Hi everyone,
First time poster but a long time lurker. I admire the compassion shown on here from a like-minded community of people who have all suffered with, or been affected by similar problems. My story isn’t as financially excessive as some of the others I have read, but I’m still able to recognise I’ve got a problem that needs to be tackled immediately. Your posts have inspired me to try something different - my own diary.
Gambling is a very selfish habit itself. You’re selfish with your time,money and affection that can be much more productive in other avenues of your life. So keeping true to form, the reason I’m doing this diary is selfishly for myself. I’ve previously abstained with various (and, minimum) success, but always come back to gambling with a devastating thump. At this moment in time, I can’t face up to telling people in real life about this addiction I have, so I feel if I can be honest about my progress and keep this updated regularly, then I can make sure I don’t let you down!
I’ll give you a bit of background of my story. I’ve gambled for about 12 years on and off. I don’t really know why because I hate the way it makes me feel and I never win. People always talk about that first big win getting them hooked and then it spiralling out of control from there but I’ve never had that, so I can’t really relate. I’ve always had a keen interest in it, even when I was a child - whether that be on the grabbing machines or the 2p machines at the arcades or the casino level on Sonic 2.
I can hand on heart say sports betting is not a problem with me. I can go months without thinking about it then mug a quid on a football game if I’m with friends. My big problem has always been with card games. My eternal shame - I don’t even want to call it by it’s name I despise it so much. I have no idea what the accumulated losses are on that game but I know they’re certainly four figures. I haven’t lost a house or a car or anything like that but it’s absolutely enough to affect my life in a negative way, whether that be feeling really down or not having the disposable income to go out that weekend or afford that material thing I wanted. This has always been online so nobody can see me. Another weird but interesting fact is I never ever gamble on my tablet or computer, it’s only ever on my phone. I’m the type of person who would put his bag of sweets back if the shopping got too much but will burn 200x the cost of that in a session of digital numbers on a screen. Numbers that are statically programmed for you to lose. See, I know all this, yet for years I keep coming back and it needs to stop. The bottom line is I can’t gamble because I’m way too competitive, and I refuse to let things beat me. Yet deep down I know I’m the real loser.
Into the present and after avoiding the traps for four days (the result of a big loss) and feeling pretty pleased with myself, I was taken in by a stupid “Stake x get x” promotional email. This eventually led to losses of double of what the previous was. I have now self-excluded from the five accounts I own.
Last bet 26/05/2018 at 10:23am. Obviously pretty gutted at the moment but tomorrow will be a brighter, gamble free day. And the day after that. And the day after that.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope that we can all defeat this horrible addiction forever.
Well nearly at the 24 hours mark now. Very early days and feel disappointed by yesterday’s relapse but a tiny achievement is better than no achievement at all.
Have a great bank holiday everyone!
Hi Terry, you are doing the right thing starting a diary. But you will need further reinforcements.
I tried self control for years, thinking I could beat this on my own. Ha! Little did I know that there was no chance of that. Relapse would follow relapse and so on...
Blocks blocks and more blocks. Make sure you are registered with GAMSTOP, The is the single biggest weapon us GAs have been given in our fight against online gambling.
Do not, as I would always do, leave the door ajar for a future gamble. Close all doors and accept you will never gamble again. Ever. Anything less than that and you will be back.
Best of luck!
Terry, you have possibly got there a step ahead of most people before it’s gotten really crippling and well done on realising at the stage you have.
Most of my damage has also been done on the same card game but I’ve only TRULY stopped once all available blocks have been put in place, GAMSTOP, self exclusion and the likes have meant I can start to focus on LIFE again and not numbers. If you nail it so there’s no possible way to gamble then your mind will clear and you can look to move forward.
Good luck
Ukds69 wrote:
Hi Terry, you are doing the right thing starting a diary. But you will need further reinforcements.
I tried self control for years, thinking I could beat this on my own. Ha! Little did I know that there was no chance of that. Relapse would follow relapse and so on...
Blocks blocks and more blocks. Make sure you are registered with GAMSTOP, The is the single biggest weapon us GAs have been given in our fight against online gambling.
Do not, as I would always do, leave the door ajar for a future gamble. Close all doors and accept you will never gamble again. Ever. Anything less than that and you will be back.
Best of luck!
Hey Ukds69, thank you for taking the time to comment on my post.
You are right, Gamstop is something I certainly need to look into. I suppose self exclusion on your accounts can only take you so far, as unfortunately there are hundreds of other bookmakers you can sign up with if you start to get the urge.
samba79 wrote:
Terry, you have possibly got there a step ahead of most people before it’s gotten really crippling and well done on realising at the stage you have.
Most of my damage has also been done on the same card game but I’ve only TRULY stopped once all available blocks have been put in place, GAMSTOP, self exclusion and the likes have meant I can start to focus on LIFE again and not numbers. If you nail it so there’s no possible way to gamble then your mind will clear and you can look to move forward.
Good luck
Hi Samba79, thank you for taking the time out to read my post and offer your advice.
Yeah if I’m honest with myself i’ve had a problem for a long time but seem to have got myself into a habit where there is a certain pattern.
I will lose a set amount, feel terrible about it for a few days, avoid gambling altogether for a few weeks then forget all about the guilt and anger it’s caused and relapse, heading back to the online cards. Repeat the cycle every month or so. This isn’t something I want to do for the rest of my life, and I’m aware of the potential disaster that could be caused financially with this behaviour.
I am going to research Gamstop and get the foundations in place so I can kick it once and for all.
