Day 12 almost done. Shattered. Getting kids to sleep and crawling into bed!!
Day 13...unlucky for some...not me. Feeling proper down in the dumps today. Think it's lack of sleep, really struggled to drop off the last 2 nights n I love my sleep!!
Nice quiet weekend planned, lots of family time n rest n not much money being spent!
Have a good weekend fellow gamcarers xx
Day 14...mild urges creeping in today, probably cos the national is on and every man and his dog is having a bet! The husband included. Lucky for me horse racing isn't my bag.
Yet again tho I am exhausted and couldn't be bothered to gamble in the slightest. I really need to get a good nights sleep tonight am sick of feeling like a zombie!
Some good news yesterday... Looks like I will be able to move my highest interest credit card balance to a very low one next month and it also means no statements will drop through the door so it takes some of the stress off. Trying not to think about the total debt but it's hard. Need to make short achievable targets.
Hi Shorty,
Long time since I was last on. Just reading your diary, and whilst it's not good that your still binge gambling, it is great to hear from you, and good to see that your still refusing to let those demons defeat you ! Again, sounds like you're in the same sort of cycle as me, periods of gambling abstinence, then some trigger firing off a gambling binge, then financial panic, a plan, a reshuffle of Credit Cards onto the 0% deals, start to get on top of the debts again, gambling abstinence, then another trigger etc. etc. But what are those triggers ? Tiredness, work stress, boredom, financial frustrations, or a bit of everything ? But you and I both know that it's the finances which prey most heavily on our minds. Short achievable targets as you say, are the best way ahead - thinking of the overall debt can be pretty overwhelming. But I have to be honest and say that I'm a bit short on advice, as we've both been down this road a number of times, but if I was to offer any (which I will !), the best advice I could give is to start by getting some good night sleeps.
Day 15...finally managed to get some sleep and hurray my friend michael35 has returned 🙂 glad ur ok xx
Have been sent a lifeline this week with regards shifting high interest debt...a lifeline that I don't really deserve so why do I feel so f****n ungrateful??? Bad bad mood at the minute. Need to snap out of it and be thankful for what I have. Yes it's gonna be a long hard slog to clear the debts but they will clear.
Getting dressed and taking the little ones to the play centre then coming home to make a nice Sunday roast xxx
Day 16...feeling slightly more positive today which is surprising cos I had another sh1tty nights sleep...this times the kids were to blame!! Have still managed to be up washed dressed been to the bank and done a weekly food shop by 10.30 am! Hoping to get an afternoon nap in before I have to pick the eldest up from nursery. Definitely going to the gym tonight was feeling pretty ill and wiped out last week so need to make a massive effort this week and next...then have a big night out to look forward to 🙂
No urges. It's amazing how when ur ill or ridiculously tired you couldn't give 2 hoots about gambling or the debt!
Day 17...I seem to spend my life writing about how much sleep I'm getting lol...pleased to report that I had a great nights sleep last night and am feeling great today! I'd rather write about my sleep pattern than about how much money I've lost! Off for a nice bath now as I am home alone which hardly ever happens!!! My determination remains solid.
Well done so far Shorty.
I can relate you yourself and Michael in that I binge gamble, get into debt, start sorting the debt then mess up by binge gambling again. I don't want to make the mistake again, so I'm also going to try doing a diary to keep me popping in here every day - something I've not done before.
I'm only on day two, but look forward to us celebrating many days,weeks,months & years gamble free x
One of the posts said "why is this time different" - which was very thought provoking for me. I think I stand a much better chance of beating this if I hang around this site 😀
Thank you for sharing your diary x
Hey pinky333 thanks for ur post I will reply to ur diary today 🙂 all I can say is that these diaries are definitely a massive help especially in early recovery so keep them up and try and post every day xxx
Day 18...clocking up the days faster than I thought. Have updated every day apart from one and I intend to keep that up. Just read Flaggs diary and he's 2 years clean today...amazing, gives me such inspiration.
Next mini target date is the 13th May...this is when I can shift a massive high interest credit card to a low rate which will ease the financial burden a tiny amount! Have every faith I can make it to that date gamble free and then I will set myself a new mini target.
I was in the bath reading last night and the book is about a woman who has man trouble (very boring for the blokes lol). It was describing the break up with her first husband and it said that 'they had just grown apart there was no infidelity no gambling addiction'. My goodness did that stop me in my tracks!!!! A very strong reality check that my marriage could end because of this. This would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me, worse than losing a million pound, losing my house etc etc etc. it's things like this that make u more determined so I thank the author for that tiny sentence that gave me a big slap in the face.
Day 19...stress levels are through the roof today...can't go into too much detail on here but let's just say I could be very close to being found out. Can't eat, can't sleep, feel sick...if I get through today without him finding out I should be safe for now but have a horrible feeling it's only an amount of time before he discovers the truth.
Day 21...think I'm going to be ok...for now. So frickin terrified i couldn't even think about gambling but the pressure to clear the debts is really on now :-/
Day 23...nothing could be further from my mind than gambling. Think I've managed to avoid being found out but seriously stressful times at the minute. Taking one day at a time sand hoping for the best.
Day 26... Can't believe it's been that long it feels about 6 days since my last f&ck up. Not an urge or a thought crosses my mind. Things are still very stressful at home hopefully we can get through the next 3 months ok and then things should start improving. Money is not the be all and end all. I fear that you have to have loads of money to realize this but I have heard a few very famous actors say this. Money means nothing. Health and family are the keys to a happy life. Must remember this xxx
Day 30....crazy weekend still recovering but still no gambling and no more crazy nights out for a long time now! Xxx
Just wanted to tell you how well I think you're doing Shorty xxx
Keep it up! You're being amazing :-))
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