"TALES FROM THE OTHER SIDE"

Hi Jackie,pleased to see we have made you smile :)......,hope all is going well for you and Jim.

Seano.

Jac

Thanks for the post, hubby did know have posted on my thread today, I didn't have a blocker and managed my clean time without so though it wasn't needed.

This weekend is that big horse race and when hubby has a flutter will use that time to suggest he passwords the computer.

I value your support so much, I truly felt you would have given me a bigger b*ll*king Jac but then I have been doing it to myself conatantly.

Love W xxx

Jac

Thanks so much for the kind words. Having regained a little self respect and pride makes times like these much more easy to deal with.

You do a lot of very constructive posting on here and its much appreciated.

Eyes X

Hi Jac, thank you for your kind words. Its not been a great time for me and even when not gambling life still deals us our daily dose of problems as you well know but GA has given me the strength to put things in perspective and keep on the right track.

Theres many things i dont agree with on this site but it helps many and has me too at times so, like a cake, i take some of the ingredients from here, however small, and mix them with others to get what i need to stay clean.

I hope you and Jim are keeping well xx

Hi Jac,

Thanks for your message on my diary. I've read a lot of the messages you write to people on here and they always make a lot of sense. You are right my thought processes have changed a lot recently. They have over the whole time I've used this site to be honest, but thats probably not as obvious since its a snap shot in time and obviously can't reflect what I was like before writing on here. You're also right that gambling is complex ranging I guess from at one end, a pound on the village raffle, to a compulsive disorder at the other and varying forms of social and problem gambling in between. Not to mention all the different methods of gambling. I hope you don't mind me sharing a little of my story in order to explain myself? My own passion or poison perhaps is horse racing, particularly jump racing. I first came to this site about this time last year, ironically to help a friend. I don't have their permission to go into detail so I won't, but fair to say they had gotten themselves in a big mess through gambling and I was trying to help them with some literature. I was curious, read some of the diaries and was truly inspired by some of the stories. This had quite an affect on me and led me to examine my own gambling behaviour. I'd kidded myself for a long time that I had no issues with gambling simply because I didn't have any financial issues from it. I was able to make money from it, had done for quite a few years. I did this by a lot of study and a lot of discipline in what I bet on. It took finding this site to realise that I did indeed have a problem, a big one of neglect of myself and others all because I was consumed by gambling and the process of it. And for what, I still don't really know, probably just for the challenge of doing it, it certainly wasn't for money, I hardly ever spent any, there was no time for that, always another race to study. Anyway on realising this I stopped gambling completely in June last year. I spent a lot of time doing others things, spent more time on myself and my family and at first it was great. I turned down offers to go racing with friends, went from one extreme to the other you might say. Increasingly however I was becoming about as obsessive of NOT gambling as I was of gambling previously. This culminated with me about to turn down yet another offer to join some friends at the pub to watch Cheltenham races this March. It was becoming a case of cutting my nose off to spite my face. Now the safest way to not have any issues with gambling is of course to not gamble. I've reached a point now though where I'm not gambling like a maniac as I was previously, neither am I being obsessive about cutting out completely, something I enjoy. For the first time in years I simply feel quite happy that I'm not obsessed with gambling, or obsessed with not gambling. Surely that can't be bad?

Thanks again for your message. The fact that people take time on here to write you and help out is truly inspiring to me and I really appreciate that. Yours and your husband's story is an amazing one and I wish you all the best for your future.

Best regards

wtl.

Hi Jac,

Just wanted to say a quick thank you for the post of my diary. The barriers are something that i never did all the other times i've tried to quit in the past. I'm really focussing on them this time. I needed a reminder like that though because i've lost that horrible feeling when i lost all my money the rush to get barriers in place has gone but tommorrow i'm going to have a good think of other things i can do.

Thanks for your support,

Jimmy

Hi Jac, just wanted to say how pleased I am for you that Jim has just celebrated his 4th birthday as a non-gambler.

As I think I said on Jim's diary recently that he and I have something in common--we were never very good at gambling but nobody could ever fault our choice in partners.

I hope you both treated yourselves to a little something--you certainly deserve it.

All the best to you both

Stumper xx

Hi Jac, Thank you for your kind words on my thread, it is so lovely that you take the time to support other people. I feel so much better and clear headed, I just need to keep going. day by day.....

thanks again, Maddie x

Hi Jac,

I just wanted to congratulate Jim and yourself on 4 years. I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I hadn't read your stories until tonight. I'm not ashamed to say that the 1st few pages of your diary brought a tear to my eye. I can relate to a lot of what you and Jim have gone through. I'm sadly divorced now and although gambling wasn't the sole cause it certainly didn't help the situation. I just wondered if you mind me recommending your diary to certain cg's? They perhaps could learn a lot from reading it. I know I have.

Stay Strong

Steve

Hi Jackie, hope you and jim have had a good weekend and you are both well.

Just wanted to drop in and thankyou for you lovely post on my diary, you got me choked with your kindness.

