The start of my journey, again

Congratulations dholla on 17 day's gamble free and glad to see your positive and focused :))

Onward's and upward's Buddy !

All the best !

Thanks ALAN, i'm trying to be.

Hope this finds you doing well with your own journey, onwards and upwards indeed.

Hi dholla, great to hear you're lining up a GF Tuesday. You and me both! Good man.

Well guys day 18, still gamble free but not the easiest day i've got to admit.

Wasn't sure whether to even metnion this on here but I guess it's all connected so hopefully this will help someone avoid the situation i'm in.

As i've previously said, when coming clean my fiancee kicked me out of the house, that was just over 2 weeks ago now. Now please don't get me wrong, I don't blame her for that at all, I totally understand and appreciate that it was my own doing. What i'm starting to struggle with a little is that we're still texting every day and to be honest, it's lovely, very civil even joking and putting kisses on the end of her texts (although she does that with everyone to be fair). Now what i'm struggling with is really not knowing where i stand. Hell, maybe I deserve this and it's my cummupence for what I did, I can live with that (although I do still hate what I put her through). I don't know, I just really struggle at times knowing whether there's any hope for us. I hope there is, she knows that. I've told her how much she means to me and how badly I want to work at both staying GF and our relationship.

To be fair she has given me no real reason to doubt that we can sort things out, think i'm just having one of those days, hell I miss her, not ashamed of admitting that and i've told her as much. The thing is I guess that whenever I tell her that I still love her and I miss her and that I want to sort things out it's never reciprocated. Now I get that i've put her in a very awkward position and she's just taking the time she needs to get things straight in her head, can't begrudge her that.

Maybe what's making it worse is that i've had a couple of things happen at work. All good things but things I would love to celebrate with her. As i've said, I know i've brought this on myself so not putting any of this on her just having a rough day on that front I guess.

Sorry for the possibly incoherent rant today guys, usually my posts are pretty short and sweet but hey, if it helps getting it down then why not.

On the plus side i'm still GF and have no intentions of breaking either today or tomorrow. One day at a time guys, pushing 3 weeks soon wohooo.

Hope everyone is staying stong and doing well.

Hi dholla1

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been really going through the wars today. Reading your post, it's clear that everything is truly mixed up right now and you're not sure what way things are headed. And, as you say, these feelings are compunded with the good news you've had at work, and, as we all know, we all love sharing good news.

You're having a tough day, mate, and just glad your sharing it on here. It helps get it out of your head and type it online, to give you the space to help clear your brain a little.

You are keeping absolutely resolved to the GF path which is very commendable and this is showing your character under adversity - you're scoring very highly there and will always put you under excellent stead for the future, no matter how things pan out there.

Talking of which, it's clear you're still in flux and not sure how things are likely to pan out. I feel for you. There will be a time, and you'll know when that is, when you'll need to know 'an answer'. This may come from you, her, or naturally between you. You are building up resolve however it goes but just remember we're all here on this website, ready to support you, whatever the outcome.

Meantime, as you're doing, it's one day at a time, and you're doing great - 18 days GF. Let's get you to 30; right. One day at a time.

Take it easy dholla1, and keep posting. We'll keep reading, have no doubt 🙂

All the best, Mixer

Mixer it's always a pleasure to read your replies my friend and you're certainly alot better with words than I am.

I am happy to say however that I think yesterday was just one of those days, not exactly a bad one for any reason just one of those random days we all have that seem to be sent to test us all. On the bright side I have flown through day 19 without even a thought of gambling, until I came on here wierdly enough lol. Still, that wasn't an urge I guess coming on here just makes you remember everything which for me, can only lead to even more resolve in staying GF.

Hope everyone is having a good GF day and building up the count. 1 day closer to 30 so roll on tomorrow and day 20.

Another GF day under the belt and feeling good today.

DAY 20 done, what else is there to say. One day at a time with nice sensible and achievable goals and we can all get there. Hope everyone is GF and doing well today, roll on tomorrow and another GF day.

You're making sure and steady progress, Dholla - 21 tomorrow!

(Oh to be 21 again!)

A long weekend coming up - and I sense you have built up plenty of GF resolve, always day by day. Have a good one!

All the best,

Mixer

Lol yeah tell me about it, long time since I was 21 my friend. Yeah day 21 today and I feel it will be another glorious GF day, however, lets get through the day first.

One day at a time buddy, one day at a time.

Always one day at a time, dholla1. Respect the non-gambling 'angel' on your shoulder every day, and you'll be rewarded ten-times over with a better non-gambling life. That's what I call a return!

This Bank Holiday is a mini-mountian to climb. But,, together, with gritted teeth and the strong personalities that we are fortunate to possess - we CAN. We always start TODAY. Here we go....!

Day 21 DONE and good.

Found myself having a little moment this afternoon. Sitting around, not much to do and that's when i've always struggled. Did I cave and gamble, hell no. I got my a**e in gear, got my kit on and went to the gym. Low and behold after throwing a bit of iron around that feeling magically disapeared. Think i'm starting to realise that gambling was almost a byproduct of my own lazyness, if I just get out and do things (don't have to involve money) then I can get over it or alot of the time, not even get that thought in my head in the first place.

So there's a lesson for everyone. It seems so simple and maybe it has just taken me a while to realise it but get yourself a hobby. If not a hobby then just a few things you enjoy doing and go do them, it's certainly working for me.

Hope today finds you all GF and ready for the Bank Hiliday weekend. Have a good one everyone.

Well we're getting there. Day 22 and other than my slight moment yesterday still no real issues. Finding it ok just staying away from it to be honest. Given that my issue was always with the online casinos I thought it would be alot harder as i'm spending alot of time on the computer at the moment but no, all good so far. Gonna put that down to sheer determination to crack it this time, been there and relapsed before and DID NOT enjoy the consequences. Not doing that to myself or anyone else again that's for sure.

Hope everyone is having a nice bank holiday weekend and doing things that you enjoy, away from gambling. There really is a whole other life out there guys, us addicts just need a bit of time to experience it I think, just so we know what we're missing.

A great post Dholla and you're exactly right - there's a whole new world out there when we look through GF eyes - it's easy to forget when we are caught up in the fog (more like smog) of gambling. Here's to the GF Sunday we are readying and preparing for, GF and living life as it should be lived.

Day 23 and i'm very very happy to report that it seems that my fiancee and I are moving towards fixing what I broke. Really looking forward to building a GF life with her, something that is very important to me.

That really was my highlight of today. 23 days done and finally starting to get my life back on track after my last relapse. Suffice to say I will not be letting that happen again.

Hope everyone is enjoying a crazy hot bank holiday weekend.

It would be really great if there were a like button we could press for some post's :)).

It takes time to make better something so precious but if the foundations are good then you can alway's rebuild !

Glad thing's are looking up for you Bud , don't mess it up :))