Hey my name is Rich, 26 and I've been battling with a gambling addiction for 7 years now.
A little about where it all began- started going to bingo halls when I was the age of 18 and I became instantly drawn to the bright lights of the fruit machine which cost me a lot of money indeed but then moved onto online about a year later. I came here for advice over the phone and via netline which does help a lot and I even took steps such as handing over control over bank cards to self excluding from various websites which worked for a short while but have relapsed on several occasions.
It's sad and tiring of living with this addiction. Some days it's ok, I can focus on studies or on work or socialize with family and friends and enjoy a lot of the things life has to offer which seems expensive to anyone who doesen't have a gambling problem but cheap to me when you compare it to amounts of money that can be lost in one day/session on whatever it is that you gamble on. Control is one of the hardest things to curb because the fantasy and 'urge' that I get in my head is more than I can take and I often find myself becoming lost when I gamble.
Reading through posts on here I know that I am not alone, many many people are going through what I feel but can feel so ashamed when going to people and saying look I have a problem and when you know they only want to help it's still feels like oh I failed at something.
To me, everyday I can get through without placing a bet on a slot machine or not gambling at all is huge but it doesen't last- sooner or later I find myself giving up and being swallowed by a fantasy of winning money when in reality I haven't won anything because I lost too much over the years to get back. My dream is to have long term control and be able to consistently say no to urges/fantasies. Too much anxiety, panic over loosing and regret has happened and now I want to be able to stand and say I have been gamble free.
Anybody is welcome to reply and I will say this is my first day without gambling and will post here every night just to record some thoughts and feelings on how the day went and how I managed to get some control.
I pray this may be the time for long-term success. Good luck if you're in the same boat as me.
Rich
Hi Rich,
Welcome to GC! Good to see you making first steps towards calmer and happier future. Admitting the problem is huge step forward.
Some basic protection advice. Self exclude from the sites, hand your money over to someone you trust, put gambling blocker on your device (k9 is for free but get someone to put password in for you), try GA rooms. You can also get 1 to 1 counselling sessions through GC. Usually there are many more underlaying reasons for our behaviour/ compulsion to gamble.
Most importantly be honest to yourself and others around you. Let the losses go, money will not be back..once we start we cannot stop.
Take it day at a time, it will become easier and you will start finding your old self, find new hobbies and goals going forward.
I wish you well, keep posting and getting all emotions out, talking definitely helps ☺.. there are a lot of helpful advice and inspiring diaries to read around the forum.
Take care
Sandra
Its the end of day two of gambling. Went to the shop earlier today to get a few things and found myself eyeing up scratchcards- I used to play these so much in the past but barely do so nowadays and obviously if I want to give up gambling for good I must not even buy those. I was thinking about bingo as well and how I relate going there to an afternoon/evening out either with familie or friends but realize I must not go there or I will end up on the slot machines and be back to square one. As an answer to that I thought about all the other different things that there are where I could get some enjoyment like cinema, sports, gym, swimming going to see a show so will definitely consider this when it comes to going out. It pains me to think how this large dark tunnel has come over myself at the thought of not having that buzz from playing a slot machine but then I think about the panic and stress of chasing money or how I will always loose one way or another- that is something I feel is worth not doing it for. Anyway weekend is over and into my first proper week gf so here goes! Will post tommorow and good luck to everyone who is battling another day/week without gambling as well!
Rich
Im almost at the end of day 3 without gambling and I feel ok. I cant say I feel terrible because I am only doing myself good by stopping it but I cant say I feel great because, as I wrote last night, it is hard to stop for good. I got asked if I would like an afternoon in bingo and I would normally go- nice food, game of bingo, a go on the slot machines but I remember that any type of gambling in recovery is not good for you so I stayed home and did some studying again. I feel more focused on that.
I got myself into a lot of debt with gambling through the years so today I have made steps to start to pay back what I owe- its a lot but something is better than nothing and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulder because I am actually doing something to get rid of what has followed me around like a bad smell for years.
Im thinking about going to a GA meeting, has anybody ever been to one of those?
Heres to the next day without gambling
Rich
A good start Rich. I go to GA and find it a great help a room full of like minded people no judgements we've all done same c**P things you have done. Its just good for me to let the words flow and put a face to a name so to speak it's just a 3D version of here
Day@atine has a great thread on GA on the over coming gambling problems page I'll bump it up for you.
KTF
So day 4 has gone pleasently well! Went to uni toda yand quite enjoyed. Feel lost at times at the thought oh I wont be going down the bingo or depositing online anymore but then I think no I can still go out- just for food or to the cinema or something along those lines which definitely helps.
Also went on the chat site that there is here and it was really good! Was lovely to speak to some people on here and whoever I did speak to then thanks it was great to get your persepectives and some advice.
Im going to go to a ga meeting next week to give it a go and speak to some people there about their experiences- the more people I read about or talk to than the less lonelier I feel. Before talking to other people who gamble usually centred on how much the machine has paid out, gossip on what numbers people waited on or gossip on who won what and its so unhealthy. Never mind all that has gone now
Rich
I haven't updated this in a couple days due to being a little busy but I will post one or two things now. I am almost at the 7 day mark of giving up gambling and it seems to be fluctuating.
What I mean by fluctuating is sometimes I feel positive that I will be able to give this up but then theres the reality of not buying a card again or going down to the bingo. There is other stuff that I can do and will definitely opt for these such as gym, swimming, cinema, go for a meal so its not like I have to stay indoors or anything. Talking to people helps as well
Rich
Stay strong Rich ,wake up and say to yourself "today i will not gamble" .GA is very good , i just wish i had paid heed last year then i wouldnt be in the d**n mess im in now.Im "between" houses atm so when i get settled ill be back myself. Just think of all the cash you will save and go towards ur debts and actualy living for a change instead of being a slave to gambling ,thats what all us CG become.Empty broken dead eyed slaves to this disease.
I wish you well m8!
A
Hi Dean and lostsoul thanks for your kind words- what happened today was I got asked to go to bingo for an afternoon out and I found it really hard to say no but I did because I knew even going there and only spending money on tickets is technically gambling (further to a netline advisor one time). I was proud of myself for saying no and will continue to stay away. Dean I will make an appereance in chatt tonight, have to know how everyone else is getting on 🙂
rich25 wrote:
Hi Dean and lostsoul thanks for your kind words- what happened today was I got asked to go to bingo for an afternoon out and I found it really hard to say no but I did because I knew even going there and only spending money on tickets is technically gambling (further to a netline advisor one time). I was proud of myself for saying no and will continue to stay away. Dean I will make an appereance in chatt tonight, have to know how everyone else is getting on 🙂
Well done ,i myself went for a few pints alone in a pub surrounded by bookies and it didnt cross my mind to gamble...for first time in a long long time .Stay strong my friend!.
I'm 8 days gf now and wow... I mentioned to certain people earlier that I find myself becoming a little more focused on things that I should be rather than sitting there unfocused and fantasizing about gambling- yes I would literally sit there on the bus or in bed and dream of winning the pots on slot machines or the jackpot coming up on screen which is unhealthy.
This next week I hope to stay away from gambling for obvious reasons but also to develop and explore in depth the reasons why I gamble in the first place and to be more open to those closest around me about my addiction.
Have a good week everybody
Rich
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