You are so right with what you are saying about life is what we make it, we all have choices and no one points a gun to our head to make us gamble. For me the one and only slip i had back in september was the turning point of my recovery, whilst pumping pound coins through a machine i was literally in tears and sobbing like a baby. Gambling is no longer is an escape mechanisim for me, learning about yourself and other ways of coping with life has been so important to me. This forum has taught me a lot and i have had quite a few tears along the way, yourself and jim are inspirational!

Anyway i apoligise for my waffle on your diary and would like to thank you again for your kindness. andrew

Hi Jackie

Just wanted to pop by and say you where right i walked home tonight, head held up high and smiling, it felt so good and refreshing..

My journey has been realy tough like for many of us, but the hard work is now starting to make a huge difference in my life....

Thankyou, ands

Hi Jackie,

thank you for the kind words and encouragement on my diary.I hope your health is stable at the moment,you are certainly having to take a lot of meds!!!.In my own case(like your medical problem i imagine Jackie) i know that bipolar disorder will be with me for the rest of my life,i have suffered with it for ten years now(probably much longer, but ten years since i was diagnosed),although this is by far the worst "episode" i have had so far.

Best wishe's.

Seano.

Hi Ade,

Yes, Im doing ok thanks. The poem you talk of isnt mine, something I read in GA literature once, many moons ago.

I was trying to find out on the net this morning where it originated from... but Im still unsure! lol. It appears to be used in a lot of various addiction sites but no reference to actual origin... but hey, that doesnt matter really. What is important is... It is very powerful and appears to sum up addiction perfectly.

I also found the section below. The piece obviously comes from America addiction site but may also help people understand or indeed identify with their own addictions & their recoveries.

I-Am-Addiction you need Addictions-Recovery

You’ll need medical stabilization before you can really confront me. Before you body’s brain/mind can gain control of your daily life.

You’ll have to give up your search for immature gratifications. You’ll have to give up your self-seeking behaviors. And give up your dependent childlike responses.

Recovery? Overcoming me will require you to grow up. You’ll have to start acting like an adult. Take up a grown person’s mature role of self responsibility. All your left over dependency issues just get in the way of your recovery.

Then you’ll be able to say: “I am no longer an addicted person any longer.”

I-Am-Addiction whether substance abuse such as alcoholism, or other drugs, or food, or behavior like s*x, P**n, or gambling.

And whether you first sought relief or a reprieve from shame, stress, or boredom. It all doesn’t really matter.

You chose the addictive path whether the substance of choice for use was usually considered an addicting thing or not.

You chose to use a substance or behavior to produce temporary pleasure in hopes of dislodging your pain, stress, or shame. I understand, I am addiction.

Let me give you a few inside secrets.

You need less addictive, healthier means to ease or let go your pain.

You think of your pleasure, your pain, as a sort of simple absolute, an innate thing. It is not. Pleasure is a piece of evolved body/brain/mind machinery for turning off various parts of the brain itself.

Pleasure is like sleep. It can turn off parts of your brain so you can keep the memory of the things you are trying to learn. It, pleasure, protects the short term memory buffers of your brain.

I-Am-Addiction. Pleasure is my free ride. But, pleasure has a bug, a “virus,” me, which is, if you gain control of pleasure, you keep doing it. That is whatever produced the pleasure in the first place. It feels good.

If you can control your pleasure centers, you can turn off your brain.

Now, that is a very serious bug which gives birth to me: Addiction.

So you, whether, a football fan, a pop music devotee, a TV or computer game addict, or just can’t get enough pain-killers, s*x, P**n, or religion, have an addiction.

They are all suppressing your normal regular human goals. And they are doing something else. They are destroying your possible regular normal life. Call it what you want.

I-Am-Addiction.

We need to Grow Up.

Yes, I-Am-Addiction, I know I am like a giant buffet in America. And over much of the world for that matter.

Now my last advice.

When you turn to experiencing ANY experience, from solace to the exclusion of meaningful involvement in the rest of your life, you engage in your addiction.

Activities which give rise to a satisfying adult life also enable you to give me up, give addiction up. So you can unplug, let go.

Satisfying activities of real adult life are the tools for overcoming addiction. In fact, they can prevent addiction in the first place.

You can get more satisfactions living without me than you can get from sustaining me. And that’s a fact.

Yes, I-Am-Addiction.

And your recovery rests on maintaining balance, that precious middle ground. That area where you work creatively with the forces of the inevitable. Seek unity and order in the midst of complexity. Balance.

I-Am-Addiction. I am tired, give me a rest.

The amount of your self discipline demonstrates your degree of self care.

FOR SALE: ABSTINENCE The Ultimate Guilt Blocker.

Jackie x

Hello "mrs.nagger" heh heh heh,thank you so so much for your concern on my diary....it gave me the perfect lift up for the day because on these diaries when you speak we listen,well I certainly do lol.....best wishes to you and jim a total inspiration. 🙂

Glad your enjoying the sunny weather Jackie,i imagine it helps a bit with the pain,my late father had RA and he used to say that the warmer weather helped a great deal.One of my best friends moved down to Falmouth 4 years ago and he tells me that in your neck of the woods the weather is always that bit warmer than up here in the midlands.I hope you and Jim have a nice weekend.

Seano, :).