Steady as she goes!

Hi Weldy (great minds think alike!!!) as I was writing on my last post, felt the same way. Realised how different I am as a person now. Obviously like anyone who is sensible will be aware, we know its ongoing. But hey lets blow our own trumpet for today!!! feels good doesnt it?

Here is to a beautiful sunny day and a gamble free day. Luv Min

Hi weldy,

Nothing to add as such. For me you are working your recovery in a way that is working for you. Great stuff! I derive inspiration from reading your thoughts. All the best.. S.A 🙂

A glorious, sunny summer day. Gig went well last night, so feeling pretty satisfied with life this morning.

Just planning to do some chores around the house and garden today so nothing too stressful.

Will have completed 8 weeks, 56 days by the end of the day.

Weldy

Morning Weldy,

Very well done! Your diary charts your fantastic progress.

Thank you for supporting P and me. We knew it wasn't going to be easy. After all, it's not something that can be turned off like a tap......there's bound to be some hurdles to negotiate!

Keep going Weldy......Jas xx

Good to have you back Jas.

I'm writing this entry for me, but you are all welcome to read it if you wish. I know it's going to be a long one and I have only just started.

I'm feeling really cr** tonight, well have done all day as it happens, but worse thing is I really don't know why? Nothing particular has happened, nothing is really going too bad, so there's no underlying reason for me to be feeling this way, which is what I don't understand.

Thought it might be money, as I have been paying out bills today, but apart from the VAT man decimating the account, I haven't been near it in over 8 weeks! To show how much things have improved, last quarter the account balance was in negative territory when over a £3k bill was due to be paid, but this quarter it's been paid early and it's still in credit. So I don't think that that is the problem with me today.

Wonder if it's the weather. Earlier we had a directly overhead thunderbolt & lightning (very, very, frightening!) storm, which sent the cable TV into overdrive and it hasn't come on again since. (apparently they are aware of the problems in my area!) Must have taken out some equipment I guess. Either way, no TV for us tonight. But no, I don't think it's even that.

Work is going ok, been better, and I seem to be struggling a little to be enthusiastic about it right now. Some technology problems causing me some pain, but got over that. Maybe I have been working at too fast a pace that I have burned myself out a bit? Not sure really?

Or maybe this way I am feeling is one of my cravings? I'm denying myself what it really wants to do, that is, to go off into a gambling hole? I know that if I was feeling like this before 8 weeks ago, I would have succumbed by now, it's kind of knawing at me at the moment. This is really the only thing I can really put my mood down to. I didn't think that I would recognise the urges when they came, but I'm feeling reasonably sure that this is one of them. Just makes me feel really down.

Despite all, I'm still choosing not to gamble, and will continue to do so tomorrow.

Well, the thunderstorms are gathering again, and I have to venture out with the dustbin and the recycling! Wish me well, I might get struck by lightning, then I'd have to change my forum name to Flashy!

Weldy

Having written "my cheery" post a short while ago! I was writing on a new members diary when it struck me that this forum had effectively saved my business! That's pretty major and I hadn't really thought about it in that way.

I really have to admit that this site may well have saved my business for me. Not "out of the woods" yet, but I'm pretty sure that I'd have fallen into the "sinking sand" by now had I not changed by finding my way to this website.

So once again, thank you to this forum, to gamcare and to all my friends for their support on here.

Found something positive to write about after all!!

Weldy

Morning Weldy ,

Yeh that thunderstorms was pretty bad round here last night as well.

Anyway I get these odd days where I too get down and for no apparent reason. I worked out about six weeks ago that it was because I was toying with the idea of gambling. I know I won't and I guess it creeps up on me and makes me feel ultimately very sad that I can not do something that I not only enjoy but love. I have had the longest relationship with anything in my life with gambling. Until I became a compulsive maniac I loved gambling. I still loved it when compulsive but now my mind has cleared I hate it and I know hating it is the right way to live.

I'd like not to hate it and just forget about it , let it be as important as getting my hair done (I am bald).

It does pass quite quickly but like I said it creeps up on you making you feel miserable with the thought of having to deny yourself something you essentially enjoy. That said I have never once had the thought 'Oh one little bet won't hurt' , I know this can never happen , as many a times in the past I have started small and done a month's wages in in a day.

Good Luck and no doubt for a positive guy like you you are a lot cheerier today.

Morning Weldy,

Glad the clouds have lifted!

