I started gambling 17 years ago. started one night kids where in bed and all I was doing was thinking about what bad stuff had happened in the past and was going on in my life... I found a link signed up and started to play. Within a few weeks a was playing more and more that lead to years and found myself just escaping my harsh realities. 8 years ago I found it had taken over my life, most time while I wasn't playing I was thinking about playing I was hardly sleeping, it was affecting my relationships. So many times I thought this has to stop ? where does it stop? And realised it doesn't.. not until I make it stop. Then I felt panicked about it ever stopping and it got worse (even when I thought it couldn't ) I hit despair so many times, I sought support and quite often they say... Find things you enjoy doing. In reality there was Nothing (or so I thought) I'm now 35 there was one day a couple of weeks ago I was in despair I couldn't play I couldn't fund to play I'd borrowed so much money I couldn't ask anyone. I found myself looking Reiki and meditation (I had no interest in these) I became curious but then carried on playing.... after gambling one day I had a few £'s in the bank and rather than spending it back online gambling for the first time ever I spent it on an online learning course, I started doing little bits of meditating here and there. Last week on the 16/06/2023 for the first time in 17 years something came over me I felt adrenaline and I did something I've never been able to do! I went onto the 24/7 gamcare and if they could QUICKLY help me put gamblock in place (which they did) I have never felt more empowered in my life as I did when I it that button! I felt amazing and accomplished I did worry I would wake up the next day and think "what have I done" I waited for it...instead a voice in my head said this is the first day of the rest of your life. It has been a week and it has been hard but not because of gambling but because of the realisation of how Much TIME I have lost with my children the money I have lost and not been able to do things but each day i CHOOSE not to carry guilt forward for something that cannot be undone or changed but to embrace the power I have found from very deep within and put that energy into creating a brighter future for myself. I am still signed up for one to one support and am waiting for this but right this moment I have a new lease of life I wish to make the longest path in my life.
Congratulations mate. Make sure to stay on your toes and always be ready to fight it. I stopped for 4 months and last month I started again and now I've lost £3000 in that short time. Be careful and good luck for your future!
Congrats on reaching out to the gamcare team and putting the stops in place. Reaching out immediately for support is something I hope to do as my recovery starts.
Great inspiration!
Hi
From an early age I was escaping and playing arcade machones.
Walking in to the recovery program was one of the hardest things for me to do.
Yet even from day one I could not abstain from gambling very long.
I was told that I was brave going back to meetings even though I had gambled.
The meeting told me that hey wanted to see me attend even if I was in action.
Once you get in to talking about your feelings and emotions you get to understand what your emotional triggers are were.
I use to think that I must be stupid evil bad or just no good.
The people in the rooms of recovery got me to understand that beating my self up and calling my self names was unhealthy and I was being hard on my self.
In time I got to understand that the rooms of recovery are about healing our pains.
That my anger was an unhealthy reaction.
That living in guilt regret and shame was continuing to live in the pains of my past.
The people in the rooms of recovery got me to understand that recovery is not a race, it is a very slow healing process.
What I did not understand was I could not heal my pains if I was still hurting my self.
I got to see the rooms of recovery like learning to climb mountains.
That no matter how hard it was that I would learn to do things in a much safer slower safety pace.
I was a loner, who had so many fears.
Sadly while I was gambling I was not fully committed to things in my life or people in my life.
Apologizing for my unhealthy actions and my unhealthy was me being more honest and accoutnable to my self.
I am a non religious person and if I can ungerstand and get a healthy recovery any one can.
My conscience is based up on spirtual values.
When I say or do some thing against my conscience I feel pain, I also in some ways feel other peoples pains.
There were several times in the recovery program that I di dnot think that I would ever abstain from gambling or become amuch healthier person.
The recovery program was not going to control or regulate me or my my life.
The recovery program was going help me to become aperson I am proud to be today
In England I rebuilt a small out house.
It was completed and a person from next door came in to our garden to look at it.
He told me that I had done a very good job and it looked great.
I replied that there was a crack in a peice of the wood of the top left corner.
Sadly I use to think that every thing I was not worth while.
I did not value my self, I did not respect my self, I did not love my self.
You read text time and time again and just did not get it.
Then one day I got the light bulb moment I got to understand the recovery program.
While in action gambling I use to think that the very high fear based adrenaline rush was happiness.
I use to say that I loved gambling.
I use to say that I loved my car.
I use to say that work stressed me out.
I use to say that people stressed me out.
I use to hate Mondays and wish my time away till Friday.
I would also say that I Married my wife not knowing what true love was all about.
I would also say that when I Married my wife my emotional age and physical age were not the same.
My hurt inner child had not healed or matured.
Recovery is not about being right wrong good or bad, but more about becoming a much healthier mature person.
I value my life with out gambling in any form today.
I do not want or need to beat people when driving.
I do not want or need to speed when driving.
I do not want or need to gamble today.
I do not want or need to get drunk today.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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