Staying out of the ZONE (T2)

Thx. Sandra! I believe you and I am grateful for your response. I have not meetings to go to so it's all on line and having some interaction on here helps me alot. Supportive indeed. I am afraid and lonely today. I'm going to pick an item up tomorrow and being on the road alone brings up fear to me. I have been secluded for so long and have not traveled except to run to gamble. Or, with another person , not alone for just a trip. I always ended up gambling if I was near a casino on the way. Tomorrow I'll remember the odaat. soul lifting to the sky... you say. Yes, I have felt bliss and I know that there is more on the way with recovery even if it does look bleak on some days or seem not to be moving to greater places in life. ahhhh to just be in the now. Happy Holidays to all who read this. I am now at one and 1/2 weeks. T2

I gambled on Dec. 23rd when I drove past a casino on the way home from picking up what was supposed to be a deal// a trade. I spent what I would have paid for it new plus the $200 I received from my family for xmas. I had a hard time with this loss. I decided to work on my issues more aggressively. Coda book and coda on line. I'm still here and trying. embarrassed , yes or disappointed with myself. I still am hopefull with odaat. t2

Hey Tara,

Yup...slip is a slip, what do we do about it? ...aha...stand right bk up and fight on!
It's not nice & it's not easy for you, nobody expects it to be easy, recovery is work in progress for most...you don't get it first time round - you try till u succeed. There is no timescale...only you know when enough is enough.
I am not there either (believe me or not) but we cannot give this up! Really can't..you need to find something what works for you...i just recently got my head round to some tough exercise lol..God help me but a bit of boxing, kung fu & taekwondo might help ☺...why don't ya try & channel your energy for a good cause? Maybe this will help to get rid of anger you might have?..mr G...or other evils in life...i guess all for their own, but that's where my mind is at..never give up the fight - b better and stronger when urges arise.

Stay safe...take it easy on urself...occupy ur free time...believe ☺

All the best, you can do it. Recovery is possible

Sandra x.... fellow CG in recovery

Thx. GT and Sandra, 4 days gf today, odaat. I did get a mini trampoline! Like you said Sandra , the exercise will help. My entire life has become unmanageable and slowly I'm trying to get it together . It is refreshing to know that I can do this with the help of a higher power and others who understand plus recovery work. I am grateful for that TRIANGLE information. . . time, place and money. I slipped because I had the time, I was near the place and I had the money, absolutely right. No blocks were in place a t alllll. I had become complacent even at only one month and two weeks gf. Losses of cash and recovery time hurt so badly. Just don't look back I say. Remember but don't look back. Keep the eyes on odaat and keep those blocks in place. I can do this. amen T2

Hi Tara,

Thanks so much for posting on my diary - the great thing about this forum is getting support from like-minded people struggling with the same issues. Really appreciate it.

You were very right the triangle is a great tool to help prevent gambling & I'm putting all the steps in place now to help put the right boundaries in place again.

Another great technique I learnt and will be using again; I read a while back -

Everytime you get an urge to gamble - whether it's slots, roulette, blackjack -whatever. Picture in your mind your computer screen, the blackjack table, your ipad, the slot machine- whatever it is you normally use to gamble, & picture yourself smashing it to bits with an axe. Sounds daft but I found it helps you to re-connect with the strong emotional distress you feel after a big loss & helps remove the craving from your mind.

Doesn't matter if the craving returns 30 seconds later, just pick up the axe again in your head & smash it to bits 🙂

Anyway hope it helps & wishing you all the best in your recovery.

Spoon

I love that spoon. Smashing the machine is symbolic of the distress and pain it causes and imagining destroying it shatters the image and the urge. Love it. Maybe I have some aggressive to release. lol. I'm sure that I do. Blessings. I might mention that codependents anonomous is another great resource for recovery from anything. There is also online help. Today was a decent day. Who knows what tomorrow will bring... maybe snow in my area. I wish I would not have slipped but maybe I can be stronger now. T2

Not in real life Gt. Yes. 2016! Fresh starts for all. thx. GT. I tried the exercise of smashing slots in my minds eye last evening and it was a powerful exercise. I'm deeply in the healing nurturing stage of recovering from that slip. I'm doing it this way so I don't condemn myself and beat myself up because I've been beaten up by myself and life tooo much already. Love is what we need. Self love , support , compassion and a kick in the b**t sometimes to keep us moving odaat. T2

It's day 4. I feel so anxious. Things are actually going well the last few days. But when I let go of situations and allow things to blossom I feel out of control. I guess that I've tried to control outcomes in one way or another even though I think that I am a peace easy person to be involved with for the most part. I'm learning to express myself more fully but also to let go of certain outcomes and behaviors of others. New territory comes with recovery. I need support in the compulsive gambling recovery and I need more help in other areas like codependency. I am working on both now. I feel like i'm actually doing something and making shifts. odaat T2

You will feel anxious Tara, jeez, as you say you are walking in new territory now, :))

Just take it it slow and steady, don't try and work too much out too soon, it really is one day at a time, recovery is a lifetime journey, so there is no need to rush, :))

Suzanne xxx

Well done Tara for getting back on no gambling you did 6weeks and had a slip your not right back at day 1 or should I say day 4 now what would you have lost in those 6 weeks? You virtually smash that machine think back to how you felt after you slipped stay positive and keep going

Gosh, I just checked my bank accounts and my part time job kicked in to bring me up a bit. I am so happy that I didi not gamble more money over the holidays and that I can see at least some hope financially until I make the bigger choices in my life about moving and getting more steady work. odaat for sure. I bought some new pens for my journal this morning. Trying to take it easy on myself. I've slipped many times this past year and it was very very hard on me. I have to admit that to myself and not expect to be the person I would have been had I not slipped up. I am not that strong yet. I have losses and hardships that have occured and my addiction was active although I wanted recovery and am still here. yes, I and we must take it easy on ourselves. It's like I"ve been sick with disease and need care and love. today is good though. I'm grateful for the participation on this site. Nice to know that we are not alone. T2

New Year eve brings a sadness. I also have seen slots in my minds eye and thought of going out to play them because of coarse I'll win alot on new years eve... right? NOT. I think I've tried that before! gf at one week. Yes about one week now. T2

January 1st. I'm breaking down emotionally and have not really slept well in almost 2 months. I do work in the health field so I give to others and help them with their healing, problems, body aches and pains. I just want a break. I need to see a light on the best choice . I want to go to gamble today and it's a floaty feeling that surrounds me with this thought. I know that I could do it but will I? Reading posts helps to disway me . Writing clears my head. odaat T2

Hi tara , please don't feel I'm being harsh but how do you want your life to be ? , I feel your continuing to punish yourself by not letting go of the losses , you have to let what gambling's done to you go in order that you can move on and start afresh , your not sleeping well because of the torment your putting yourself through .

It's just about deciding what you want more, to gamble or not to gamble ?, you need to be fair to yourself and move forward accepting that gambling is something that you used to do but no more !.

We don't ask to be the way we are , it just happens , it takes over our every waking moment and consumes us but there comes a moment when we say " enough , I don't want this way of life anymore " .

Day one of 2016 is a great place to make that decision , do whatever you need to do to get through those urges , those dark bad moments we all have and you will suceed , one day at a time !.

Were pretty much the same age and I'm telling you that if I can go nearly 4 months without having a bet after 35 plus years of gambling , then you can too !

Stay positive and stay safe .

Alan

Thanks for your support Alan. Later in the day... still tired and still home. odaat. T2