Hi all,
This isn't my first spell of using these forums, I was on here towards the end of last year and things were going better. Obviously the fact that I'm here again means that I haven't made a lot of progress. But my longest spell of abstinence coincided with the time I was quite active on here and I doubt that is any coincidence.
I'll spare everyone the long story, but basically I have been gambling compulsively for the last 18 months or so and things have been going steadily down hill since then. Yesterday I lost £100, not a lot I guess but its how I felt afterwards thats the problem. I have gone behind my girlfriends back again and I have a lot of feelings of self-loathing and guilt.
In a weird way I still feel like I have made some progress this month. Although I have had 2 relapses, this is the first month where I have'nt taken out any new debts in a long time, and have actually managed to pay off a couple of payday loans.
Over the last month I have lost about £300, is it wrong that I see that as some kind of progress? The last few months prior I have been losing the majority of my wages within days of being paid. But a relapse is a relapse, and more than anything its a set back to my mental health and my relationship.
Just trying to stay positive. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel but still get totally obsessed with gambling thoughts sometimes. I had a huge urge on Saturday and managed to resist it but unfortunately wasn't so succesful yesterday. Gonna keep on here as much as I can as I know how helpful it can be.
Will
Welcome back to the Forum Will,
I hope posting in this space can help you stay focused on your recovery. It can be a long journey and it may feel at times that you move very slowly or you are even going backwards. What’s important is to use such times and learn something new about the problem in order to move forward.
If you abstained from gambling last time you were using this Forum, it only tells you that you need ongoing support and not to be thinking that you don’t need it when you feel stronger. You will always be vulnerable around gambling and you need to have a system in place that would help you stay strong and resilient. Being positive helps but it’s not enough to overcome problem gambling. It sounds like you manage to minimise the size of your losses sometimes but as long as you gamble you feed the problem and you are not solving it.
I suggest that you get in touch with us and speak to an adviser about getting support and strengthening your strategy. Our lines are open from 8am until 12 midnight, 7 days a week.
Best wishes,
Forum Admin
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