Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Your be alight Wilsy Ive quit smoking since 1st of Jan you can do this! Gamblings the big one. I hope our friend will see the light soon. DN. OOOOOOO

DAY 64,

No urges, money is tight, I am tired, it is raining, that's about all there is to honestly report.

One day at a time, stepping forward and never back.

DAY 65

All is good just feeling the pinch already financially, long month ahead.

DAY 68

having to tell friends to stop messaging me about gambling, it's constant, so and so lost this amount etc etc, I really don't give a monkies. I don't give gambling a moments thought until num nuts sends me messages about it so I have to do what is best for me and talk to them less until they can find another subject to talk about.

All is calm apart from that.

I know how that feels wilsy,it's not nice and when you see it or hear about their bets it reminds you of how foolish you've been,but if any of my friends talk to me about I tell them and I have told most of them now that I'm no longer a gambler and wish to remain that way and they have talked about it less in front of me so maybe if you havnt already told them it might be worth telling them about it..if you have told them already then they're not being very sensitive to your problem in which case I'd tell them directly to stop f*****g talking about betting in front of me you moron ha.

Thanks SEL87 I've told the one person numerous times but they keep carrying on so I've blocked them from Whatsapp, if they want to call me about non-gambling related stuff they can do otherwise they need to get a life, especially as they are supposed to be quitting as well. Too many gamblers want me to fail it seems.

Excellent work wilsy! thanks for your post. Taking it day by day, keep up the good work as i shall try to too.

DAY 69

Thanks Deano for your support.

Feeling flat today, got a puncture yesterday and have a cracked alloy, have two mouse's in my place so need to catch those swines, a humane trap is the only way, I don't want blood on my hands and money is near enough out, 3 weeks away from being paid. I'm tired and Crystal Palace lost to Brighton. No gambling urges whatsoever but am tired and a grumpy b*m today, still could be worse I could be losing £300 a month on gambling!

Stepping forward and never back!

Hey Wilsy,

Well done for staying strong, I want to severly apologise for my 'updates' having a hard time with personal issues. Hope your well.

DAY 70

Daley thanks for your support and no worries lad, hope things sort themselves out for you and try get some peace of mind.

Really pleased with myself for continuing to do so well at abstaining even though money is tight and debts are still building up due to cars, pets and bills. All I can do is keep focused and battle my way through to the end of January. Things will get easier all the time I don't lose money through gambling.

DAY 71,

Tired, lathargic, skint but resilient, each day that passes by is a day closer to payday then i can pay my bills, chip away at a little more debt and stock my food cupboards. These next 20 days won't be much fun like for many this time of year that have stretched themselves but I have a home, I have family, they don't see me go without food, I'm sleeping better, I'm calmer, I'm more at peace with myself. Just for another day I decide to not choose gambling as a route of escape, I choose to start living a life I have never experienced before away from destruction and Dispair.

My name is wilsy and i am a compulsive gambler, I can never win because I can never stop!

DAY 72

No urges

The last few days have been difficult, I have felt in a low mood and I believe it's because it's January, I don't want to work, I am tired, I am skint, I am lonely and because I worry about the future. As long as I keep telling myself that what I am doing now is going to contribute towards me having a brighter future, then in time I will be much happier.

Looking forward to getting this day over with. I have a week's worth of washing up to do as I can barely life a finger when I am feeling depressed then I can relax and look forward to going to the football tomorrow with my best mate. Maybe I need a career change maybe I need a fresh challenge to get the motivation back but I'm lacking confidence to look.

Just for another day I choose to live instead of gambling

Day 74 gambling urges are non existent. I have zero desire to gamble ever again. I've caused too much suffering to myself to even consider taking that risk and I deserve so much more. When a person gamblers their inner soul gets devoured by it like a disease through love and rock bottoms I know it has no part in my life. I am more myself again without it, I've always put people first and cared for everyone I can just see rationally now and it's allowing me to be that fun and lovely person I once was. I've made mistakes in the relationships who hasn't but gambling has contributed to me losing special people in my life that I loved and love very much. Lucky I've a very strong friends network who know my troubles who have always supported me and without them I'd be six ft under. Just for another day I will refrain from what takes and takes and is unforgiving that killer is called gambling.

DAY 75

How am I feeling today, well no urges to do you know what. I have realised however I haven't supported others as much recently so over my lunch break I'm going to have a read and catch up on some people I know and new entries and offer them my support.

Had a great Saturday, Sunday wasn't as good as I spent it in isolation. I'm content with how I am dealing with my addiction/illness and I feel very strong but I am getting impatient. Yesterday I went through periods of high anxiety and low moods simply because I want things to improve financially, quicker than they actually are. I appreciate I am on the right road it's just hard knowing that I cannot really do anything or go anywhere, not that I really want to. I'd like company but at the same time I don't want company, I'm sure many of you can relate to that.

January is a rotten month, weather is S***e, people are skint it's just difficult not spending those boring days or evenings in the company of a loved one, loneliness is hard for many, at least I am at work today surrounded by people.

Plan is to get through this month, get paid and take things from there.

Just for another day I have absolutely no interest in spinning 'The Devils' wheel or participating in any of his soul destroying games. I deserve a brighter future whereas I can treat myself, give to others and have a normal life.

Hi Wilsy,

Thanks for the comment on my diary.
We both know the rollercoaster of life and you're so right, patience is really important here.
Not giving in to addiction ultimately opens new opportunities. Maybe not straight away but with fog slowly lifting, we see them all in different light.

You have had good runs of GF...same with me. Remember how it all changed with time? How the soul brightened up & zest for life was growing daily?

Yes...we can most definitely go back to the calmer place but only if keep making the right choices and look after ourselves.

Thank you for your message again, I know you understand what I am saying.

Here is for another day GF!

Stay safe & strong! & Of course January will move into February/March where life will start waking up from winter sleep in all different colours ☺..i do like Spring!

S&B xx