well first i will introduce myself.
i first logged on this week in the newbie section.
its been a hard week my partner found out how much ive been keeping to myself for years.
im 44 years old and ive got a gambling problem.
i've been gambling in some form or other since i was 18,
but i really started when i was off work ill for 3 months when i was 21,because of medical ground s i could not drink so i gambled instead,big mistake.
but to cut along story short i thought i'd got this under control,what a joke.
i thought i could gamble in moderation even though i knew years ago i had a problem,first it started with fruit machines,then when i was ill onto horses which i seem to have under control then onto roulette machine.
Its been bad for a year now.
but its come to an head now,for the last 3 months i've been taking money out of the accounts or any place i could get my hands on coin.
i ended up taking money out of the credit card to go to the casino then taking more out to see if i could win it back and ended up taking out a loan to pay back what i'd been taking behind her back and lying constantly to her thinking i could sort this out,well the obvious happened she seen a bank statement and the pyramid of cards just collapsed.
if that not bad enough she not well and got 2 major operations coming up,when she confronted me last sunday i blamed everyone except myself what a k--b i am.
i need to change or im in danger of losing everything.
my partner wants to know if we should separate because of everything i said when she found me out,as she said its all the lying and going behind her back that really hurts and especially with what she's going through i should be the one they for her not her for me.
i cant blame anyone for this except me i took the money,i gambled it and i lied to cover it all up.
i need help,i've been online for counselling and i am going to sort face to face counselling out tomorrow.
hopefully this isme waking up and trying to get my life on track.
Dear monkey147,
Welcome to our Forum!
You may use this space to share your thoughts and feelings and keep a record of your progress. It is good to see that you have recognised the problem and you have taken action already by organising counselling for yourself. So, well done for putting things in place for your recovery and I would like to wish you good luck! I wanted to remind you that you are welcome to use our Helpline and Netline if you need extra support and advice. Our lines are open from 8am until 12 midnight every day of the week.
Wishing all the best,
Ana
Well I spoke to my youngest son last night,
He feels so gulity that he's been asking me to take him to the bookies to take his football bet.
He wanting to know why I never said anything,looking back I don't know why, guilt, denial all of the above.
Can't believe what I've put my family through.
What's even worse was when I woke up this morning my first thoughts were of putting a bet on and not that my partner had a important hospital appointment this morning.
When I asked her if she wanted me to go with her,her reply was" why you don't care if you did you would not have done this" any way she relented and I'm actually in the waiting room with her.
Today is going to be a very long day.
Well I spoke to my youngest son last night,
He feels so gulity that he's been asking me to take him to the bookies to take his football bet.
He wanting to know why I never said anything,looking back I don't know why, guilt, denial all of the above.
Can't believe what I've put my family through.
What's even worse was when I woke up this morning my first thoughts were of putting a bet on and not that my partner had a important hospital appointment this morning.
When I asked her if she wanted me to go with her,her reply was" why you don't care if you did you would not have done this" any way she relented and I'm actually in the waiting room with her.
Today is going to be a very long day.
Monkey
Fella apart from a few years difference in our age, compulsive gambling has had the same destructive affect upon those we hold dear to us, as the admin said, well done for finding the courage to address your addiction.
This addiction knows no boundries as t owhat it turns us into, the fact that our families suffer is testiment to how powerfull the compulsion to gamble is.
My advice be 100% honest with your missus, yes it will be hard, f*****g hard, at times you will want to run.
Addiction will call you, beckon you to return, the fact you thought about it this morning does not make you a bad person, fella it just confirms to me that you are an addict.
I share my journey with my wife and kids, they all understand a great deal about my addiction and all help to work towards a brighter future. Truth is this recovery journey is just as important to them too, they have suffered a great deal through my actions and have as much right to recovery as I do.
The other piece of advice I know got me through the first days of my journey and still help today is there is a triangle
Time-Money-Location
take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible, gifting your brain valuable time, underneath the addiction there is a man with a heart, addiction kills it's rythmn.
