Starting over from today

Aww I’m sorry to hear about your blip but overall the outcome is the most positive you could have wished for. Well done on having the strength and courage to self exclude. I also excluded from all the clubs, not just the one I visited. I cannot believe the weight that was lifted after I’d done it. Also try not to think too much about the small loss you had today, maybe that was the final reminder and push you needed to go ahead with the self exclusion. I’m sure if you had won,your post would be very different. 

Im proud of you for taking this step and here’s to a journey being gamble free. 

Lonely

Today's been a good day, feeling positive and didn't gamble. It all actually feels final now for the first time ever and it's such a relief. A few years ago when I first came here, I was reluctant to fully ban myself online,  instead was just self excluding for most sites and made excuses why I wasn't banning myself from the bingo, in reality it was because even though I felt at rock bottom and wanted to stop, if I'm completely honest I couldn't imagine stopping forever, as much pain as it was causing me I think I still hoped that if I had a long enough break from it that eventually I could go back to when I actually enjoyed it, back to when I would have low stakes and cash out if I won. After another 3 years of suffering the pain that gambling has brought I've not only accepted that it would be impossible for me to go back to that but also now I genuinely do not want to, I'm done with it forever. My way of thinking has completely changed, yesterday after my last ever go on the slots when I would usually be walking away annoyed that someone else is going to come along and win the progressive jackpot that I'd built up I actually thought I feel nothing but pity for the poor person that does, as that one win could lead them down this same awful road I've been down. 

Had a productive day at work, then sorting out my finances, I've worked out my next wage exactly, how much my Bill's are, what I owe out, then with what's left I have alot of birthdays to buy for and Easter presents. I can afford to do and get everything I need so I'm pleased about that, also wont have much left over but any extra I do have I'll be handing to my mam to look after. I'm actually lucky, things could be much worse financially. Also planned to have a day out Saturday, just to take my daughter out to  local farm that has  nice play area and can pet and feed the animals, love spending time outdoors especially once the weather starts picking up. Been in a good mood all day except for some unusual bouts of road rage, I'm usually very laid back so wonder if its connected to the ups and downs of gambling recently, could possibly just be my pregnancy hormones. 

Hi The fun has stopped

Thank you for your support on my thread. I’m glad you had a productive day at work; that makes two of us. 

That’s really positive that you’ve sorted out your finances. Today is day 7 gamble free for me and it’s amazing what a week can do to improve your mindset. Having self-excluded also makes such a huge difference and That makes me so happy knowing the choice is taken away from me. 

As you mentioned in your post finding something to fill the void/free time is important and I have also googled hobbies/interests and still haven’t decided on anything as yet. I’m not even sure what I would enjoy these days so will have to have a go at a few things. I guess it’s a new chapter in both our lives, discovering ourselves again after being lost for so long. 

The farm day sounds like fun, sadly as my daughter is now 21, I have no excuse to do things like that anymore. 

Hope you have a good evening and here’s to another day gamble free.

Lonely

Hi the fun has stopped 

How are you getting on? I hope you’re having a good weekend so far...

lonely x

Thanks lonely, yes having a lovely weekend so far, keeping busy but a nice kind of busy not the hectic kind I always feel while gambling, I usually feel a kind of panic like I've got a million things to do because I've wasted so much time staring at spinning wheels! It's nice to feel like I have spare time to be able to walk places rather then drive, and although have plenty to keep me busy my mind is very calm, if that makes any sense. Hope your doing well x

That’s good. I know exactly what you mean. This weekend is the first one where I have felt strangely calm and not worried about just sitting on the sofa watching tv and not doing a huge amount in the knowledge I’m not going to be tempted to disappear to the bingo hall out of boredom. Instead I’ve made some rocky roads and just binge watching a series. Maybe not as productive as I’d like but a hundred times better than watching reels spin in front of me for hours on end. 

Long may it continue for the both of us.

That's my plans for tonight Netflix and food, usually it's a takeaway for Saturday night but things are gonna be tight for next couple of weeks, even that's not to bad, when I dont have much money I make meal plans for the week and stick to a shopping list, so end up eating alot healthier and have no wasted food, trying to find the good in everything at the minute, been reading a Dalai Lama book that's realing helping with my way of thinking. I can get very depressed sometimes and constantly think negative thoughts aswell as bad anxiety so I need to work on these aswell as the gambling. 

Yes I hope we both enjoy many more relaxed weekends, free from stress, guilt and worry x

Hi fun

i hope you had a nice evening with relaxing and watching Netflix. 

You said about sudden moments of depression and I think that is a common theme for most of us cgs. I know I have moments where it suddenly hits and I wonder if it is a result of the gambling or one of the reasons we gambled in the first place. 

I find I can be happy most of the day and then feel suddenly down for no particular reason. Maybe we will one day figure this out as we are no longer gambling. 

