Starting over from today

Having a good day, money worries do keep popping into my mind but been out for a long walk with the family then back for nice Sunday dinner. Money really isnt the most important thing in life I have so much to be grateful for and it's horrible to think that some times I need more, like a have a void that only gambling can fill,  something I need to work on.

Hey The Fun Has Stopped!

This may help a little. I too am back here after a few years because last Saturday Night/ Sunday Morning I gambled for 14 hours non stop on online slots. I’ve done this many time and lost a fortune but last week was different. I deposited a pretty low amount and won a very large amount. Probably close to 2/3 of a normal salary. It was the key amount I’d always said I wanted to win. Do you know what, I didn’t take it, I sat there and kept gambling until it had all gone. Every last penny. My point is we cannot win because we cannot stop and any winnings are nothing but tokens to give back to the establishment in time. I actually didn’t lose a huge amount last week of my own money but it felt like I did. I have never been so distraught.

i always thought I gambled because of money, the debt I was in ‘due’ to gambling but I had a chance to really help those debts and I didn’t take it. None of us do because we are compulsive gamblers with a disease called addiction.

My advice would be to See today as a gorgeous Sunday to be enjoyed and imagine how next Sunday will feel and the Sunday after that when you haven’t gambled, what a wonderful life that would be.
Some people say things won’t change overnight but I disagree. From the moment you decide to change your habit you feel lighter and every single day you will feel stronger and better even if this is subconsciously.

you can do this... the truth is, it was never really fun anyway.

Em x

Thank you for the reply, sorry to hear things have got so bad for you aswell but at least you're here now so a silver line to losing so much could be that you'll never do I again! 

I struggled so long trying to stop, doing really well then relapse then trying again, I felt like I was going round in circles so gave up trying to stop and instead been trying to control it (stupid I know) doing things like making sure I paid all my Bill's and getting everything I needed before I could gamble, never doing it on pay day, I even started to cash out, never a profit but sometimes if I was lucky managing to get back almost as much as I put in. But of course over time I've stopped sticking to any of this and once again spent every penny I had. 

It was a few years ago now that i remember seeing the advert 'when the fun stops, stop' and thinking the fun stopped along time ago for me. I know what i need to do and i know how hard it's going to be but i will do it, i have to.

I've once again had to borrow money to cover me for the month, it's a horrible feeling but at least my Bill's are paid and I have enough left for shopping. It wont be a fun month, I'll be living on next to nothing but I've got used to that and I know I'm in a better position than some, so should think myself lucky for that at least. I've had some thoughts of trying to win some back this morning but instead I came on here. Today I will not gamble.

Hi the fun has stopped. Thank you for your support on my thread last night, it was very much appreciated. It’s awful how our brain tricks us into thinking that if we are short that if we can just win a little extra then everything will be fine. That was part of my thinking was to cover the shortfall this month - look where that got me. Instead of having a small short fall and a bit of a struggle, I went with that thought and lost everything which left a mahoosive shortfall and a real struggle until the end of the month. Please don’t do it as we both know how it will end for you. Doesn’t matter how much we win, we don’t have the will power to stop so inevitably we we carry on until everything is gone. 

Be happy in the knowledge that you don’t have very much but you will have food, warmth and shelter until the end of the month. 

Your story is similar to mine and the dreaded bingo hall was my last opening. I am making sure that is no longer an option. Have you self-excluded from your local bingo hall? If this is your Avenue then give it some thought. 

I hope you got through the urges.

Lonely

Thank you for taking the time to offer me support when you have you own problems. I am planning to self exclude from the bingo but the thought of it is filling me with dred, I cant bare the shame of having my photo in there for all staff to see, but I know its something I need to do. I found it easy to block myself online but this just seems so embarrassing, I do suffer with anxiety and worry alot about what others think, even though I know its daft to let that stop me, or maybe I'm making excuses I dont even know myself anymore! The whole thing is exhausting, especially with my pregnancy hormones in the mix. I am more determined than ever to finally put an end to this horrible addiction.

Do you have to go in there to self exclude? I guess it depends on the company but the one I frequented was b*** bingo and I contacted them via email and asked to be excluded from the land base club I went to. They said they would call me and we could do the process over the phone. I too would be embarrassed to do it in person which is why I tried this way first. Although, all said and done, I would put myself through the embarrassment of that was my only option so I don’t ever suffer this again. A half hour of embarrassment is worth it to save a lifetime of pain and misery. 

Do you have someone who could maybe go with you for moral support? 

Lonely

You are right, having the blocks in place is so important I shouldn't let anything stop me. I didn't realise I could do it over the phone, but it's the same bingo so I will try that in the morning, thanks for the advice.

Your welcome. I’m still waiting for them to call me to get it sorted but over the phone is much easier than face to face. If it’s the same company then you should be able to get it sorted without too much embarrassment. 

I’m also thinking that it is two people’s money that they will never see again, which makes me happy. Hopefully in the near future we will reap the rewards and not them. It also makes me think about other people who I’ve known to go there or also end up with the same misery but not quite yet admitted a problem. I spoken to a few over the years and the main thing I established was nearly all the females I have spoken to are lonely. 

Well I'm going to decide to be happy and lonely at home rather then ever being sad and lonely sat in one of their clubs. 

Let me know how you get on.

Good luck with putting blocks in place and we’ll done you for proving to yourself that you’re well and truly done by taking such drastic such action.

sending lots of love and support your way.

Em x

Thanks lonely I've just caught up on your diary  hopefully we can help each other. I know what you mean about the other mostly women we see in there making the same mistakes, I often think about a much older woman i met who told me how a couple of years ago she won 60k online and was over the moon, booked herself a cruise but within less than a year had nothing left, she had to get a loan just for her spending money, another year on an she'd remortgage her house try to chase what shed lost. She made me realise that the big win were all hoping for would probably ruin our lifes even if we did ever get it. I felt so bad for her but she stopped coming in awhile ago now, I hope its because she stopped gambling but worry its something worse.

Thanks Emily it's going to be difficult but I'm ready this time, hope your doing ok.

Thank you I have just seen your post on my diary. Our stories sound very similar and can support each other on this journey. 

Stories like that make you realise that in some ways we are lucky we want to stop before it gets that far. 

X

Hiya

I just thought I’d update you and let you know I have just completed the self exclusion with b*** bingo over phone by calling their number 08081691459. If you call them, all they ask you for is your personal details, membership number and read out loads of terms and conditions. They give you the option of 6 months to 5 years. I chose 5 years. They told me if I did try to enter a club then I would be walked off the premises. Talking of embarrassment earlier, this is more than a deterrent for me to ever try. Feel happy for doing it. Really recommend doing it, it will be a big weight off your mind. ?

Well it's been a mixed day, I have gambled again so I'm disappointed in myself, but it wasn't all bad as whilst I was there I finally self excluded so I'm feeling quite pleased with myself as that's finally done, it feels like weight has lifted and I've put an end to my biggest temptation aswell as the blocks I have online, I've finally found the strength I've been lacking for years. I know I still have to be on my guard but this really is a massive achievement for me, I even let them take my photo and agreed to be banned for all bingo halls not just the one I usually use. Luckily I didn't have much money so not a huge loss but it's the first time in along time that I've actually walked out of that place happy, felt better than any win!