Be there for your missus today, i hope it all goes well, you cannot change the past but you have the opportunity to change the future
One day at a time.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
thanks for the wise words,
well today has so far gone well.
i got some funny looks washing my car in the rain but hey its passed an hour.
but my partner has been with me all day except when i took my mother shopping and i have told her about me and she told me i need to get it sorted as last time it nearly destroyed me.
the good thing is ive not been any way near a bookies today, and tonight im going to the rugby with my son so hopefully that will be a day without betting.
well lasted all day without betting 1-0 to me,
todays saturday as with everyone this is going to one hell of a day to get through.
yesterday went well filled it with jobs around the house.
the missus has just told me as she went to work that she wants to sit down and talk when she gets back,knew that was coming.
well got to occupy myself till leeds on box this afternoon then my local rugby club got a match so thats me upto 5 oclock then the sit down talk with the missus.
thanks monkey
Monkey
Fella that conversation is something I remember like it was yesterday. It will be uncomfortable but it is an opportunity to be honest, don't hide anything that will box you in a corner and leave you open to addiction making you believe that gambling is the answer.
Today I believe you can build a solid foundation to stand on and build on.
I see recovery like building a brick wall, each day we abstain we lay another brick between us and addiction. Yes it will always lurk on the other side of the wall, as there is no cure.
But be proud fella today you hold the next brick.
Maybe give addiction a quick bump on the head as you lay it!! Something I enjoy !!
Keep making the right choice.
Be kind to yourself.
Duncs stepping forward never back
dunc yeah i know as the saying goes im putting all my cards face up.
hopefully she will support me.
on a better note my eldest son just called in and told me he starts a new job monday.
maybe this is a sign a new beginning for everyone
one good thing is ive got the papers today and not even looked at the racing which hopefully will last all day,
one day at a a time.
thanks
monkey
well so far so good not had a bet today,
but just had a call of one of my mates do i want to go racing next week,i told him no going away,so got to look after the pennies. but he also said got stag do weekend in newcastle 6th april racing in afternoon out in town at night,don't know what to do about that will 7 weeks time.
hi monkey
Just wanted to drop you a line to say well done for not gambling today- I too have a lot of friends who go racing regularly and I have been asked several times- I told them I couldnt go because I had stopped gambling completely. Yes it was a little embarrassing to begin with but once I explained my situation they were all quite proud of me. You dont have to do this but dont put yourself in a position where you may gamble again as this could send you back to square one! Avoid it if you can with any excuse as it really isnt worth it.
Best wishes and keep posting
Linda
well done monkey,
I have stopped gambling for 58 days today, I no longer want to think about gambling anymore,ive lost thousands of pounds gambling but the hardest thing I have lost was my ex boyfriend.its not all about the money what u loose. ive given my bank book to my mum to look after though and ive opened up a bond so I cant touch the money for a year.
well had the talk with the missus,
she taking control of the money.
she cant trust me with anything at the moment that is a long road that i have to start walking ,don't know how long that will take,
but with what she going through herself i feel so bad putting her through this.
i cant slip up again or thats it.
as for the stag do she suggested i speak to lads and explain I'll go to newcastle on a later train and meet up with for the night out.
Spoke to my youngest son and explained that i cant take him to put his footie bet on no more.
Tomorrows another bad day out playing a pool match and usually the lads all put bets on the footie matches on the box.
thats not going to happen for me.
roll on tomorrow
Monkey.
Fella well done for having the talk. I had the same and it helped me hugely. I talked honestly with my friends and to be honest it didn't come as a surprise to them, the support was and still is amazing. Yes a bit of ribbing but all in good humour and it has developed into another useful block.
Regarding trust, we earn that back, I get receipts for every penny I spend and to be honest it has made me much more prudent with my hard earnt.
The honourable Smiler said to me early in my journey that I should be kind to myself.
This is something amazing you are doing
Enjoy it. You gave yourself a 100% payrise.
You did win because you did stop.
Continue doing so one day at a time.
Duncs stepping forward never back
Monkey
Fella thanks for the kind words on my thread, they tell me the good advice which was gifted to me really does work.
Something on this journey you may choose to pass on to others
As your journey grows.
Enjoy the pool today, a game I always thought looked easy but was proved wrong countless times!!
Duncs stepping forward never back.
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