Somewhere to log my recovery from poker addiction

Yes bear! Awesome job fella 🙂

We can beat it....we must...it's the only way to live a happy, successful life and we all know it.

I very nearly played some heads up poker with my bro tonight. We always used to play and I thought it would be fine to play for fun, but he knows what I've gone through and we both decided it would be a bad shout. I would not have considered it 'back to day 1' but realised it would have awoken the big inside me and I'd be far more likely to log and play next time I had the urge.

Here is to a FREE life. Screw poker. Screw gambling. We will make our own future from now on

PK

Hey PK,

Great job! In my G.A. groups they would have considered that back to day 1, so a big congrats to not playing at all with your brother. And thanks for the post, keep hitting the gym and working out, great job!

Chicagoguy

Well....almost 5 months clean ON THE NOSE and I had a slip :(((

So so annoyed at myself.

I know exactly what triggered it. 3 big nights out then on the last night a call from the ex girlfriend who decided to tell me while drunk she is seeing someone. Even though I've been seeing people it really hurt and I woke up on Sunday feeling sick about everything.

Without even thinking I downloaded a poker programme and played. After a long binge and a little yesterday I am £700 down and feeling awful that I'm back to day 1

What an idiot.

Still, I have cancelled both the accounts and I, going to try and put this one down as a 1 day slip and almost in my head tell myself I'm still clean since Feb 01st as otherwise I think ill keep thinking 'well I only gambled last week so what's the point'

For me 1 day slip in 5 months is really good, so I'm going to try my best to make sure it never happens again

I will write more later as I'm off to a meeting now.

Poker kid (did quit Feb 01st 2013.....then MESSED IT UP!!!!)

So, a new year and worth a diary entry I think. Not because I've slipped up (for once!) but because I was tempted tonight. Watched high stakes poker last night as I had an urge and obviously didn't want to play. However even that was naive of me as it puts poker back on my thoughts and quite simply I'm much happier without it there!!

Still, I came here... I didn't gamble and I guess that is worth blogging a about. It's no good just coming here and moaning when I relapse. Had a few slips last year but over all I was quite controlled. Really hoping to do a full year this time. Business is going well, managed to buy a flat with my brother (was freaking about mortgage lender refusing if they saw gambling transactions!). So I guess there is more to keep (or lose...) now and I have to keep reminding myself I'm not 'cured' of this, or before I know it I

Playing again and I'll be on a hole!

Hope everyone I've talked to over the years is good and the new year brings as few relapses / gambles / general problems as possible !!

Poker kid

Hi All,

Some of you will perhaps know me from over the years, some will not. Either way, I hope everyone is well and coping with this horrible addiction as best we can.

I'm revisiting and reading my diary after the first relapse in one year. It was this time last year on a family holiday in cornwall that I worked out I could play poker on my iphone and lost a load of money.

I wrote in the diary and managed to get my sh%t together resulting in a brilliant poker free year. Bought a flat, did well in my job, saw loads of friends, set up a new business e.t.c

Anyways, the most recent relapse started by playing live poker in a casino in central london after a night out. For some reason I convinced myself that playing live was ok because online is my 'real problem'. How wrong I was...

I lost 500 (250 from my business account which is stupid as hell) and went home feeling so low.

I then noticed gradually that I was wanting to watch poker on TV / youtube more. I also found myself playing fruit machines and even playing black jack in bookies which although never being a huge issue for me I definitely should not be doing.

Then this weekend just 2 weeks after playing live, I cracked and played online. I Lost another 500 and have spent both nights in playing poker...despite having calls from friends asking what I was doing. I even pretended to be ill (or told myself I was...) in order to keep playing. Idoit!!

I'm so scared that even after a year of (for the most part) not even thinking about poker I can get so quickly engrossed in it again. It just sucks life out of me I swear. I feel on the edge of tears tonight, as I just hate the fact this still has such a pull on me. A few weeks ago I was having an amazing summer and busy playing sport and within a few weeks I'm in for the whole weekend playing bloody poker.

So, I've cancelled the account I started and I've come here to talk to myself /others in the hope that I'll be able to put this down as a stupid slip and get back on track.

I'll come back and write on here for the next few weeks I think so keep reminding myself not to play.

I know I'm strong enough to beat this as I've done it before, so even though I feel weak now I WILL do it. You WILL NOT RUIN MY LIFE

Getting out to play some tennis tomorrow then going for lunch with a good friend who is in recovery from alcohol and drug addition. He's one of the only friends who has struggled with addiction so will be nice to talk to someone who understands.

That's it for now, take care all

Poker Kid X