Stephen ~ Stopped Gambling 8th June 2018

DP

Hey Stephen

I’ve read a few of your posts and the really great advice you’ve given to members, including myself. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve done it before and you can def do it again. Imagine if you read this post from someone else, what advice you would be giving them. It’s a new day.

Good luck, you can and will beat this.

I’m very sorry to hear about your relapse, Stephen.

Like myself, you’ve had a few too many replases than you would have liked in the last 12 months or so.

Are there any different approaches you’re going to take this time around to try and stop any further relapses?

I’m glad to hear you say you’re not giving up hope.

Wishing you all the very best of luck, Stephen. You’re a good guy and I admire your honest and insightful posts on other diaries.

Stay strong mate and keep fighting. With you all the way.

Morning diary. 3 days since I emptied my bank account for gambling and the dust has now settled. I can see with some clarity and am disgusted, ashamed and puzzled by my reckless, irresponsible behaviour.

Yesterday a friend agreed to give me a loan to cover direct debits which are due today and tomorrow. When I was gambling I knew perfectly well that I was losing money that was for paying bills but by than I had lost control.

A friend had been holding onto my bank card but I had got it back, I have betrayed her trust and thrown kindness back in her face but she remains a friend who wants me to overcome my compulsion to gamble.

When will enough be enough? How low will I go to satisfy my lust to gamble? Is it over now? I sincerely hope so.

I will be at a friends funeral this afternoon. A good time for reflection.

Hi Stephen - I too had a relapse yesterday. Feel ashamed, disgusted, upset etc. I have let myself down but know have just got to start again and hope I can be stronger. What is the alternative? Keep gambling and throw away the rest of our lives? All we can do is keep trying. Good luck and wish you all the best.

Morning Stephen ....... nothing changes if nothing changes my friend, you really do need to try something different this time cause the only reason you not gambling at the moment is cause you have no funds to do so .... are you still attending GA,have you had the free councilling that gamcare offers, you cant keep going round in circles and will power alone is abviously not enough .... i know its not easy we wouldnt be on here if it was and i admire your courage to keep bouncing back but this time something needs to change i am sure you would agree ....

Thank you Claire and Chartom for your posts. I have replied on your diaries.

At a friends funeral today. He had a good send off and it was nice to catch up with old acquaintances who attended the service and met up for drinks afterwards.

I am now resolved to live a life free from gambling. I have had good periods of abstinence before and now I am ready for the final push. No new battle plans as I have tried all the recommended blocks, exclusions, handing over finances, gamblers anonymous, counselling, reliance on a higher power etc etc. Only one way for me now and that is to draw on all my reserves of decency, courage and integrity.

I won't let it get me down and I won't be beaten again by this insidious addiction. Armed with a belly full of hope, a smile on my face and a steely resolve I am ready, willing and fully prepared for one final showdown with the gambling demons. Come and do your worse because i'm ready for you this time.....Stephen 2130 hrs on Monday 11th June 2018 - Bring it on.

Thank you caughtup for your kind words. I have replied on your diary.

Renouncing the gambling has set me free

With eye's wide open I can see

The time has come - my future's clear

To laugh and smile and have no fear

HI Stephen 67

Thanks for posting on my diary. As you would have read I have upset a few people with my comments. My frustration is exactly based on your post 11-6-18. You gambled money for bills, betrayed your friends trust etc. I really want you to beat this addiction, so many relapses but you keep going, I honestly do know what advice to give as you have tried all the options.

You seemed to have a good gamble free period when your friend had your bank card. If you do not have access to funds, then you cannot gamble. you could go for months without gambling then get the urge and have a huge blowout, undoing all the good work. Can you give your card back to your friend to manage as will power alone is not enough.

The roulette machines is what almost finished me, so I understand. Give up all financial access while you regroup.

All the best

Many thanks greenflash for your well meaning post. Like you I also am very frustated and annoyed by my relapses.

Over recent years, on several occasions, I have entrusted my bank card to three different friends on the understanding I would receive a weekly allowance and additional funds as and when required. There is no point going into the whys and wherefores but suffice to say I messed up on every occasion.

I have on 3 occasions excluded from all bookies in Hull and the surrounding area. Trips to Scunthorpe, Barton, Hornsea and Beverley or donning sunglasses and sportscap have just made a mockery of these efforts.

I have attended GA on numerous occasions. I enjoyed the camaraderie but never felt any less inclined to have a bet following these meetings.

On a positive note I did manage 6 months following my counselling sessions but repeating this would serve no purpose as I would simply be going over old ground. On other occasions I have managed between 50 & 150 days but alas there is nothing more substantial I can lay claim to.

After almost 20 years in the Merchant Navy and over 20 years working with the local council I should definitely not be in the position I now find myself in but I am still in one piece and ready to try again.

All I have left to fight with is hope and my gamcare diary. Will it be enough? I think so.....stephen

Hi Stephen you have my upmost respect and support for your recovery. I have had many times where I have nearly made the wrong decision and come close to tipping over the edge. Sending positive thoughts and best wishes Sx

Thank you Sharon for those kind words. I have replied on your diary. Very impressed with your 455 days gamble free and your courage, integrity and determination are deserving of great respect.

Early days in my umpteenth attempt to stop gambling. Maybe this time I can do it, I hope so. I will try to follow the example of friends like Sharon who have displayed a lot of character and not fell by the wayside.

I need to stop behaving like a spineless fool and get my act together.

Hi Stephen, it wasn’t that long ago that you managed 6 months gamble free. Cast your mind back to how you felt during that period.... I think back to my last substantial time that I was gamble free and I can remember feeling at peace, happier with life and able to hold my head high and feel like a ‘normal’ person.

I want this all again! And I’m sure you do too. Gambling offers us nothing but utter misery and take us back to square one.

Now is the time to make this attempt count. I’m with you every step of the way, Stephen. I’m hoping that you will only ever be 26 steps behind me in our journey.

You deserve to be happy and to give yourself a life with the misery of gambling.

Dan

Keep it going Stephen, you’re doing great!