This could end badly

Ventured in to the chat last night, learnt what a few of the frequently used abbreviations mean. Also had an interesting thought which I shared but want to note it here so I can refer back to it
I re joined the gym and the same people who were there before are still going. I used to see these people every day and could see their progress as they could mine. I walked in a few days ago 20lbs heavier. I felt so embarrassed, I felt like these people were looking at me like d**n she got fat or she let her self go. I felt like I was doing a walk of shame. One girl actually asked where I'd been and I said how embarrassing.
Funny how I never felt that way walking back in the the bingo hall to sit at the slots time and time again I'd sit there with the same people losing again and again. Why didn't I feel embarrassed why didn't it feel like the walk of shame. The people who work there must think here she is again feeding the same machine

Heading in to day 6 I feel like that will never be me ever again

I know...That was me too (the bingo not the gym, never been to a gym often enough to know anyone), how embarrassing 🙁

I am also doing recovery my way, completely ready to use other tools @ my disposal if I start to falter. What's really encouraging is the way you are completely open to suggestions (some people are very resistant to posts suggesting that gambling doors be closed especially when they come from friends & family) & are taking everything on board.

It never has to be you again if you keep making the right choices - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT, and that nice of you to say.

I want to give myself a chance to succeed on my own but if I fail I will have no choice but to ask for help. I know it's not the same but I smoked for nearly 20 years and just stopped completely off my own back. No patches no pills just didn't want to do it anymore so I didnt

In a way it's good to know I'm not the only one. After reading a lot of the posts I was starting to wonder if I was the only one currently posting that had a problem with physical slot machines a lot of people use online slots but I have no interest, strange isn't it.

So I'm on Day 6 now and tomorrow at approximately 1900 I will be a week GF, first of many eh

Day 7 completed

Day 8
I have a busy day today which includes going nowhere near the bingo club.

I have noticed a few changes mentally, I no longer get anxious! I used to get anxiety all the time and worry about the most stupid things, not money but at work my friends and family. For example I would send a message and if I didn't get a reply id be worried about what I wrote hoping it was ok. It always was but I'd get this every time. Or if I did or didn't get something done at work I'd worry all night or all weekend then I'd check it when I go back in and it's totally fine. I'd worry about what people thought of me all the time.
I'd feel like this at least 4 or 5 times a day.
I know it hasn't been long but I haven't felt like that for 3 days, that is a big change for me. Long may it continue

Day 9 still no gambling 🙂

A-non wrote: Ventured in to the chat last night, learnt what a few of the frequently used abbreviations mean. Also had an interesting thought which I shared but want to note it here so I can refer back to it I re joined the gym and the same people who were there before are still going. I used to see these people every day and could see their progress as they could mine. I walked in a few days ago 20lbs heavier. I felt so embarrassed, I felt like these people were looking at me like d**n she got fat or she let her self go. I felt like I was doing a walk of shame. One girl actually asked where I'd been and I said how embarrassing. Funny how I never felt that way walking back in the the bingo hall to sit at the slots time and time again I'd sit there with the same people losing again and again. Why didn't I feel embarrassed why didn't it feel like the walk of shame. The people who work there must think here she is again feeding the same machine Heading in to day 6 I feel like that will never be me ever again

Well done A-non. See you in chat again soon?

Thanks Triangle,
Day 10 done. Double figures now

11 days clean now 🙂

Hey A-non

That's great! Nearly two weeks of freedom. Days will soon add up, time just flies in recovery and i assure you, you will feel a lot better in due course. We had so much time wasted on gambling (my vice was slots), we hardly know what to do with ourselves when the nasty habit is outta window ☺

Enjoy every day, it will provide you with more opportunities and challenges you will truly enjoy!

Well done

S x

Hi A-non

I just read through your diary and can relate to what you have been through.

I tried and tried to give up many times in the past but then allways buckled. Life got real bad and ended up in 20k+ debt in a short 2 month period because although I allways new the problem was there, I couldn't control it.

The only advice I would give is to surround yourself with people that know about your problem. If your partner doesn't know, tell him. I didn't like the sound of that either but in my experience, I was fed up of the lies and felt that if I couldn't be truthful to my partner, then what was the point in having a relationship full of lies. If he leaves then he wasn't right for you anyway. If he is not willing to stick by you and help when you need it the most then you are better off finding someone that will.

Sounds harsh but now is the time to make very important life decisions. This will ruin your life if you don't get on top of it now.

I know I sound very negative but trust me, it's a bloody horrible disease and every now and then you need someone to kick you up the a**e and make you realise what a great life you have without it revolving around gambling.

Do the right thing. Come clean and reap the benefits of a google honest life.

Feel free to read my diary. You will see how bad and how great life can be if you make the right choices.

Dan

Dan

Hello Hopeful Soul

Thanks, looking forward to racking up the days. I haven't had a pay day since I quit so will feel better once I have had one and still haven't gambled.

I've enrolled on a distance learning course sept - may so that will give me something positive to focus on.

Hello Dan

Thanks for the msg. This is my 1st attempt to quit gambling. I didn't gamble everyday and went 10 days previously but then had a big loss.
I understand what your saying and I'm pleased that you were able to share with your partner and that it worked out for you. I have read so many accounts of people losing their families.
I'm lucky enough not to have gotten myself in debt nor have I borrowed money or spent every penny I've had. I've always had money to pay my bills. I've not actually lied to anyone but I know not telling is nearly the same. I don't have any debt or lies to come clean about.
Having said that I had a talk with my husband on Sunday night and I ended up crying. I never told him I gambled £500 but I told him I have an issue with spending my money and asked him to help me save. We actually went through my earnings together and have set a plan where I can save 10k in just over a year. Now that I have set that target with him I know I will stick to it.

You are not harsh you are being honest and the thought of the damage gambling can do is terrifying
I will definitely take a read of your
diary

A-non

12 days, going well

One day at a time A-non. You will crack this. I can tell you have it in you. Just think of everything you will lose, other than money if you let this get the better of you!

Stay strong.

Dan

Thanks Dan
13 days 🙂