Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Hi S&B

it is always a pleasure to comment and help when I can.

Humans are impatient creatures and we do all remember the times when we had money in our pockets to be able to choose what we can do and where to go, who to do things with. You are right, now that the fog has lifted for us both we can see what we want and where we want to get to, just want it to hurry up!

Yes I've had good runs as have you and we will continue to fight this. I do remember how abstainance changes me, I become the person people love to be around and see, I laugh and smile again and the soul and zest for life returns.

Making the right choices is paramount and looking after ourselves is important even though that is another hurdle for me but I'll no longer beat myself up for being human and making mistakes and wanting to look after and care for people.

I love the Spring and Summer and I've plans 🙂

Wilsy xx

Copied and pasted! * 😉

Thanks Wilsy,

The thing is I don't know where to go. That's what frustrates me the most.
I kind of lost interest in life. I set myself a goal last year - achieved it and now just back to feeling bahhh.
I would like to help people, have a purpose. ..reality is I struggle to even post on my diary recently, let alone someone else. Feel bad about it.

But again - time is probably needed. It can get better and it will if keep making the right choices.

Cannot give in to misery. There is no place for self abuse. Human nation is here for the purpose, help each other to find their own potential...

We move on, we learn on the way, we find what is missing. Just need to keep looking ☺

Thanks again, I think I will take a page put of your book and will go round some diaries!

Take care!

Xx

I know I am exactly the same, I don't know where to go or what is going to happen in the future, I am petrified. All I know is I want to do right, by myself, pay debts, make family proud and eventually feel sort of normal, which I have never experienced apart from for over a year back in my thirties and it was amazing!

I have lost interest for life as well, I no longer set myself goals as I disappointed myself whenever I missed them, maybe take that pressure off yourself? Well done on hitting your goal last yead though. Do you think you suffer with a lack of confidence, low self esteem, depression, anxiety? I Suffer with all of the mentioned, it's very hard.

I can relate to not finding the energy to post, i've struggled to find the energy to wash up all week, it's so difficult, just hang in there are we know we have at least one good day in 7! lol

Yes it is about time and not being hard on ourselves, don't listen to anyone who doesn't understand, just talk to those that do and those that go through low moods etc

Each day that goes by things improve, just keep up your good work

Wilsy xx

Copied & pasted - progress not perfection! :-))

Heh heh Wilsy!

All opinions are appreciated and I like to hear other points of view, but I don't really have an issue here because I have no one to talk to lol

Yes, I have depression and anxiety and low self esteem. It is definitely not easy, esp when I feel powerless to change it. But again, nothing has to stay the same huh, that's why we are here, looking for that way out...with support...with help & Of course understanding ear.

I see you're being productive with work today heh...hope knowing that you help others is rewarding you with good chemicals in your brain!

Getting out of comfort zone as we do now (leaving our own diary to visit others even if with copying & pasting 😉 ) is most definitely a progress!
Keep it up!

Xx

Should be productive but can't be arsed, just looking over my shoulder so I don't get caught which has happened before! lol

Yes helping others by lending support makes my day as I'm sure it gives them a lift as well to read that someone gives a s**t.

Take care of yourself x

I reckon it's nearly home time! 🙂
Hope you have had a good day at work! Keep good work & fight up!

https://youtu.be/JoP0Z3a8glU

Ps. Hope you get my sense of humour :-)))

Haha Love the link, Yabba dabba doooooooooooo!! 🙂

Good of you to think of others wilsy. One good turn deserves another so here's a post saying I hope your January blues are short lived.
Why wail till the sunshine of spring when a smile, or a kind gesture can fill you with warmth.
Sending you a cyber hug to cheer you and warm you through.
Ps get those pots done haha! x

DAY 76

little Miss Lost, thank you for your cyber hug it felt warm and put a huge smile on my face. As it is a New year it gives people the chance to start again. I've always put others first anyone would tell you that but at times when I was actively gambling I would become selfish or lose sight of what really matters, and what matters to me more than anything in the world, is my family and my partner (when I have one). Posting and helping others is a good deed but at the same time others need support and help just as much as I do. Today someone very special and close to my heart is deep in my thoughts as they have been every day since I saw her to be honest. I know she and everyone has their own troubles and battles and I know she knows I support her and am proud of her.

