This is my time

Day - 40 who would have thought it. Anyway been busy busy walked the dog had parent evening at the nursery last night all good what a good little boy he is. Then went out for tea.

Bring on the next 40 days.

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc

40 DAYS Malc, that is superb, you are wracking them up now. Soon be the half century.

Stay strong.

So fed up today, it is days like this I would normally go and lose hundreds of pounds, thankfully all blocks are in place so there is no chance.

Erghhhh the joys of every day life.

Malc

Malc

Think about the feelings you would have if you lost hundreds of pounds.....that would far outweigh the fed up feeling.

Go have a walk, think about your boy and think about the feelings and opportunities being gamble free gives you.

Stay strong mate.

Did just that, went home took the dog out and walked and walked and walked 10km not to bad.

All thoughts disappeared.

Thanks again

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc

Nice work Malc. Goes to show again that the free things in life can be so positive towards recovery.

Day 40 became day 41, 9 days off the half century.

9 days off 50 woop, need to get the little man tonight from nursery and see what he has been up to at his nana's for the past two days. might even get out on our bikes again if the weather stays fine then the mighty Man Utd are on the tele again tonight watch that and see what happens.

Thanks again for your comments means alot

Hopefully you get your house sorted out soon, all the best

Malc

Day 45, after a busy weekend, feel strange today, getting my remortage sorted just an FYI I should be mortgage free and on easy street but I'am not because of gambling.

Weekend cooked good food j**k Chicken on Saturday, walked biked on Sunday cooked tea washed clean ironed bed and started all over again.

I watched some of the Cheltman festival on Friday and watched my boss going mental on placing bets he won but I saw him in the gambling "ZOMBIE" zone not good. Anyway horses were never my thing so had no effect on me.

15-Apr away on holiday for a week need a break from this place, only going to the cairngorms for a week but will be good with the little en and the doggie.

Anyway lets see what this week brings

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc

Well done Malc.

Amazing when you can see the gambling zombie we once were in others hey? Stay strong this week and you hit the big 50 mate.

Good luck.

Matt

So day ~46 woop who would have thought it, So yesterday got my mortgage offer in, I was crying reading it I have worked hard for the past 20 years every s**t hole all over the world, west africa Nigeria, Angola, Saudi, Libya, Algeria and yesterday it really hit home as to just how much gambling has f****d up my life.

I should be mortgage free and on easy street but I am not, my mortgage has increased from 10 years to 20 years payments are less but term is more not good. As I was driving home last night I said to myself I will never gamble again, this part of my life is now over, I have lost so much.

Stay Strong Stay G/f.

Malc

Day ~47 Woop only 3 days to go and hit 50 days nto to bad. If I ma being truly honest I feel there is something missing in my life, maybe the high excitment from winning - losing. I have been busy work home life things are getting sorted out, but there is still something missing, for "normal" people they have never had this feeling so they don't know what they are missing, but for addicts either gambling or drugs or drink we are always looking for that next high feeling of excitment "the buzz". Stupid I know and I know it not right I won't go back to anything stupid like before I suppose I just need to get used to the normal life. Even as I sit here in my boring office job and look out the window at the blue sky I think "man I am f*****g bored" can this really be it surely there has to be more to it.

I don't expect anyone to understand the above rant just thinking out loud never a good thing.

Right work to do better chap on.

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Remember we can't win becasue we can't stop.

Malc

Hi Malc

Firstly nice one getting the mortgage. What's done is done, yes you may and should have been on easy street but you are not. What I can promise you is each day that passes you are a day wealthier and you have a purpose to smash into that mortgage with your hard work now. Stay positive and pat yourself on the back for the 47 days gamble free!

The buzz is no such thing I am convinced. I think it is you are feeling a little down and need to go back to the level that most non gamblers get. If your feeling restless, get up have a wander for five minutes, go on you tube, whack your headphones on listen to a song that makes you feel good.

Also get the book The easy way to give up gambling by Allen Carr, it really explains a lot.

Thanks again Matt, you were right about the "buzz" just went and took my mum out to lunch only soup and a sandwich it was good, mum and dads tele has gone on the blink dad has you tubed it and thinks he can fix it, I would pay good money to see that happen he does not even know rightie tightie, leftie loosie, hopefully he will just go nad buy a new one save everyone a lot of pain.

Anyway been busy think the poor doggie will be getting her legs walked off her again tonight.

50 days here we come.

Malc

No one fixes tv's these days surely easier to replace ha ha!

Glad you got through the lull Malc.

Stay strong

So the day of utter realisation and total dispair,

At the start of this I was 90k in debt, not all due to gambling but mostly, about 20k in solicitor fees and court fees for my little boy.

Today I wrote a check for 42k one loan - paid 25k to a credit card - 6k back in to my business account. And I am still around 15k in debt on a credit card this I can handle by paying off about 1k - 1.5k per month.

The realisation of gambling at it worst effect. How did I let myself get into this situation - we were talking about gambling at work yesterday one of the girls said she adn her husband almost split up over gambling (he still gambles) I told them that I have self excluded myself from all bookies and casinos as I could not win because I could not stop.

What a morning how to spend 73k and have nothing to show for it truely unbelievable.

Anyway day 48 woop

Stay Strong Stay G/f

Malc