Take 2 this times for real

Day 3 by the skin of my teeth. On Sunday when I had the ridiculous urge to chase Saturday nights losses I requested my deposit limit to be removed...was told this would take 48 hrs (thank god). On Sunday night I saw sense and requested the £20 a week deposit limit be put back on but I was told this would take 48 hrs....so last night I thought 'I bet the deposit limit has been lifted and is awaiting to be reset again'.

Really thought that it would be my one and only chance to gamble before they reset the deposit limit but LUCKILY it had already been set PHEW!

Anyway, I have FINALLY, after nearly 2 weeks of agony been told that my £1100 withdrawal has been processed back to my credit card so when this hits at the end of the week I can self exclude and I am hoping that the urges will reduce. Knowing that there is an active account open is like a red rag to a bull and frankly after all the S**t I had to go through to get this withdrawal processed I don't fancy having to do that again with yet another casino!!!!!!!!!!

So today is day 3. Feeling pretty good, need to focus focus focus and stop letting these urges get the better of me.

Hi Shorty,Keep fighting those urges, at least you will have some money back on your card. Can you put gamlock onto your computer? I did internet gamble for a few weeks and lost alot of money, its just so easy with a card just to keep on putting deposits into your account, I don't go there anymore! Take care and keep strong.

Day 4....feeling ridiculously positive today for some reason. God only knows why but I am not going to argue! Got a busy 3 days at work now and then lots planned at the weekend to keep me out of the house and those gambling thoughts at bay!

That withdrawal should hit my credit card on Friday then I can exclude myself and put that extra barrier in place. As much as the gambling take its toll on you, so does fighting to get your rightful winnings back and the past 2 weeks have really worn me down to the point that I do not want to go through that again EVER! I honestly don't know how these places get away with it. I read on someone elses diary that an online site let him deposit using a particular card but then he wasn't allowed to withdraw to it. It's like that with Mastercard sometimes, they let you deposit but they will not credit it?!?!?! Someone needs to sort that out.

Anyway, I am going to make the most of this positive attitude day 🙂

Day 10! FINALLY!

After my recent pathetic attempts at getting back on the wagon, and repeatedly finding myself on days 1, 2 or 3 I made a decision not to post again until I reached double figures!!!!!! And I have finally made it!

I have visited the site every day and I have missed not posting but I was P!ssing myself off and probably everyone else by having to start over and over again.

The past 10 days have been pretty easy, barely given gambling a second thought. I think the good weather has helped, I'd much rather be out in the garden sunbathing than stuck indoors hitting the Spin button over and over again. Maybe I should think about a move to Spain - good a reason as any!!!!!

So yes, all is going well and I'm pretty positive that this is going to be a long term 'on the wagon' scenario. I am continuing to organise my weekends as this is when I am most vulnerable. I have lots planned from now until end of July so fingers crossed I can make it this time. I have also self excluded from all the casinos that I have visited recently and am pretty sure that there are no more mobile casinos available to me at the minute. Although they seem to be opening up new ones all the time so I need to make sure I still keep on top of these and self exclude before I even have the opportunity to deposit.

I read a lot if the new members stories over the past week and I really feel for those people who are just reaching their rock bottom and think there is no way out. I remember that feeling so well and god help me if I ever get back to that stage - I feel really proud of myself that over the past year I have not done anything to bring me down to that level again. Of course I have had a few slips and I have been very very lucky not to have destroyed my hard work but I can safely say that from the day I joined this site things have gotten better and better. Life is manageable now, and it is calm and I can sleep at night and although I still think about the debt I don't think about bills and balances in my head 24/7 🙂

Hi Shorty,

Just read your post on my diary - spooky ! Our recoveries, with the 'blips' we've had, the money worries, and even the levels of debt seem to be about the same (although that might have changed following my latest 'blip'). It's really weird, but some comfort (not that I'd wish what we're going through on my worst enemy).

I think it's about 1 year since both of our diaries started, and it's amazing to think that our situations were really similar even then. Let's hope our debt-free day is the same as well, and only a few years off. I really think that this 1st year has been the worst, and calm waters/clearer skies are ahead. Let's both get to Xmas 200+days gamble free.

Hi Shorty, pleased to read that you are in double figures, keep the strong thread going, its great news. I know what you mean about the sunshine, certainly makes you feel much better to see some blue sky instead of dark clouds and rain. Hope that you get through this weekend, and hopefully the urge to gamble stays well away as does the rain. Take care and have a good weekend, hopefully in the garden.

Thanks for your posts guys! Yes Michael it is spooky...I'm going to think of it as a competition now haha!!! I will not let you beat me - and if you don't let me beat you then we are sure to make it to xmas 200+ days gamble free!

Juliette - I am sad that the sun has gone but I am off on a mini break tomorrow so I am a million percent certain that the next time I will be posting will be day 17 🙂 its nice to see the numbers going up and up, gives me more determination not to go back to the beginning again!

Michael - I know this year has been rocky (and I am aware that you have quit for lengthy periods in the past unlike me) but I think that this year has been at least 80% successful! If I compared this year to the previous 2 years in terms of time spent gambling and money wasted gambling it would be mind boggling how well I had done - and I'm sure it would be the same for you!

Keep up the good work guys and have a fabulous Jubilee weekend 🙂 xxxx

Day 17....haven't felt this 'normal' in a long time. Actually felt like my old self again for the past week. Less focus on the debts, no gambling thoughts, even bought a new TV for the living room, something that we have been meaning to get for a long time. Managed to pay half of it off with savings, saved up from not gambling. The rest on the credit card. Had a bit of a panic attack when I first paid for it but then I thought in a gambling splurge I have put 5 times that on the credit card before and would leave with nothing to show for it!!!! Am going to make a list of all the things I want to get for the house before Christmas and try and get something every month. No huge expensive things like a TV but I want new crockery, a new iron etc etc....little bits and pieces that I would not have bought before but now I want to get them with the money that I am saving from not gambling.

