Staying out of the ZONE (T2)

Hi Tara yes even 2.00 a spin is too much . When i used to play my bingo game it was always 2.00 every game takes all your money i sometimes played the spins online while playing bingo . I just cannot understand why they are not doing more to help people these mps are getting a lot of revenue but surely people losing there homes and going bankrupt is more important. Its a real eye opener being on this forum and very sad at what everyone has lost not just money but family . Also seeing so many new people everyday come on here so sad . Bambi x

I'm fighting a cough on my days off this week but managed to empty my car instead of my wallet or bank account. I had a huge pile of larger laundry items that I had been wanting to wash for 6 months... no kidding. Today, even in the rain with a cough , I decided to push on through and just do it. I hope I can conjure up the energy and incentive to tackle some other tasks that have just been piling up due to my choice to cg on a lot of my days off. Happy that I actually had money in my wallet to do that laundry and buy some groceries. tara2

Hello tara,

Well done for getting a few chores done. I know what you mean about things like that getting left for "another day" because of gambling. It can feel like we have so much to do to get things back into order in our lives. Why not use that as a method of distraction from gambling and get on top of it all. Will give you a sense of pride too.

Hope you feel better soon, one day at a time. Don't forget to look after yourself, your worth it.

All the best.

I am self excluded from the main casino that I was going to so this is a block. I had been detected on my last trip and they asked me to leave or to sign a form to ask to take the ban off. I decided to keep that life time ban and now I can not go back there because I was detected. But now I have to work on other blocks in case I'm on the road someday and there is a casino near by. There are two other nearby casinos that I used to go to that I am excluded from for life. The others are further away. Anyway, I want to slowly get more blocks in place and remember that if I am on the road I can not have access to more money than I need. Also, take alternative routes and avoid areas where new casinos are. LIfe building! Not tearing down. I'm still a bit sick and coughing. Yet, I need to sleep well and get to work tomorrow. tara2

It was hard to work yesterday with this cough and now I'm up early and still nursing the illness. Work again today. I have to let go of any ideas or hopes , of any plans or fantasies that pertain to large risks to try to get back the $60 to $100 thousand that I think I deserve to have back. Wouldn't that be a nice payback for all my suffering and losses of that much or more. I'm practically living in poverty until I build up some savings and get my health and car attended to. This will take years and I'm an older woman. I get triggered by gamblers stories of risking high and winning 50 thousand or more consistantly. But for me, to play like that would be a very short session because I don't have the bank account of a millionaire. I know that it's probably as probable as winning powerball ticket to risk big and in a short amount of time win big. So there is a crazy fantasy. In reality, I have my exclusions at all local venues now. I have an income. AND I have things that are important to take care of. I just don't have time to put my energy into fantasies. I'm here to a year and then more. Well, can't look too far ahead , they say in recovery . But, I do have that ultimate goal, to know the feeling of having a great distance between me and the last big let down of compulsive gambling. tara2

Reading others posts is very helpful. The guru challenge is fantastic, it is a fun way to inspire the incremental journey adding up to a year and sharing about it. It's not easy so making it a little bit fun is great. It is hard for me to focus on things like paperwork. I have some forms to fill out and my head is still cloudy. I spoke /chatted with a few people on another site and it felt so good to get some of my feelings and the details out and have a response to my words. This is a run on paragraph which is how my brain is working right now. What I really need to do, and am trying to do, is to break up the pile of responsibilities and unattended to business into smaller doable chunks. I can do this . tara2

Reality hits the fan. Have you ever heard of that saying? It seems to fit myself right now. Once that addictive veil is lifted the facts of life are vivid. I don't feel very good and I think it's withdrawal from cg. I just want to stay home from work and be online today but I have a full day and have to make lunch and leave soon. No escape. Time to breath and show up in life as best I can. odaat. tara2

Yes, another post, if anyone reads it, well.... I'm here on Easter 2018 . Yesterday I wanted a holiday from work and today I have it. I have a holiday off and I'm home. Safe at home and expectin a guest in a few hours. Really, I would have been at the casino today if things had played out differently than they did a few weeks ago. I am very grateful to have my self exclusion renewed at the local large casino. This place was a huge attraction for my addictive self. It was a huge drain for my money and energy. It was like a drug of choice, the choice of the addiction programed brain. And here I am. My thoughts are on cooking and have a nice sunny Easter Day 2018. May everyone be safe and taken care of today. tara2

I can not go to the casino that I was gambling at because , as I had mentioned in another post weeks ago, I am self excluded and they discovered me . I had to leave and decided to keep the exclusion intact forever/ lifetime exclusion . They now are aware of who I am and I can not go there. I feel safe to go to the town that I like to visit on my days off. This is a major blessing. tara2

Hello Tara.

I do enjoy reading this internal dialogue you have with your self, I personally think that’s what these diary’s are best for. You come across as a nice, thoughtful person.

Yes, a blessing getting caught out and reminded of your lifetime ban during your last visit to the casino. Was wondering whether you ever think of peer support as a added barrier, there’s something quite empowering admitting too others that you’ve got a problem, people who understand.blocks are good as a first line of defence but as you discovered it was only possibly over due luck in being caught out on your last visit to a casino. Was also wondering if you’ve looked at what your driver is that makes you have your moments of madness?

Anyway, I hope your well.

Paul

Hello Paul, thx. for your comment. I have been posting mainly on the guru challenge. I love the breadth of this site ie. huge amount of threads , although things that seemed important can get lost/ I have trouble keeping track or checking on threads to see if anyone resonded. The diary could be my main area for posting but I seem to also gravitate to the guru thread... it's a very helpful resource for inspiration to continue forth and a place to check in. 🙂 tara2

Since my body is injured and compromised and I have taken off work in addition to having taken a trip ( first in many years) , I am really really in poverty mentality and nervous /worrying about cash. I do have some savings but have real life health upkeep to address plus my car maintenance. Addictive thoughts are slipping in and I admit it. It's been 48 days gf and I know that number is alway best when I see it as only '1'. One day , each day, the same or else I get to feeling the addiction winning over my rational mind. All this said, I am now feeling happier , even though my body aches and my bank account is not rising. Worrying only makes things harder. tara2

............

We are what we think

All that we are arises with our thoughts

With our thoughts we make the world.......Gautama Siddhartha (The Buddha)

Good Evening. Tomorrow I'm starting some counseling. This will not be easy. It will be worth the efforts. I asked for a helping hand and this is what showed up in my scope... try counseling again... so I am. tara2