Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Day 81
Thanks James failed on the smoking maybe you are right one problem is enough, will try again at end of this packet. Appreciate your support.
I have nothing much to say today

Your quit when your ready wilsy. I quit since new years. Your quit when your ready. One stress at a time mate. Keep up the good work nearly 100 days buddy 😉

DAY 82

the weekend was a write off, had the same as what I had at Christmas. Swollen glands, fever, aches, head cold, migraines and then last night nose bleeds, fed up with it now, lucky I stayed with mum so she looked after me and kept me fed. Back at work today, didn't sleep well with tissue up both nostrils!

Not getting any urges, haven't had any in a long, long time.

For another day I will earn my crust and go home and relax

Hi Wilsy, Thanks for the encourageing post on my diary...... well done on 82 days gamble free great going your doing so well, glad to hear your not getting any urges but always keep your guard up as they can just appear out of nowhere... hope your feeling better soon as being ill is never nice ... all the best.

Thanks Chartom, will always remain on guard and so far so good

Thanks for your post on my diary Wilsy and well done on the 82 days 🙂 not far off the 100 day mark now keep all those barriers in place lots of love Shorty xx

Thanks shorty

Great guy wilsy keep it up buddy

Hi Andrew . I really appreciate you posting on my diary . You invested time in me and I really appreciate it so in return I have invested time in you and read every entry on your diary . We are very similar ages (in 43) and we have been doing this rubbish for years it’s all we have known in our adult life . Being a Crystal Palace fan I thought you would have suffered enough but obviously you had a higher pain threshold ! I’m so proud of you that you have decided to stop . It must be difficult for you especially taking medication and not having a live in support network . What you have achieved is brilliant . With the smoking perhaps go to roll ups , would make your money stretch further although you are looking to quit anyway . Keep positive , keep the faith and myself and others here need you to be focussed so that you can help us all with your support and advice . You are not alone . Best regards , Bryan

Day 83

Morning Bryan,

i will copy and paste my response to you and will follow your progress moving forward where I can. Yes I am 42, I have been caught up in this b******t for too many years, as long as I can rememember. My setbacks come when life just becomes a little unbearable or when I can't cope or deal with the loss of a loved one even a pet. There is like no coping skills and I have turned to gambling to hide away from the reality which is life, then I do awful damage to myself. My problems run deep but I've never stopped trying to stop. When I fall in love for example and have a chance of a brighter future and feel special or loved back then I can abstain for good periods. I've had all sorts of counselling, I am on medication again but I'll never give up!

Loneliness has often been a killer and it is difficult to deal with now while I make the right decisions but it won't always be like this.

I'm proud of you too Bryan. I am feeling very, very low today and am very hurt so I might have a few quiet days to myself before i get back into the swing of things and try and support others.

I see you as a friend now as you invested time in reading my diary and sending me support of which I am internally grateful. None of us are alone, we shouldn't be judged or painted 'black' with a brush, marked as damaged or not worthwhile knowing, we are just fighting our own battles and everyone understands eachother on here.

Cheers Bryan.

Hi again . Thanks for your reply I hope you can combat your current mindset . I would say that every gambler is depressed but haven’t had it clinically diagnosed or been brave enough to have that conversation with themselves or a GP. I find everyone here friends as they offer support that they don’t have to including yourself . Focus on the positives as you move forward . Will stand with you and support you all of the way

Thanks Vulture. Parents believe I have suffered all my life with low self esteem and depression, there have been too many signs of it, all I can remember is having a number of breakdowns and it slowly taking me over. I then got involved with a group of gamblers and developed a problem which I always turned to whenever I was feeling depressed, upset or angry. Depression and gambling has often sat 'hand in hand' together, I just seeked love and support to help me believe I did have still a bright future ahead of me. I will refocus my mindset very soon

The human mind is a very complex thing . I do sympathise with you suffering depression and other issues . I am guessing you have sought proper counselling on this ?

Yeah I have buddy, just part of my make-up, just got to live with it, anti's do take the edge off, will remain on them for the rest of my life. Heart's get shattered, something which is very hard to recover from.

Wilsy