So this is my first step to what I hope will be recovery and release from my poisonous and destructive behaviour which has almost consumed me, but I am not broken - not yet.
I feel drained and tired from gambling, it really has become such a compulsion. It is so dangerous and I haven't been able to control my gambling impulses.
I am heavily in debt, like so many people with this affliction. My finances are truly worrying. My income has been low in recent years and the overwelming majority of this has fed FOBTs and online casinos. My problem has been that I can never stop or call it a day - even when I am up! I just keep going until the inevitable loss and resultant earth-shattering low. I have borrowed from friends/family and used the money to gamble as well as taking our payday loans etc - I feel such a cheat and a liar. Well, It is now or never for me I feel - If I cannot stop now then my life will be not worth living. I just hope I haven't left it too late. Anyway, I am feeling positive tonight after speaking with a Gamcare counsellor on the phone. It was upon his advice I started this blog.
Today is just the beginning - I hope I can make it. I'm going to take one day at a time.I hope this resolve lasts but I am scared as I don't trust myself anymore. My psychology has been battered by this cursed addiction..I just want to be able to breathe again and remember who I once was.
Any advice and help would be really appreciated. I will try and write everyday as a way of keeping my motivation going.
*One good thing - have downloaded blocking software on my laptop. Feeling positive about that.
Freeing myself
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same desire, to end the misery that is there compulsion to gamble.
We all when active live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
Gambling addiction is in my opinion progressive in its nature, it will never be satisfied with what you give it.
My advice simple, there is a triangle
Time -money -location
Take one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible
Gifting the rational side of the brain control.
Recovery is a life choice
Please take it,it's free and will gift you no end of opportunity.
By embracing abstinence you gift yourself a 100% pay rise and actually win without waging a single penny.
You turn that mantra upside down
I did win because I did stop.
Enjoy the winning
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
duncanmac wrote:
Freeing myself
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who share the same desire, to end the misery that is there compulsion to gamble.
We all when active live by the same mantra
I cannot win because I cannot stop.
Gambling addiction is in my opinion progressive in its nature, it will never be satisfied with what you give it.
My advice simple, there is a triangle
Time -money -location
Take one away at all times and the next punt becomes impossible
Gifting the rational side of the brain control.
Recovery is a life choice
Please take it,it's free and will gift you no end of opportunity.
By embracing abstinence you gift yourself a 100% pay rise and actually win without waging a single penny.
You turn that mantra upside down
I did win because I did stop.
Enjoy the winning
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
Such brilliant advice. Hope you take it on board. Tri
It's NEVER too late, otherwise you wouldn't be here. We're all in this together
Thanks guys - that's some really encouraging advice. Duncan, your words are really inspiring and I can completely make sense of what you wrote. The Triangle is a wonderful approach..I will try and focus and live by this. Thanks too Gotto - better late than never I suppose. So today is day two, I had a terrible night's sleep. It's clear how much gambling has affected my well being and peace of mind. Hope to get through today and make it through to the 24 hour mark. Time to regain control. It's really comforting to write on here and know others have been through the same as me. Abstinance is the only way - I have lied to myself previously by thinking a little bet won't hurt, but it spirals of course. You're right - I cannot win because I cannot stop. Anyway, at least the sun is shining - to new beginnings!
I don't know how I will get out of this mess financially and be able to breathe again. Through my gambling I have lost all sense of the value of money. This weekend I am at home mostly with no resource to gamble, so that's positive, but I have bills and debts looming with no way of making repayments. How I let myself get in this god awful mess I have no idea. I haven't gambled in a few days now, although still having the urges and impulses. This is really going to be a challenge, not just to stay off the bet, but also get my life back together financially. It's going to be a bit of a bleak few months (and beyond).
Had a bet-free weekend. One day at a time. The hard part will be when I have money in my pocket again. Slowly but surely will beat this and free myself. It's a massive change of lifestyle, but have enjoyed playing sport and reading this weekend. Hard work to come over the coming week.
Thanks GT. You're right in what you say. My debt will not go away if I don't take action in continuing to abstain. I have to stay resolute and stick on this path of refrain and control. Trying to stay strong! Thanks for your kind and helpful words GT.
Day 5 - lack of finance very worrying with debt hanging over me. Have been reading a lot as I have no money to go out and do anything. I'm hoping to find a new job soon which would give me focus and increased finances. I am desperately worried for when I do have money again. I need to be so careful in managing my urges (which seem to be lessening somewhat although I know I could let my guard down in a moment). Looking forward to starting some counselling soon. Soon it will be a week without gambling..hoping I can see this through to the long-term.
So it's been 10 days now and I feel I am starting to turn a corner. It's been almost gamble free in that I wagered £2.20 on one of those stupid machines after 6 days. I feel guilty about that, but it was a momentry slip. Having a slip like that has given me more resolve. I have talked to some of my creditors with whom I am in debt and am starting to see the light slightly. Unfortunately, I have had my hours reduced at work, which is really bad news, but I am staying optimistic and am enjoying managing myself and my finances, even if things are pretty tight. Tomorrow I will treat myself to a swim at a local health club..it's a mini-reward for doing well so far. The urges seem to be lessening which I am so grateful for..I don't have a looming sense of dread and anxiety about betting. Anyway, so far so good (ish) - gotta keep this up for the long term.
It's been 4 weeks since I made the decision to stop gambling, but I haven't posted for a while and I became complacent about things. I was making such good progress but have slipped today and lost nearly £300 (basically my budget for the month after debt repayments etc have been taken into account). I made some bad decisions in that I had to go to a nearby town centre and not a place I have self-excluded from. I was carrying my debit card as was too lazy to return and to leave it at home after withdrawing the funds I needed for the day. The poisioned thought of just having a little bet, which I resisted initially, spiralled and I lost all control. I feel extremely guilty and have let myself down. Financially there is a consequence of course - things will be difficult again for a while. I feel S****y and know I cannot trust myself when faced with gambling possibilities. I will re-focus..keep posting and not give myself the opportunity. Today was a set-back..I had several weeks not gambling and have made some good progress, but it was a costly mistake today. Need to keep my resolve and awareness.
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