Made some real dents in the debt recently, have a plan laid out and have been sticking to it pretty well so I finally feel that I am on the debt free/recovery road. I know that if I gamble again I will not be able to fulfill this debt free plan and to be honest it has really given me a new focus. I will be really upset with myself if I can not reach my goal every month. I haven't set it out so that I am living off nothing every month and it means that months where I get a bit more money (bonus etc) there is a bit more disposable cash so there should be no excuse for me not achieving this goal.

Wish I'd booked the rest of this week off work am really tired! But then I guess its only 2 more days til the weekend 🙂

Sounds like a brilliant plan, buying something for yourself each month. Each of those things would have probably lasted minutes or even seconds in your gambling past and you will feel brilliant to have something to show for yourself.

I know the feeling as when my PPI payments came through, I was able to splash out and I am so proud to be able to say that I still own all of those items. Had I gambled those payments, I would have had nothing to show for them.

Just a thought, do you have blocking software for your computer?

NT

Day 19...still going strong!

Thanks for your post NT. To be honest I do not have the laptop in the house anymore, my husband leaves it at work so that isn't an issue. Since the laptop has been out of the house its my phone that has been the major cause of slips but I have self excluded from so many sites there really can't be that many left!!!

What a busy 3 day week this has been, but it has been great! When I'm this busy I probably spend about 5 minutes a day checking the financial situation. When I'm not busy I can sit an re-calculate figures for hours just to come back to the same figure I had in the beginning - totally pointless. Busy is good!!! Maybe I need to get a job in A&E lol. If I worked there I would not think about debts EVER!!!!

So day 19 is here, will be well into the 20's after the weekend. Aiming for that 100 day mark again and I seem to be getting there a lot faster than previous attempts which is encouraging!!!!

Got a quiet weekend planned but have made a list of jobs I want to get done in the house. Have a good hundred quids worth of stuff to sell online also so I'm going to get that listed and get some more money in the bank!!!!

Have been reading some of the new members stories, normally when I read them they are people who have a few grands worth of debt, and although I know its all relative I think pfft - what do you know about being in debt! But recently I have read 2 new members who have lost half a million quid and my jaw just drops!!! They must think my 40k debt is a drop in the ocean!

Halfway through the year already - when we reach 2013 I can say 'next year I can say next year I will be debt free lol'. PMA!

Day 22....definitely had urges this weekend. These were brought on by losing a tenner on football bets.

I know everyone reading this will now think how am I on day 22, I should be on day 1! Football betting is not my downfall. I would NEVER think of putting more than a few quid at a time on a match, unlike roulette where I could lose thousands!

I have learnt a valuable lesson this weekend. I have learnt that although I can quite happily put a few quid on the football, if I lose this small amount of cash I instantly want to play roulette to recoup my losses!!!!!!!!!! Had a very lucky escape last night, if I hadn't been so tired I might have attempted to win my football bets back but as it turned out I chose sleep instead 🙂 And from now on, there will be no more football bets. (I only stick a few quid on to make it interesting cos I am forced to watch it - I don't even like football nor do I know who is likely to win!!!)

So tired - can't believe I am this tired and it is only Monday - this is going to be a loooooong week. But a long non gambling week!!

Day 24....got some serious urges just then...came over all of a sudden and came on because I started to panic about the levels of debt. But if I lose then the level of debt is only going to get worse! Why do I think in the back of my mind that I can turn this around - I know why, because the last few blips I have had I have quite a bit and managed to walk away up most of the time. So clearly I think I can do it again. BUT I might not win and will not win in the long run aaarrrgggghhhhhhhh. Just want rid of this debt mountain so badly!

Another huge bill through the post this morning makes me want to hit the wheel again but as it stands I am on day 25. A quarter of a century.

If I could actually be @rsed to gamble I probably would but I really can not be bothered....very strange feeling and have only experienced it a couple of times. Can't really be @rsed doing much at the minute - severe lack of sleep to thank for that.

Wondering how my friend Michael35 is getting on....I've noticed he hasn't posted in a while so I'm going to drop in on his diary. Isn't it funny how we worry about people who we've never even met before!

Day 26...so tired and cranky could quite happily have a bit of a gamble today and just f**k the recovery off. No enthusiasm for anyone or anything....need some excitement in my life. I always go through stages like this where I want to be out on the town every weekend, acting like I'm 20 again. Well I'm not 20 (unfortunately) and I can't remember the last time I went out 2 nights on the trot! It would probably kill me! I need a good blow out just to make me appreciate my home comforts again. At the moment home is BORING and I am craving something exciting to happen!!!!!! Is this all there is to life?! Work, pay debts, pay bills, stay in, scrimp by never really treating yourself to the things you really want?! God it f*****g sucks if this is all there is going to be for the next 40+ years...if I last that long.

Hopefully be a bit perkier on Monday after some sleep lol.

I have returned to the darkside yet again.

Been over a week now, lucky am currently £308 up but it could have been quite easily in the other direction. Am waiting for an absolute shed load of withdrawals to hit my account. I have set a deposit limit on the account as I was getting into dangerous territory but I still can not bring myself to self exclude!!

I'm sure I will be back on here next week attempting day one again but for now I am not even going to pretend I will not gamble again because I know I will.

I am now starting to believe it is just part of who I am and I am going to have to learn to control it and live with it.