urges come which they will lift the phone and call Peter or Alister, get down on your knees and pray pray for recovery may this be the start, please God please help me, my boys need a daddy.

The past 6 years have been a living nightmare- its progressively got worse and now I need to make a decision to continue and lose everything, house , job , license , kids, death or mental ward0- IT WILL HAPPEN or RECOVERY start to live again, it wont be easy but theres only one decision to make and it s RECOVERY, this life is not a rehearsal, I NEED HELP , Gareth Alister, Peter they’ve all told me this I need to start believing it myself, I wont last another few years, I’ll end kill myself , suicide, or die in accident, and do exactly what my sister did to her kids- Gavin you are an alcoholic theres no doubt about it, theres no ifs or maybe, you’ve become one over the years- DD- get some sobreirty then speak to Peter, do the steps, listen, do the right thing, grow up and watch my boys grow- your running out of chances make the right choice Gavin,

thats where im at and im fed up with this life, i woke this morning with my throat bleeding i sliced it open last night with a kitchen knife a pathetic half hearted self act of suicide, i cant stop shaking, i cant continue this way, Im a mess and psysical and mental mess! GOD PLEASE HELP ME

Gavin, call someone. You mentioned Alastair and Peter...give them a call. Or the addictions team? Is there somewhere you could go, today, for some help? Maybe your GP could get you an urgent referral for a rehab placement or go to A&E. Reach out for some real life support and help.

Hi Gav...

Fellow alcoholic here. Typing this while shaking myself. Tough t*ts last night as got hammered again. What strikes me about this addiction is we fully know what we are doing to ourselves...the damage and the impact it makes to our lives...yet, We turn around and do it again.
I was asking for God's help in early hours this morning...i felt physically sick & I said to myself "Dont f*****g drink you daft cow!!"...but I know I will repeat the cycle again...why? Because I am not looking for help. I'm not reaching out.
Alcohol is the biggest depressant going..mix it with Fluoxetine - outcome is disaster.

Listen. I cannot give u advice as I am.in the deep myself but from one alcoholic to another - .....dont give up. Find the strength to reach out! You have family..loved ones and time is running out. Up to you how you spend it...in a horrible place with end destination of death or calm and peaceful life for what if is...clear headed.
How close are you to your wife? How open you are? Drinking is selfish act... I hate to think how much everyone around us hurts.

Gav..we are not super humans..we will die one day...but it doesn't have to be with our own hands stabbing that sharp knife in our flesh.

There is a way out and you need to find it. It's there, In front of you. Set yourself free by accepting your mistakes, forgive yourself. Forgive your sister but please don't follow her steps. She wants you to fight on...for you, her, families and all other suffering alcoholics..because you can, you got the strength....unleash the fighting tiger withinin you..let it roar bk to life!!!!

.....God bless.....

B&S xx