Jas x

Morning all,

Had a long day yesterday, out and about to 4 sites, coverered over 200 miles and then had band (2) rehearsal from 8 pm until 11.30 pm getting home around 1 am.

So it's been a late start for me today. I was supposed to be at Ascot today, but for obvious reasons I decided not to go.

The clouds did in fact lift, and I'm feeling a lot calmer today though still feeling a little demotivated on the workfront.

Will try and get through a few things today so that I can lessen the work pressures and get back to feeling a bit more upbeat. Have too much in my head and not enough actually getting done.

Catch you later.

Weldy

Lol Ade - at our age! I still think I'm 21! Did gardening on Sunday and boy did I ache!!!

Another day nearly passed, and no feelings about gambling despite the knowledge that I would have been elsewhere today.

To be honest, my ex-business partner would have been two sheets to the wind by now, acting the fool in front of our clients and I'd be making his excuses and making sure the clients got away ok.

His words when I told him I wasn't going were "It would be better for me if you did go!" and that just about sums it up!!!

He still thinks in his head that I am going to return to the business, partly because I have left before (twice!!) and returned and partly because I am still involved in the business as a consultant on a few contracts. But that's not going to happen, I'm just keeping an eye on the business from a distance in case there's a possibility he might change his mind and buy me out like he morally should!!

Tomorrow will be 60 days free of gambling, which is a good number and I'm very pleased about it.

Tonight I'm cooking dinner! That's something I never did when I was in the thick of gambling, so another improvement in my life!

Onwards & ODAAT!!!

Weldy

Hi Weldy,

I've just read though your entire diary and It's very uplifting for me. It certainly gives me hope for my situation as I was very similar to you in my gambling habits.

You seem to be incedibly busy, which no doubt helps, although the self control of working at home must sometimes be difficult.

Enjoy your dinner.

What we having for dinner?

60 days, what a fantastic achievement. You deserve a star bar!

Jas x

Hi Sme, Jas & all,

Star Bars!!!! Yum, but have none in the house! May get some for tomorow.

Sme, an interesting point you make. Yes, i do admit to being very busy, which has already been pointed out helps to keep the gambling out of the frame. And yes, working from home does present it's own challenges. Though I would say, I was always very busy when I was gambing, as i used to make up the lost time during the day in the evenings or late hours of the morning.

I think the point is, busy life or not, when you cut out the gambling time you will inevitably be left with more time on your hands, which you have to fill with something. Finding something positive to do is essential.

Have an exam tomorrow. Been doing some extra study to improve my up to date knowledge which has been neglected in the past few years.

Then I have two short courses to complete followed by a professional interview to complete my professional qualifications. Something else that had been neglected since the start of my gambling over 20 years ago! Amazing what can be achieved when you have a clear mind.

I do keep myself busy, but that's what works for me, I just hate sitting around doing nothing. My girlfriend thinks I'm odd (probably because she has no problem at all just sitting doing nothing!!!) bless!

I've decided to share a few of my more personal ways that gambling affects my body, some of my old habits and some of my superstitions.

When I used to bet in the shops, I had the usual superstitions like a lucky or unlucky cashier, or shop or even a lucky seat!

But also, things like only betting with used notes (no idea where that one came from) New notes always resulted in a loss?

I would only place my bet on the counter face down (again, not sure why).

If I had a winning slip to collect, i'd first write my next bet, and rub the winning slip facedown on the new slip before collecting, as if to pass on the luck of the last bet to the next bet (I'm convinced that this worked!!! Not!!!)

I developed this habit aswell, whereby I frantically scratch both sides of my head simultaneously at the same time whenever I am anxious or excited!!! (Yes, freaky indeed - my kids make fun of me for it!!!)

I have noticed that I do this a lot less now I am not gambling.

I also developed a severe case of alopecia in my early 30's and lost 70% of my hair for a complete year, then it returned. That was stress diagnosed and though I didn't admit it at the time, gambling was almost certainly the most significant factor in the condition.

(yes - that was freaky too - couldn't work out why people kept crossing the road rather than walking past me!!!)

I can also recall that whilst betting, I have on a number of occasions developed palpatations, and on one occasion was worried enough that I even had enough courage to actually go to the doctors. Too much breath-holding whilst watching the races used to take place.

Thankfully for now, those are things of the past, and I'll keep working to keep them in the past.

Cheers all.

Weldy

Well done you and well done for supporting so many others.

Long may you win your battle.

Fred

Cheers Fred,

And you too friend, keep up the posts.

Weldy