Starting the road

So, day 2 of not gambling. I have money in the bank today and I still feel pretty rough. I find it really difficult to open up and I actually think that makes things worse. My husband forced me to talk to him this morning because I was upset before he left for work. The guilt, the shame, the feelings of low self-esteem are difficult. I feel very lucky to have the husband I do, a supportive one who says 'let's look forward rather than beat yourself up about it'. I want that to make me feel better but it doesn't right now. I've seen countless posts here about taking it one day at a time and I think that has to be the way. I know deep down that as bad as it feels now, it won't feel this bad forever and that I can move forward and be more positive as time goes on. I'm not a particularly patient person......not with myself anyway, with everyone and everything else I'm the super patient one holding it all together. I know I need to do something to fill the spare time I have during the day as thoughts creep in when I'm bored. As I work from home and my business is still growing I have about half the day, sometimes more spare and I'm home alone. I really enjoy crafts and arty things so I think I might start a project that I can go to when things feel the worst. At least I'll have something pretty at the end of it. Signing off for now, determined to get through today. I don't need gaambling in my life, I need to replace it with positive things so I'm going to go find some. Have a good day everyone.

It's very hard to fill the gambling void but in time you will wonder how yo got time to fit gambling in.

I know you said you are started a new business recently maybe I don't know what it is but maybe try and throw yourself into that and give it an extra push.

KTF

Thanks KTF. Yes I think that would be a good idea, and I know this sounds a bit like an excuse, but I'm not sure i'm in the right headspace to do the whole sales pitch thing at the moment. I hope, in a few days, I will be able to focus a bit more and try to make the business work rather than feel I need to go back to working for someone else. TIme will tell I think. THe good thing is that I'm open to both paths at the moment. Whilst it wouldn't be my dream to go back to working for someone else, I really think it may help me put this whole thing behind me and move forward, it takes away added pressure if I am not responsible for it. Anyway, some positive to end on.....I took that £35 I had in my bank this morning and transferred it to my husbands account that I don't have access to. I have 78p and some coppers in my purse. However bad I feel, I just couldn't gamble if I wanted to. Feeling good that I did it rather than worry about the fact I might be tempted.

Hi again Orp ,If as I suspect your planning on sticking around your mindset will change quite a bit over the coming months .

When I first came here although in a bad way , I found it quite difficult to get my thoughts away from gambling , It's quite strange that although weve been battered in to submission by gambling , that it's something that still want's to draw us back in again , I think it's the buzz factor , plus also something weve done for so long it becomes part of the daily routine and quite natural .

Now as Oldham as already mentioned , I really find it hard to understand how I ever found the time to gamble and so will you , I also threw myself into focusing more on my business , which TBH I'd neglected quite a bit while in the grip of addiction .

You need the One day at a time and little step's approach during the initial stopping period , simply because that works for us give it time and you'll start looking for other things to fill your time .

I see a lot of the gang have popped round already they usually do , thats whats so great about here , the support is second to none !

Look after yourself , have a great day and I'll catch up soon .

Best wishes ............Alan

Your'e V welcome Orp , All part of the Gamcare Service :)) .

One of the hardest thing's to do coming on and holding your hand's up to everyone and saying" Hi everyone I'm a CG " but you did ! and big Kudos to you for doing just that ! , the rest'll just fall into place !

Good to see your footprints around the forum :))

Talk to you soon and stay safe x

Sorry Orp that last post won't make much sense , coz I sent it out in error ,but still applies to you if you want it ?

Oddat told you I'm old , didn't she and that just proved her point !.

x

Oh Alan, I stuck up for you and your age yesterday.....bit premature maybe 😉 I'll take it anyway. x

Yeah and thanks for the backup yesterday Orp , post 21 was for you , 22 wasn't obviously now I've told you ! 23 was and now this one explaining myself ? I think ? .

Anyway , glad we cleared that one up and I'm off for my afternoon nap now , as I'm feeling quite confused !! :))

Take care Orp ! x

Hi Orp,

You'll find everyone is lovely here, I've been here a while but really struggled in the beginning, today I'm on day 76.

The early days can be very difficult to get through, they can be very emotional and draining, but you will get through them...it is "one day at a time" and those days soon add up. I think your idea of a craft project is a good idea, it will give you something else to focus on and will help you relax and once it's complete it's a reward for you. I crochet and have a few things on the go, both big and small, so I always have something to choose from if I'm feeling restless.

All the best

Day 3 almost done. I'm not really sure how to put into words what I felt today. It was a bit up and down. I don't have an urge to go back on the sites although I feel almost like I miss it, but when I'm bored really. I know I can't control myself when I start though so I'm determined that absolute abstinence is the only way. I've given up access to all money, my husband has it all and whilst I know that is necessary, it does make me feel a bit peeved. I've always been very independent so that gets to me a bit. But I just have to keep telling myself it's for the best and it won't be forever. Plus, if it was the other way round I wouldn't trust him with the money so it is what it is. Words are not good enough, I have to show I can change. Filling my time with things to distract my thoughts is my main goal at the moment. Boredom is definitely a problem. So, I've started reading a book I've been meaning to for ages, I've spent time out in the garden today helping to tidy it up and I've been looking for craft ideas to start a project. The triangle I was told about is definitely true. If I had the money I don't know that I would be here today, I hope I would but I can't be certain. So on to day 4 I go......determined and happier. One day at a time.

Day 4 came and went. Moving forwards day by day. Day 5 now - Started a craft project that will take me a while but I can go back to every now and then. feeling ok, bit tired and drained but a bit more positive. Had a voicemail earlier to say they are ringing me back tomorrow to do assessment for counseling which is good. I think I need to talk to someone independent, I think that will help so that will be another step forwards. The guilt and shame still plays heavily on my mind but I don't feel there is much I can do about that at the moment. Filling my time with other things as much as possible. 5 days free. Hope everyone is having a good bank holiday and wishing you all strength.

Day 6. Feeling ok. Have just completed my registration for counselling and feeling positive about that. Filling my spare time well and managing to keep away any thoughts of going backwards.

Just think one more day and it's a week of feeling alive, instead of that gut wrenching feeling of despair.

Thanks Steve. Yes, day 7 done. Feel good about that. I didn't even think of gambling today and all things considered it was actually a pretty stressful work and personal day. This gives me more determination. I'm feeling so much more positive. I've got my counseling booked for 9th June. I also find myself doing all the things I used to put off. That thing that needed fixing that's been sitting on the side for weeks....done. That bank account I've been meaning to close....done. That book I wanted to read....started. All positive things and great to keep my mind busy. Celebrated the week with a viscount biscuit and a glass of Pepsi. I know how to live! In all honesty though, it's the little things that make me smile so that was good enough for me. On to day 8 I go. Hope everyone is staying strong and gf. Nighty night.

Awww Orp, couldn't you stretch to a Galaxy (that's my poison of choice) & what's with the Pepsi? It's red/white cans all day long in the ODAAT household! But yay to celebrating & getting stuff done just like normal people do!

Keep @ it - ODAAT