Today is another day, be grateful for the air we breathe, I will earn my daily crust either productively or by winging it as I become tired but I'll know I am still standing. I have pulled myself from the dark shadows of gambling, despair and depression and I will congratulate myself because I could have given up, I could have taken my own life but I hung in there and I am slowly getting my life back together again. I have to have a motivation to do this and I know what that is and I'll keep that private. Still many lonely, cold, dark nights ahead but Spring and Summer are around the corner and I am hopeful of being very happy again soon.

Just for another day I decide to be kind to myself and kind to others. I have no enemies, I have many, many good friends and this is a testament to myself, I have for the whole of my life loved and cared for others more than myself and I will never change that, it's how I have been raised, to love and look after others. x

DAY 77

there haven't been any urges to wager since the first day I stopped or certainly the first week, I have no interest whatsoever.

What I'd like to get of my chest today are a few things involving patience, anxiety and paranoia.

Patience - I can be a very patient person but over the years I have probably become less so. I have to be told nowadays it takes time and that I have to be patient when I don't want to wait, I want everything to be okay now or I want changes for the better to happen now. I am not alone, many of us are impatient to have back the lifes that we used to have, sadly it does take time and healing and each day I wake up I need to remind myself that.

Anxiety and Paranoia - these two sit hand in hand somewhat. Anxiety never used to be a problem for me, I used to always be quite a laid back happy soul, nice and relaxed but nowadays I feel more and more anxious. What I have been through for example the emotional breakdowns I have had have left me feeling anxious and in some cases paranoid. If I don't hear from someone for example, my brain instantly sends me into a state of anxiety where the thoughts riffle off and I start thinking, what is wrong, are they in trouble, have I said something wrong to them, are they ignoring me, it's horrible. I blame phones and social media. I am lonely right now whilst trying to remain patient for my life to improve, so I rely on messaging friends and if someone reads my message or doesn't reply or get back to me withing a certain time, I become really anxious. I have decided to leave my phone at home today and I will try and avoid facebook and contacting anyone. Over the next few days I want peace and quiet. I don't want my phone 'pinging' everytime a message comes through, I won't rely on anyone to talk to me or keep me company in the evenings, I will instead work, go home and watch a film or something, try to relax my brain and shut myself off from the outside world.

The finest quality I have is I care and love people so much, I've never loved myself, I don't know how to but I've got bundles of love and support to give the right person. I think because I am made this way and because I have a big heart and because I care about those I love, it leaves me being vunerable to anxiety attacks, being paranoid and restless with my own thoughts. Anxiety makes me pressure and push others and I don't like being that way, it's sometimes uncontrollable. It's about finding peace and quiet until things improve, and most importantly patience.

I'm relieved that gambling is further away from my thoughts than it has even been and it has no part in my life anymore, I've just got to learn patience and wait for the good times to happen.

We are all worth so much more and we will all continue to strive to make our lives better given time.

DAY 78

was really windy last night and woke up several times so feel shattered.

Mood today is so so, I feel okay just don't want to do an awful lot. No gambling urges, like I've mentioned before I am done with it, I don't intend to do it ever again.

The weekend can't come fast enough, I will go see my parents after I've tried to do some housework.

I haven't anything else to talk about today.

Hi W

Well done on your journey so far! I'm a day behind you with getting my common sense back! Better late than never as they say ☺

It was horrible last night and I lost a fence! My Dad (bless him) found it funny when I told him it has flew away to the field! Bonus - my lil girl got extra space to run around as it is closed up area!
It's playing on my mind as I need to sort it tho..i tried "Bob the builder" approach to support it already but obvs not successfully!

Boo...

Anyway...fences huh..as long as we keep roof over our heads, paying jobs, food and peace of mind...we can keep moving on one step at a time.

Hope sleeps are better tonight! Tk care

S&B xx

Day 79
Thanks s&b, will message you later.
Well I'm not going in today I've either got flu or some horrible germ and to add to that I've been hit by a sledge hammer. I've been quite happy this week but today I'm just thinking what's the point and how harsh life is. I've no intention to gamble again but right now I feel very low. Just going to stay in bed today and wait to feel better.

Day 80

Up and just about moving after having a weird flu like bug, legs and were aching and shivering. Got to get out of this place today as it's freezing in here so going round my mums!
Today will be the second day of not smoking so going to try give that a go and put 24 quid a week away in my superman money box haha

Hi Wilsy,

Thanks for the supportive post on my diary it is much appreciated! Huge well done on getting to 80 days, that is tremendous! Must feel good to be so many days without a bet. I've never been a smoker but can't imagine tackling two addictions at once so full credit to ya and good luck! Make sure you treat yourself with the money you save!

James