Staying out of the ZONE (T2)

Greetings Tara. I hope you have had a lovely weekend and benefited from your counselling yesterday. Congratulations on your excellent progress and positive attitude. 80 days on the gamble free road shows great commitment, courage and a real desire to be rid of this insidious addiction that has caused you so much anguish, pain and suffering.

All is well in England. Today was the August Bank Holiday so everyone has been enjoying a long weekend. The weather has been a bit dull after our long hot summer but sunny days are set to return. Next weekend in Hull we will be celebrating at the Freedom Festival. Three days of entertainment throughout the city in recognition of William Wilberforce. A Hull lad who was a politician, campaigner against the slave trade and an all round nice chap. A very noble man of courage and integrity who spoke out against injustice.

On Wednesday, an endurance swimmer should arrive in Dover at the end of a 50+ day swim along the English Channel highlighting the sorry state of the worlds waterways which we sadly use for dumping our waste in. Many things wrong in the world but plenty of courageous men and women who are prepared to stand up for their values and say "Enough Is Enough." Well that is exactly how I feel about gambling. "Enough Is Enough" and i'm sure you wholeheartedly agree with that. Wishing you peace, contentment and joy as you continue on your journey...stephen

Thx. for the reply Stephan. The counsel that I was assigned was like a private investigator or a defense lawyer interrogating me under a bright light; really. I stuck with the hour session and it was not easy. What happend is that I immediately decided to go online and switch counselors. I send the therapist a message about why I didn't want to work with him and then checked out other options from a list. I am now working with someone who does texting only but he is very compassionate and a great communicator. I feel heard! And this person is also able to guide the dialog along in a way that works for me. I am grateful! It took courage to continue to seek out a better fit and I'm proud of myself . The therapist just happens to be a recovered addict of some sort and this is a huge benefit . Most days have not been easy for me althoug there are bright spots . I'm taking it odaat. tara2

100 days for me. I'd love to hear anyones experience , strength and hope around the topic of staying strong past 100 days. I just read a post from someone who abstained for 2years and then is back from the same old lapsing pattern and not feeling very good. It scares me. Like today for instance, I have time to myself, I had an urge yesterday and again tomorrow. THis urge felt like an open window in a stuffy room that I could exit through and feel free for a moment. What I know is the the stuffy room is not where I am now , rather it is the casino/ any casino. The open window is not an open window, it is like a trap door. I think to myself, do I really WANT to gamble ? Do I want to be in a casino? Do I want to drive 2 hours each way? Do I want to risk losing alot of money in a few hours? I'm scaping pennies. I think before I purchase anything. I have unattended to health and car issues. I am not working and am on temp. disability. The stuffy room with an open window leading to freedom through a visit to a 2 hour away casino is one big fat illusion; it's one huge lie! All I know is that this journey has to be odaat and that if I want to be free of gambling I have to 'not want to go'. I have to see that my true and reasonable self does not want to go. What it is is that our frontal cortex that reasons weighing out what is a good and healthy choice for us , this part of the brain gets hyjacked by addiction patterns/routes/chemicals . The frontal cortex shuts down and 'we' are NOT reasoning at all. Especially when we are sitting in front of the machines! In action! But I tend to think that an urges triggers the shut down of the frontal cortex and clouds our reasoning ability. An urge is also a cry for the dopemine rush. I /we feel sick and dioriented when the urge is entertained and not followed through on. If I followed through on an urge I'd be flying , I'd be in a state of mind on my drive to the casino which is not normal... it's that of an addict! I know that feeling sick from not following through on an urge only takes a short while to disapate the chemical reaction in my brain and then I can get back to feeling balanced. If I follow through , as I mentioned, I'd be high / altered conciousness before I even got to the casino. I'd be zombified shortly after I began to play slot(s). I'd be remorseful for days and months after leaving. Even if I played a long time winning and losing and left breaking even ( which never happened/ very rarely) I'd still be so sick from the entire scene and the entire experience of getting to the casino, entering the slot 'zone' out zombielike state, barely breathing through the ups and downs & racing heart and mind etc etc... then drivng home 2 hours feeling like I've been through a war. Nope. Just for today I choose not to gamble because I do not want to. odaat. tara2

I read your posts. Keep going. You're doing great. For sure you can overcome this.

Hi Tara2,
first of all, congratulations on your 100 days gamble free, that is a huge milestone.
It sounds like you are going through a really challenging time emotionally, physically and financially. Sometimes when things are so pressing we think the answer is more money and that leads to thoughts of gambling. Also, when we have time on our hands, that gives us space to ruminate which can also lead to thoughts of gambling. It is important to be ready and have a strategy in place for such situation. It sounds to me that finding ways to switch off your mind, to put your focus into other things would be really helpful for you. Have you thought about trying creative hobbies? There has been quite a lot written about the benefits of crafting on mental health and emotions lately, it is worth trying things out to see what you would enjoy doing.
Longevity and sustainability in recovery comes down to understanding your triggers, your danger situations and being prepared for these and have an ‘emergency kit’ if you like. For example if you know you have a day off, make sure to plan ahead to know what you can look forward to doing when the day comes.
You have come such a long a way and worked really hard, it is worth keeping the focus, even when it is hard sometimes.
Wishing you all the very best,

Eva
Forum Admin

Hi Tara :))

Firstly congratulations and welcome to the century club , I'ts not easy getting to any sort of milestone but this is a huge one for you so well done 🙂 .

As for my thought's on moving on from this point ? ................................ Well ? , firstly enjoy those feelings you have at having acomplished something great , I don't know about you but at the start of my journey I couldn't have visualised myself going a day without some sort of bet because I needed my fix that badly , so I'd say what youve done is pretty monumental and you need to take those feelings with you as you move forward .

You'll get day's where thing's don't always go smoothly but that's not because your not gambling " That's just life " and what it throw's our way but remember where you were and how far youv'e come already , the day count of 100 sound's great but 3 months sound's so much better :)) .

"Nothing changes if nothing changes " but youv'e made changes now just like I did and if you allow it to continue it will get much better and much , much easier I promise .

Those early day's for me where about getting through it day by day , hitting the milestones was something that spurred me on to continue , after all if you can do 3 months you can do 6, 9 then the first year arrives and you look back thinking " WOW " Look at me go :)) .

I'm now just over 3yrs gamble free and although I'm not constantly looking at the clock the day's still matter to me simply because I'm continuing to go in the right direction ,life's great and gambling's no longer in the forefront of my mind , nor is it the first thing I think of in the morning or the last thing at night :)) .

Looking forward to next milestone Tara :))

Wishing you well

Alan x

I felt invisable during my compulsive gambling and if I did not feel invisable I'd go to a different casino. Then, there was no where to go , no casino which I could be invisable in or think that i was invisable , because I had gone too often or my behavior of jumping from machine to machine for half the day made me stand out ( even at a rarely visited casino). I wanted to feel invisable , to hide. What I was doing was self destructive on many level s and greatly embarrassing. When I realised that I was not invisable I had to give up , just be that zombified human that did not even care. But those eyes were upon me; the radar , the security, the employees who felt either pity for me or ridicule. I could not escape the 'eyes'. Thank God the eye of God was also upon me. In the end there was no where to hide and the big lie could not cover all the embarrassment and pain I had and was causing myself. I am grateful that securiy called me out on ignoring my self exclusion. I'll NEVER forget the feeling of being cut off and kicked out ( although they were very gentle with me) during a full on escalative moment of one long relapse. tara2