Also just to keep the diary up to date - I’ve had a great day today and there’s been no urges to gamble.
Well comfortably past the two day mark without any urges.
Kept myself busy and enjoying the sunshine, a much better recipe for life than stressing about digital numbers on mobile phone screen that’s programmed for you to lose, before getting upset that your hard-earned cash is gone.
Well done mate, what I would say is still get into GAMSTOP and potential blocks, head it off now and you will feel so much better about the whole thing, rather than getting into more bother in a few days, weeks and find yourself here again.
I can only speak from my experience but with each relapse I did more and more each time until now when I am totally unable to place a bet online. Had I done this earlier when I really should have, the problem would still have been there but I would have had more in the bank. If you make this action now, then DO IT right now, don't put it off as the future you will only be annoyed that you didn't do it earlier.
Thanks
Hi Terry,
Yep, GAMSTOP should be the FIRSTSTOP now for starting the giving up process.
The litmus test for are you serious about giving up? If you don’t automatically opt for the maximum 5 year option, then you are most probably not (consciously or otherwise). You must go for the max or you WILL be back.
samba79 wrote:
Well done mate, what I would say is still get into GAMSTOP and potential blocks, head it off now and you will feel so much better about the whole thing, rather than getting into more bother in a few days, weeks and find yourself here again.
I can only speak from my experience but with each relapse I did more and more each time until now when I am totally unable to place a bet online. Had I done this earlier when I really should have, the problem would still have been there but I would have had more in the bank. If you make this action now, then DO IT right now, don't put it off as the future you will only be annoyed that you didn't do it earlier.
Thanks
Hi Samba, thanks once again for commenting on my diary, it’s great to see people offering invaluable advice to others.
I’ve looked at GAMSTOP and it seems like it’s free, easy and exactly what’s needed and yet being totally honest I’ve not signed up yet but I don’t really know why.
I guess it’s a “well, this is it” moment and even though it’s exactly what I want to do, my brain seems to be putting it off. I think I’m embarrassed by the whole thing.
Nearly into four days now and this diary is definitely helping me. Feels good to get it off my chest.
Ukds69 wrote:
Hi Terry,
Yep, GAMSTOP should be the FIRSTSTOP now for starting the giving up process.
The litmus test for are you serious about giving up? If you don’t automatically opt for the maximum 5 year option, then you are most probably not (consciously or otherwise). You must go for the max or you WILL be back.
Hey UKds69, thank you for your comment and your helpful advice.
I think you have completely nailed it when it you called it a litmus test. When I was looking through the options I was warming to the ideal of taking just year out but then I’m not sure why that’s going through my thought process because I do want to stop. It’s a rubbish habit that I get no joy out of so why haven’t I signed up the moment it was mentioned? I have to look at myself and get it sorted.
Leave a door ajar and you are leaving it there to be used. Alongside Gamstop consider ditching the smartphone for a basic non-internet enabled phone. The addiction will tell you it can't be done but a little inconvenience is a small price to pay for not having instant access to those games when the urge strikes.
Hi Terry,
Yes been there a hundred times. Self excluding from a site for 3 months, 6 months etc. Why? Because I unconsciously wasn’t serious about giving up. It was only going end one way.
I would say to anybody not self excluding (GAMSTOP or otherwise) for the absolute max term available, to do exactly what you have said... To stop and ask themselves why exactly am I doing that? The honest answer unfortunately can only be that they are not yet ready to give it up. In which case, a subsequent relapse is a matter of when, not if. That is 100% guaranteed.
Lethe wrote:
Leave a door ajar and you are leaving it there to be used. Alongside Gamstop consider ditching the smartphone for a basic non-internet enabled phone. The addiction will tell you it can't be done but a little inconvenience is a small price to pay for not having instant access to those games when the urge strikes.
Hi Lethe, thanks so much for commenting on my diary.
Getting rid of my smartphone - wow that’s very interesting and not something I’ve considered before. A drastic step but it would certainly put a blocker when the temptation resurfaces again as you’ve mentioned, especially when I only ever gamble on my phone. I think I would find it tough to do but maybe it’s necessary.
Ukds69 wrote:
Hi Terry,
Yes been there a hundred times. Self excluding from a site for 3 months, 6 months etc. Why? Because I unconsciously wasn’t serious about giving up. It was only going end one way.
I would say to anybody not self excluding (GAMSTOP or otherwise) for the absolute max term available, to do exactly what you have said... To stop and ask themselves why exactly am I doing that? The honest answer unfortunately can only be that they are not yet ready to give it up. In which case, a subsequent relapse is a matter of when, not if. That is 100% guaranteed.
Hi Ukds69, once again thanks for commenting. It’s great that someone who’s been there like yourself is willing to help and offer advice and I’ve taken everything you’ve said on board.
Currently nearly five days gamble free and I’ve not really thought about it apart from coming on this site to update my diary. It’s not something that enhances my life whatsoever, so I’m not sure why I keep falling into the trap. It’s almost as if I use it as an escape route from the mundane of everyday life, then as a process of self-loathing when it inevitably goes sour. Very strange behaviour that I struggle to understand.
One thing that I’d like to mention as a passing point is that the amount of gambling adverts on TV is horrifying. Seems to be every other advert these days you have some Z-list celebrity who has sold their soul for a bingo/sports/casino sponsored pay cheque. That can’t be healthy can it? Especially as online play is hidden from your everyday social circle (as mine has been through the years). It’s out of control and needs to be regulated.
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