Staying Strong to end the misery .

Day 24 ..... Yesterday was excellent . Had a game of chess at the library in the morning ...... Steam and swim at the gym in the afternoon . Cinema In the evening ( Pirates of the Caribbean : Salazar's Revenge ) which was a laugh . Than back to my friends for Quorn Burgers with melted cheese , salad and relish ( delicous ) . Back home now reflecting on life .

I AM STEPHEN .....A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ......CONFIDENT AND 100% COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY

Just checking in to see how you are doing - so pleased to read you last post - well done!!! Life is so much better with out the dreaded gambling isn't it. Opens you up to more possibilities! Good going!! x

Thankyou Annie .your kind words of encouragement make me sfronger . Well done today - 15 Days without gambling gives you a good foundation for your journey of recovery ........ stephen. X

I AM RESPONSIBLE ROR MY ACTIONS . IT IS MY CHOICE TO GAMBLE OR NOT TO GAMBLE ....

I ACCEPT THIS RESPONSIBILITY AND CHOOSE NOT TO GAMBLE .....

I AM STEPHEN ..... A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER .....I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .....DAY 24

I

DAY 25 ON MY JOURNEY OF RECOVERY ..... SETTLING INTO MY NEW LIFE RELAXED AND CONFIDENT .....

I GAVE THE CASINO / BOOKIES £ 50,000 SINCE RETIRING FROM WORK - 6 YEARS WASTED AND I FELT BAD ABOUT IT ......

ANYWAY IT'S OVER NOW AND ALL IN THE PAST . I HAVE LEARNT FROM IT AND INTEND TO MOVE ON .....

MY OBSESSION WITH PLAYING ROULETTE ( EITHER ON A TABLE OR ON A FOBT MACHINE ) IS OVER ....

I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY I WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN GAMBLE FOR FINANCIAL GAIN .....

LIVING LIFE IS A GAMBLE AND I WILL GET MY PLEASURE FROM THAT ....

I AM STEPHEN ......CONFIDENT AND 100% COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .....

Thank you for my beautiful poem. It brought a tear to my eye.

I don't think anyone has ever written me a poem before, thank you it is beautiful.

I'm glad you have had a good weekend. Have a lovely day today.

Stay strong. I believe in you.

Hey there last of the big spenders 😉 I don't know whether I'm more excited by your Hawaiian shirt, the salsa or your zest for life?!?

It's good to see you decided to make the leap across & what delightful footprints you are leaving around the forum 🙂 I'm loving the poems esp the one to WAI.

I get your style & it's a comfort to me to feel the difference between someone like yourself with a GA background to people who come here @ the very start of their journey.

Good skills on accepting the counselling (I'm sure it would have been very easy to continue down the road of thinking you didn't need it)...Sounds like you're putting your addict brain in it's place 🙂 I really hope you get something out of it!

Keep up the commitment - ODAAT

Haha thankyou so much for your delightful post on my diary , I will look a Bobby Dazzler tonight .

Have realised now the obvious meaning of ODAAT :- Oasis - Delicate , Abstaining Addict Therapy .

When I first joined Gamcare and wrote on the New Members Intro Page , you were there to welcome me aboard with kind words of advice and encouragement . Thank so much , you are an angel .

Love and best wishes to you Odaat for happy times ahead and jolly adventures in your gamble free life . Stephen x

Hi Stephen

I've just had a read through your diary and I admire your positivity and upbeat writing style. You seem very determined to beat this addiction. Not long until you have been 1 month gamble free! Keep up the good work

Thankyou Westsider for your kind words of encouragement . Friends in Gamcare such as yourself have been a massive help in the early days of my recovery ( 26 Days ) , I am over the moon .

This addiction is insidious , it is cruel , it shows no.mercy and all the time it masquerades as our friend . It feeds us delusions conjured up in never never land . It meddles with our sanity . It results in people taking their own lifes , domestic violence , family breakups , job losses , prison , disgrace . Unbelievable sadness as we wallow in or own pitiful self loathing . But sadly this is all forgotten as the confused addict thinks 'maybe one more bet wont do any harm ' .

Wishing you well in your recovery and happy days ahead ....... stephen

DAY 27 . Feeling quite euphoric as I distance myself from the addiction . I know its early days but I also know with absolute certainty it is over . Got my pension last wednesday , all bills / debt repayments up to date and a bit of cash in the bank , in my wallet and on my asda card for shopping . Keeping myself active and restarting my social life which has been in meltdown for several years .

I love and respect all my friends in Gamcare who have given me so much inspiration and hope .

Self exclusion has never stopped me finding somewhere to gamble so this time I decided to face the fobt machines head on . Every day or fwo I have spent 30 mins in the bookies just looking at the fobt machines and the people coming along to feed them their hard earned cash . This morning , looking at a machine I had put over a £ 1,000 on one occasion , I was mortified that I could have have gambled like I did , difficult to comprehend how I could have been such a fool . From that instant I knew it was over , that I will never again gamble . Life is a gamble , I will get my excitement from living .

I appreciate this approach could be frowned upon and was not going to mention it . However I would rather be honest with the forum .

IAM STEPHEN .... I AM A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER ..... I AM COMMITTED TO MY RECOVERY .

27 Days gambling free, well done!!

I'm glad your getting your excitement from living, hope you had a blast at salsa last night in your new hawaiian shirt!

Although your approach may be 'unconventional' if its working for you in my opinion that's all that matters. Maybe over time you won't feel the need to do this and I guess if going in helps to remind you of the money, time, dignity wasted and helps you to focus on your recovery then that is the main thing. Only you know what is right for you.

Your honesty and integrity is a wonderful trait to have and I admire you for this.

Stay strong.

Haha it was perfect ' Who am I ' the Hawaiian Shirt was made to Salsa . I certainly looked out of place travelling their on the bus though as it was raining and blowing a gale .Great night , I love to have a dance .

Thank you so much for your kind remarks and feedback , it has helped me so much in these early days of my recovery .

Hope your happy and well . Take care . Stephen. x

ITSY BITSY SPIDER CLIMBING UP THE SPOUT

DOWN CAME THE RAIN.AND WASHED THE SPIDER OUT

OUT CAME THE SUN AND DRIED UP ALL.THE RAIN

NOW ITSY BITSY SPIDER WENT UP THE SPOUT AGAIN !

Not had a bet for 28 Days . Its all behind me now as I look forward to my future .

On the 28th October 1990 .......I stopped drinking alcohol.

On the 25th June 2001.......I stopped smoking

On the 11th May. 2017 ......I stopped gambling

My head is focussed now as it was when I gave up alcohol and nicotine .

Finally got my treble up .

Now 66 .... So maybe i left it a bit late in the day but ' If I should die tomorrow I'll go down with a smile on my face ' .

Final Score : Addictions 0 Stephen 3

Morning Diary ..... Day twenty eight and I'm alright

Feeling calm with coffee and a bite

GamCare came.... my wake up call

Gave me strength to stop my fall

Some Gamcare friends are so inspired

Whilst others seem so sad and tired

Laughters good ..... the heavens are high

Lets spread our wings and learn to fly