Waiting for withdrawal madness

So an hour has passed since the 5k loss.

To try and put things in persepective.

3 years ago in July I lost every single penny to my name plus debt onto credit cards. Was around a 15k loss. Days later I was getting emails saying there wasnt enough money in my account to pay for things. I nearly drank myself to death and was hospitialised beecause i couldnt handle it all. I was gamble free and drink free for almost 2 years. Recently gambling has taken over me again and in the past month i organised to go to GA meetings but havent been yet, got blocking software for my phone (which i missed out the unable to load new apps feature). and i have an online ocuncillor for my issues.

Now tonight i blow 5k.What a difference that could of made to my life buts it gone now so i can only try and not constantly keep thinking about it.

So where do i go from here?

I have self excluded from the site i lost on and signed up to GAMSTOP

i havent seriously ruined my finances this time but ineed to make the changes to stop this form ever happening again.

MARK

Hi Mark, I really feel for you because I understand exactly what you are going through right now as I have been there many times...and as recently as 3 days ago myself. Something has to change or as experience has shown us...we will go back and back for more and each time its a bigger hole we dig. I have spent today trying to find the positives in gambling! Sounds a stupid thing as you would say there are absoutely none. But there are good things that I can take from this addiction. The first is resilance. If nothing else, I have truely learned resiliance through this addiction cyccle. And you have learned that skill too. So now is the time to use it. Get back on that horse again. You have been there before, in an even worst situation , and managed to get yourself out. So you can do it again. But this time you also need to change so that it never happens again. The 2nd positive feeling I managed to focus on today...was that this is as bad as it gets. No matter how aweful you feel today, know that you will never feel like this again, because you will make those changes so that you never have to go though this cycle again. Make those changes, and today is as bad as it gets, the worst is over now. And the other positive thing I am focusing on, is that through all this heart ache, I have learned a great deal of empathy and understanding. That is a great thing, to be able to understand the level of pain, being able to recognise the signs in others and do something for someone else to help. I would never have this ability if I hadnt suffered it myself. Change in yourself is what matters, otherwise the cycle will continue. I have gone to bed each of the last 3 nights, listening to some hynotic stop gambling addiction thing I found on you tube. Im not sure what it does, but knowing I am activly trying to do everything I can to help myslef...it really has helped my state of mind knowing I am taking action. I wish you the best...its a horrible journey, but you are on the mend now...it wont ever get worse if you make the changes.

Thanks so much for the comment Valdab, i had to read it a good few times to take it all in. I hope you continue on your positive journey and escape the slavery of this bloody addiction. A hidden addiction, trying to act normal to people and deep down inside your anxiety is thru the roof after blowing so much money.

But i have learned alot about myself tonight and what happened. And I am gonna try not too dwell on it, although I know this will eat away at me for a good while.

The positives are this for me moving forward..

1-If i hadnt been using this site I would never of learned about GAMSTOP which I now have in place

2- From my past mistakes i have blocking software( this casino app sneaked thru like I said) but earlier in the day i had already set my maximum deposit per month to zero, because the plan was always once that money was withdrawn to put all the barriers in place to prevent online gambling. But I didnt get the money out, but had no way to chase the money i lost which if history had repeated iytself i would of lost everything

3-Tonight reinforces the fact that I require help, and thru this site, attending GA meetings and continuing my online sessions with a councillor i will beat this.

4-And if 5 thousand pounds isnt enough to trigger COLLECT in my brain, then why was i ever playing this in the first place. I know everybodys "massive" is different due to different circumstances etc but £5000 is a massive, collosal amount of money to me, and if I'm so messed up by gambling that i dont even think about collecting. then what is the point! Zero point.End result ends the same. Zero

5- So yeah i have came back in the past from hospital, off work and skint, this time is sore to take, but not drastic damage done, but enough damage done to force me to change my ways, so in the near future i hopefully look back at last night as a blessing

i cant wait for the messed up head to pass- all these crazy thoughts.

Try and find a new site to play on (Really??, after the emotional wreck you was earlier and still are to a certain degree)

If only you'd had stopped. ha what a joke when do you ever stop

What could i of done with the money. The moneys gone, yes its sore but the feeling will pass soon hopefully.

I really need to get my head into something and soon to gey thoughts away from this

Troubledgambler wrote:

i cant wait for the messed up head to pass- all these crazy thoughts.

Try and find a new site to play on (Really??, after the emotional wreck you was earlier and still are to a certain degree)

If only you'd had stopped. ha what a joke when do you ever stop

What could i of done with the money. The moneys gone, yes its sore but the feeling will pass soon hopefully.