Its amazing how well we can budget for hinges like food and meal planning when money is tight, if only we could manage this normally we would both be much better off. I joined a group on fb which is trying to make a meal for a pound or portion and they have lots of great ideas for using stuff you have in the cupboards. I did a fakeaway  of a McDonald’s breakfast today by making pancakes and bacon which was yummy and a fraction of the price. 

Ive decided I’m going to put more energy into cooking and baking, one to save a bit of money as we do spend a lot on food but also to use up some of my free time. 

I hope you’re having a good Sunday and here’s to another gf week. 

Lonely

Had a good night thanks lonely, your breakfast sounds gorgeous I love making my own version of takeaway, since being pregnant onions have been making me sick, even the smell of them and there in nearly every from the Chinese, so I made my own about about a month ago, really enjoyed it knowing it was all fresh and cooked in my own clean kitchen made it even nicer.

Had a nice day with the family for dinner today at my mams, but have been really worried about my brother, he has won XX on a sports bet online, he doesn't have alot of money so this seemed fantastic to everyone as he could treat his wife and kids, pay some debt and buy some new things for the home. But I was more concerned then happy for him, asking how often he gambled and warning him of how bad it could get, he became annoyed and defensive about how often and said it was a free bet, I know nothing about sports betting but found this hard to believe, surely for this return he must have but alot of money on? Dont suppose anyone who knows about this sort of thing could tell me if that's believable? Hopefully he took some notice of what I said. 

Congratulations Thefun on excluding yourself from the bingo. A very wise move.

I do like your profile picture which gives me great food for thought. It is important that we stay gamble free (keep walking in the right direction) and than we can cope more readily with the challenges that come our way.

It was good that you made your brother aware of the risks associated with gambling. It may have fallen on deaf ears but there again you may have planted a seed and hopefully he will now be more mindful of the dangers.

Wishing you well as you continue on your great adventure.

Stephen x 

Hi the fun

Im glad to read you had a nice family meal, although not so much about the news from your brother. This in itself must be difficult, not just because of worries about your brother but also because having that conversation and being told that could also be a trigger for you. Unfortunately I don’t know anything about sports betting as it was never my thing, but my ex did bet on the football and I have to agree that I would think he would have had to put a reasonable amount on to get that return. Do your family or brother know about your gambling problem? 

It’s good that you’ve given him advice but I guess not much you can do about it other then looking out for the telltale signs that will be more than aware of. 

Thank you for the suggestion about volunteering. I did have a look a while back at some homelessness charities as this is something I’d be really interested in but unfortunately they were about an hours drive and wanted volunteers at unsociable hours which wouldn’t really work without impacting my day job. I live in quite a smallish town with not a lot going on but will have another look to see if there are any opportunities close by. 

I hope you’ve had a good evening and have a good start to the week. 

Here to another week gf.

Lonely

Thanks Stephen, yes I hope he has took some notice, I dont know if he secretly has a problem or if it's my own experiences making me worry over nothing, either way a big win can be the start of bad things to come.

Thanks lonely, luckily it wasn't a trigger for me, I didn't think of it as lucky at all, quite the opposite actually. Yes my family know about my gambling but not sure they really understand gambling addiction, I get the feeling they think it just got abit out of hand but now I've learnt my lesson. I want to help him but dont want to come across as judgemental, or like just because I cant control myself nobody else should ever have a bet.

I'm sure you'll find something you enjoy soon.

Well it's only one week of not gambling, I've gone alot longer in the past but this is the best I've ever felt about it, I'm confident now that this is it for me. Wishing everyone else the best of luck!

Not a great day today, very low mood, no motivation to do anything felt tired and down most of the day. No particular reason I can think of, just an off day, suppose we all have them from time to time. Thought my oven was broke earlier and really started to worry about how I'm going to get the money for a new one, started to feel angry at myself again because the amount of money I wasted on the slots when I got paid last would have been more than enough to cover it. Luckily it was just the bulb that had gone and the oven was fine, I was relieved but still didn't lift my mood, think I'm best just going to bed and trying to read a book, but probably won't be able to get into it, when I'm like this I cant seem to concentrate on anything and end up staring at rubbish on my phone for hours instead. Tonight is one of those nights that I'm glad I've got blocks from online gambling, so although it's not a great night at least it cant turn into a disaster. Anyway moan over tomorrow will be better I'm sure!

Hi The fun

Sorry to heat you weren’t feeling great today, it’s amazing how quickly our moods can change. I had a relatively good day today and yet this evening I sat in front of the tv, blubbering for a while. Can’t tell you why, I just did. I guess it’s just something that comes with being in recovery and I hope that eventually, these variations in mood will slowly even out for both of us, the further away we get from our last bet. 

I’m glad you have your blocks in place to help when temptation creeps in as that’s another day gf ticked off. 

Glad your oven isn’t broken, it’s the last thing you need when you’re trying so hard. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and just remember, take one day at a time. 

Sending hugs

Lonely