Hi there, I've gone with stay positive as my title as I feel that is what's needed to beat this thing. I've had all my negative thoughts all the times gambling has held me tight in its grip. But I'm free now and yes I've been left with a very large debt but I can't change that but I can change my future and that's something I must remember.
Insanity is the name, one because ofcourse the act of gambling really is an act of insanity particularly for us CG's, the other because I just read the Albert Einstein quote, the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sounds like a gambling addict to me and that's what I am, not proud to say it but not afraid to either.
What I am afraid to say is I work in the betting industry and I know that being involved in gambling is making it even harder for me to quit gambling and I know I need to get out unfortunately it's not easy to just get another job and I need to think what it is I want to do with my life.
I have a plan for my finances but I really need a couple of months away from betting so I can see my statements as they should be with no gambling blemishes and also be able to plan with a clearer head. But it's a start anyway.
I have an aim to get through till Monday without a bet. I am a sports bettor mainly football and golf, used to be horses until a trainer gave me a tip which lost and I thought If he doesn't know how could I?
If I can get to Monday I should see out my first week (Tuesday) and then it will be on to that week 2 target and then trying to get to one month. My big target is 3 months. And my huge, massive, impossible to comprehend now target is to make 2015 my first ever gamble free year.
I have to stay positive, I have to try and to be honest I have to succeed!!
Just gonna give a brief history to my gambling to complete the picture a little. I've always gambled, I was close to my nanna who gambled and my dad gambles also. Neither had any problems with it. It was seen as a bit of fun and a way to win a few quid and so the family ever since I can remember did a national sweep stake and us kids would have a runner or two aswell.
When I was sixteen I left school and got a job and my dad would have his weekend bets, lucky 15 or round robin etc so I did the same and by the way my dad's awesome I wish maybe he didn't gamble but oh well it was fun at the start.
I then started gambling on my own online and spending quite a bit but I lived at home I think I took home maybe 800 a month and only paid mum about 100 house keep so losing a 50 quid bet wasn't the end of the world. But a clear sign (not clear enough tho) that I may have a problem was when I was 18/19 I had a £50 footy fourfold and won, I believe about 450 and what did I do? It was a Thursday and I love my darts so I looked at the premier league matches and figured I could turn my 450 into 2 grand and guess what I didn't.
Things did calm down for a while after that and it may have been a couple of years before i started gambling heavier and heavier, I meet some new friends when I got a new job, they all gambled and maybe thats how it really started for me, most of them had a problem although not everyone but if your around people that gamble more and more it can hide what your really doing, or atleast let you believe what your doing is ok.
It's just escalated from there over the years and when you chase a ВЈ1 lose you do so with a fiver now I'm chasing £50 loses with hundreds same story different figures.
It's simple I can't except losing any bet. I have been in a bookies winning, as soon as one bet loses I want the money for that bet back even tho I'm still up. It's all just about creating excuses to myself to give me a reason for another bet, this addiction is very strong and very clever. It's scary how it can control me so much. But atleast I now know that it controls me it's like it's not me it's something else, not making excuses for my actions just I now know what caused me to act in such a way, I am an addict and if I treat that as something separate to me I can get rid of it and continue with my life. I feel gutted that I have so many financial scars and they will be with me for years reminding me of what I have missed out on but I can't think in that way as I can't change that, I can only stop gambling, pay off debts and make sure my future is one to be proud of.
Thanks for letting me get all that out.
Good luck buddy, 1 day at a time.
They'll soon mount up, I'm nearly 3 weeks in and can't beleive how quick it's been!
I'm the same as you, losing £1 feels almost the same as losing £100 so I chase and chase. Even when I'm up I keep going so I don't even think it's about the money. It certainly could be classed as insane!
Thanks clown. Will all get there, like you say one day at a time.
I will not gamble today!!!!
So haven't posted for a few days been mega busy with work and Christmas. Been good tho. Im a massive Christmas fan but I'm really looking forward to the new year, I really want to start it right without gambling and keep it that way.
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