I really need to get my head into something and soon to gey thoughts away from this

You keep mentioning that you lost 5k. While in actual fact you are £1150 worse off than before your relapse.
Still not nice, but a lot less than 5k.
GAMSTOP should be a great help to you and that is something you never had before your relapse, so another positive there.
Best of luck in your recovery.

I know what you mean . I lost 800 on Sunday. It hasn't put me in debt but the fact it's not sitting in my bank anymore makes me feel sick. A bookies that has no right to it has now got my money and it's all my fault .

take care everyone and wish you all the best o your own journeys

Cuppat and wittle thanks for sharing.yes your right the actual damage was 1150, but it was very difficult to stop thinking about the total at the time when I just let the big total slip thru my fingers in minutes, it’s a horrible feeling, one I never want to fee again. So I’m up ready to start another shift, trying to stay positive and and think it will be beneficial in the long run, how much money will that Loss save me in the future- a whole lifetime of lost bets hopefully.

So almost 24 hours has passed since my meltdown.

Whats happened since then.

1-I have explained the situation to my girlfriend and talked thru things.

2- i reached out to my contact at Gamblers Anonymous who was supportive and discussed further prevention methods.

3- I have sent a 31page document (work book) called relapse prevention which i will work thru over next couple days.

4-Just watched the Gambling Addiction Real Hustle video on youtube. Very interesting show.

What stood out I suppose was the difference between a addicted brain and non addicted when shown on the MRI scanner thing.The near miss shows higher levels of brain activation than the win. So yeah winning feels good but reality is its the spinning of the wheel or the slots that keeps you in the zone and the near miss gives you a high that keeps you going back and back for more even when your balance is dwindling away to nothing.does the makers of these FOBT's know this, sure they do, keep the roulette ball falling into the number 1 away from your number to keep triggering the brain.

But anyway- thats 22 hours now on my new journey, have received support everywhere I have turned so lets do this- and heres to a GF future

Hour 32GF

If you can learn from the worst times in your life, you’ll be ready for the best times in your life

50 hours gamble free

- its been a struggle, urges are nowhere near unbearable but the thoughts are still contantly there.

- Blocks are in place and my guard is up.

- Looked thru my online banking for past 2 months.What I saw was a complete shock. The last 2 months were nearly identical.

Money in and out almost exactly the same for both months, which means i didnt add to my existing debt, but the shocking thing was money into my account was 6 x monthly salary for both months. which means i paid back onto my card 5 x my monthly salary two months in a row, Money withrawn from bookies FOBT's and online casinos. Which also means i gambled (deposited) 5 x my monthly salary also because in and out was the same. I dont have that kind of money, most ive ever had has been 2 months salary at one time, I see it as one helluva lucky escape to have managed to get out before more compounding damage was done.

Stray strong.................Mistakes are meant for lesrning not repeating

wrote:

condolences to you ! i think you need a trustest host, ask your friend, ask anybody in this forum (and other forums) for the app you will be get to your fone before. And the first, dont bet as a lot of money, just play with small and important : you shuold be think that is amuse, just only this. Dont dream about the featuer with many money from casino app if you're not a profesional. I told you a website - a Singapore plaform that i have to play at a long time ago (the website submit in 2017 but the platform seen 2001). I betting sports, play casino game but with small budget and win small but i have coffee, have phone...:D. you know the website : just play but amuse !

What in God’s earth are you talking about

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70 hours GF

So i looked at the title, waiting for withdrawal madness.Sure it was madness.

But had time to think back and wonder how much did a few quid up or down actually cost in the end- its ridiculous actually.

Moslty I'm gonna speak about bookies FOBTs here but ive did it online too.

Say for example I'm standing there and I'm at £496. I'll stop playing high value spin and put £4 on red, "£500 is a good round number to collect" But its black , so put £8 on red, black again, £16 on red, BLACK, Oh well fingers back presisng load sof random numbers quickly again back to £50 a spin, then..............ALL GONE.

Same as being at say £717. I'll just play the 17 quid, but the ball will land right next to your best number and the brain says have another go......................Guess what ALL GONE.

Its weird looking back thinking wow what a hold of me this addiction HAD- well still has but doing my best to stay clear. The brain just wanted that extra minutes of a high, so you tell yourself youll just play the change and ends up total balance wipe out.One more click one mre click one more click, the companies have got us right where they want us, a little teaser then reel you in.

Anyway thats enough rambling- Stay strong and GambleFree

Mark