Good morning all,
For those of you that didnt see my intro post, you can find it here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/how-why-where-when
This may give you an idea of my background and how my addiction/disease progressed..
To assist me in recovery, I thought I would share my thoughts/diary with you as I begin another long journey to recovery..
Since joining the site on Tuesday it has been a bit of a bumpy ride, but I can confidently say, I have not gambled for the past 4 days.
It has been a struggle, especially as I spend the majority of my working week driving around the country, so motorway service stations are lethal to me! But to cope with this I planned ahead with military precision. I made a flask of coffee and stocked my car with snacks and sweeties, I made my 'wee' stops at motorway lay bys rather Services (I actually had a quick nap at one!)
My evening time, where I stay overnight in hotels can also become messy, but I made myself switch my computer off early, put my Ipad away for the night and left them (and my mobile phone) in my hotel room and went for a walk to collect my thoughts.
I still have so many priorities to deal with to ease my recover. I think i am suffering from depression, so I am booking a doctors appointment, my debts are horrendous, my cash flow is terrible, my banking is all over the place, and so many more to deal with. However, they have all been put into a folder in my brain (in no particular order at the moment) and I am solely concentrating on getting through each day at present by not gambling.
I am home alone today and have had some huge urges, but by coming back to this website and throwing myself into my work and doing a lot of email catching up has distracted my thoughts. Writing this diary is distracting them further and serving as a reminder as to why I MUST not gamble and MUST not give up.
Thank you all for reading and best wishes on your own journeys...
THx. for sharing some of the details of your life and this site could be a good place to stop by when you are online, for sure. welcome. tara2
Day 5 of no gambling.
Been a tough week and having trouble sleeping. Doctors appointment booked for next week to try to help deal with what I think is depression, that may be some of the cause of my gambling triggers. Should be ok this weekend as I am surrounded by family and friends for most of it.
Day 16 of no gambling..
Well, I wont lie, the past 16 days has been a bit of a blur and a real uphill struggle. The urges to gamble have sometimes been overwhelming, but I (thankfully) abstained.
Pay day is on the horizon, which scares me a lot.
I have put quite a few measures in place since I decided to give up gambling (This is the second time aroudn, so I am using some of my experience from my first time of giving up).
Measures in place at present: 1. Read the Gamcare forums EVERYTIME I get the urge to gamble, this gives me another reminder of why I cant gamble. 2. I only carry about £5 a day with me now, as i am on the road a lot, I only take enough money to get a coffee and a sandwich. 3. I prepare in advance if I am going on a long journey. Motorway service stations with their flashing lights were a killer for me, so I no longer stop at them, instead I find a parking layby and stop for a wee there! 4. All bank cards are left at home when I am travelling. 5. I tend to make a flask of coffee and stash loads of snacks in my car so I dont need to stop uneccesarily. 6. I have installed gambling blocking software on my mobile and IPad. 7 I have removed any form of gambling app from my IPAD, including any free to play casino games.
I still have so much to do to get my life back on track, but I am having to deal with the here and now, rather than look long term. I am up to my eyeballs in debt (which I have ignored and buried my head in the sand, for now). The more I think about my debt it makes me feel like I want to gamble and get the big win (that will never come) to pay the debts off. I am solely concentrating on just TODAY.
I have also written a wish list, it may sound strange to you, but I have written a kind of shopping list of things that I want to spend my money on, rather than chucking it in FOBT or Bookies pockets. Obviously, top of my list is to replace the 9 Army Service medals that I sold to fund my gambling habit, but the list also includes a few nice shirts I have spotted, a few items for the house and I also want to take my girlfriend out for a meal where I can pay, rather than her.
Still a lot of work to do, but as I said, one day at a time for me at present.
I hope everyone elses recovery plans are working. Keep trying! I am told this gets easier with time, I really hope so....
Good on you mate! Great to see solid plans to keep your gambling (Time-Money-Location remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken 🙂
I too spent many hours thinking the only way out of my financial carnage was to gamble & all I ever achieved was a deeper hole (like I imagine scrabbling in quick sand would be). As soon as I actually stopped gambling & my debt stopped increasing more manically than the interest could be added, I managed to get a grip just like you are doing now!
Hope you got on ok with the quack & for what it’s worth my rollercoaster ride of recovery has definitely stopped shaking me so hard that my teeth rattle! So yep, I concur, it does get easier with time but I will also add the caveat, as long as you have support.
Be safe, be strong & look after you - ODAAT
Checking in on day 23 gamble free.
Had some tough days the past week, but got through them.
Pay day is 2 days away, so must put my gloves on and keep my chin up and stay strong. This will be my biggest test yet, but one day at a time. I haven’t gambled today and that’s good enough for me at the moment.
Checking in at day 40, really struggling lately and have become extremely short tempered, moody and grumpy. Hope this life changes soon and the miserableness turns to happiness
Hi
You would be amazed at the number of people on here who are probably reading your posts and willing you on to get to day 50. You should be proud of yourself for 40 days. It cannot be an easy ride and there will be down-days and temptations but you are doing really well and the important thing is that you really do want to change your life for the better. Keep doing what you have been doing to get to 40 days and many more gfree days will follow. And don't forget - your posts and tips and sharing your feelings are helping other people. Your wish list is not a daft idea - it is a way to focus on the future and set targets for yourself and give you things to look forward to. I hate that hardworking, and many times I hear - basically good and nice people, are being drawn to this life-damaging problem. I hope the doc is supporting you as well. I hope you do not mind me posting.
Good luck and take care
Please, JA72, don’t give in. Keep strong.
Experience tells me that when I read a post along the lines of “... I nearly relapsed” suggests a relapse is imminent.
You are going to feel bad. The gambling devil lurking within you wants you to gamble. It’s sulking big time.
Don’t give it the satisfaction.
In fact, wind it up even more. What blocks can you put in place?
Remember, willpower is not sufficient. We know that. Blocks are essential and critical; especially if the blocks are so good you couldn’t gamble even if you wanted to.
Even if you wanted to.
That’s the key.
Stick with this. This is your life, your future, your happiness.
It starts now. You’ve made a great start. Keep going 🙂
Mixer
Checking in on day 47
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