Worry and Regret

It's  you working your intercostal muscles More RR.. Well done you ? boo.. Glad you are keeping well 

Saturdays without football- nightmare. Sadly, my Saturdays revolve around football and my team aint playing and that’s rubbish. The weather is horrendous and it looks like a day in watching Homeland boxsets.

During the week I went back to running in the morning before work. Its great but probably not sustainable. Getting up at 5.30 takes its toll.

Later today I will reach 150 days since my last bet. 150 days is and Is not a long time. It seems like a long time since the madness but in the grand scheme of things the future is long and hard work and mindfulness is required for the journey ahead. What the 150 days has guaranteed is that today can be easy and without worry.

RR

Many congratulations on 150. I saw a post you made on someone else’s diary and it touched me. I’ve since read your entire diary and so glad I did. Very clear, honest and genuinely emotive as well as inspiring!

I’ll be subscribing so that I do not miss any as I think your writings will help me massively.

keep up the good fight!

Em x

Busy day today. Parkrun with don this morning. Life is tough he finished one second outside of his PB. Tough indeed.

Out for food and drinks later today for football. Big game today. Hoping for the best.

No thoughts of gambling which is great. Really need to stop eating so much garbage when I’m a little stressed. I need to just sit with a feeling and see where it takes me. I feel like I always need something. Always self soothing. I used to mask it with gambling now it could be eating this time next year who knows. 

RR

RR

Dear Diary,

Not posted much in the past week. I’m getting by and doing ok. Not been able to get out running as much as I should have in the past few weeks and it shows. I must remind myself I’ll only get out what I put in. Running makes me feel good and yet here I am not running. Why? Life gets in the way sometimes but that is life. Time taken to care for oneself should be treated as a priority and not a luxury.

RR

Aww RR.. Life does get in the way. Bit you must tell it if it gets in the way of your running??

Not easy this juggling plates lark is it. Same here with me. Busy but too busy to gamble which I like

Let's stay strong 

Have an easy day 

Boo ??

Well as far as running goes, am not running either, for different reasons. I think its very hard for average Joe to maintain strict running discipline what with all the responsibilities of life. Am sure you will get back to it when you are ready, if you haven't done so already.

I appreciate your recent support to me.. cheers mate.

Thanks for the messages Boo and SA. Much appreciated.

Ive been a poor soul all week. Ive had sore throat, cough, sore head, generally run down all week but to to top it off Ive had a mouth ulcer from hell on my lower gum for a week now and I dont want to sound like a baby but its just constantly sore all day long.

So, no running for over a week and I cant wait to return to exercise and normality. I miss it and I need it.

No gambling is the bare minimum and thats what’s happening. Take my medicine and get through a bad week. Next week should be better.

RR

Posting for the sake of posting but not much to say.

In the past week I rejoined a gym I rarely went to, Ive continued to feel a little under the weather although my mouth ulcer from the depths of hell has finally went away.

I went for a run this morning and for want of a better word I felt gubbed.

Other than that, Ive not gambled for the past 170 days. I feel knackered now but this will clear over the next few days and then I’ll be back to Rocky like training of body and mind.

RR

You go for it RR.. Stay well 

?? Boo 

Dear Diary,

I went for another run yesterday and just knocked my pan in at the gym this morning = feel great.

Im only 12 days short of six months gambling free. Whooosh how that time has flown by.

Going shopping today to see if any of the major supermarkets have any food left. Also, need to but some work shirts. I hate having to buy stuff for work but hey ho I have money to buy and not spending it on anything. I should appreciate this. Six months ago I had money for nothing.

RR

Just back from a real tough gym session. I’ll sleep well tonight.

Keeping busy at work although the uncertainty is unsettling many I just plough ahead. We dont know how the next few months will go regarding Cvirus and no doubt this will change as the days and weeks pass.

Life is tough just like recovering from gambling addiction but some things we can control and some we cant. Just got to keep going with a positive mind and a willingness to do the best we can under any circumstances.

RR

My wife has a medical condition that often sees her hospitalised. She has been in hospital 3 times in the past 4 weeks which is difficult. I’m not allowed to visit because of the CoronaVirus which is understandable but still difficult. Just got to cowboy up and get on with it. Life can be tough sometimes. I used to lose myself in roulette when this happens. Now I just eat rubbish. I’m chubbier but have more money?

I look back on the history of my wife’s medical problems and I wonder the impact that this had on my gambling and why I just couldnt cope better. I think I cope well considering job, kids etc but us humans hide emotions and find coping mechanisms many of which are unhealthy. Thats life I suppose.

RR

RR

fella thanks for your kind words they fuel the fire for me to keep moving forward to never stop making recovery the most important thing in my life, because I fully understand what the potential outcome could be if I don’t.

 I am sorry to read that your wife has medical problems but rest assured that the NHS are making decisions that will have a better outcome as a result. Roulette won’t fix any problem in fact it will just add new ones 

remain vigilant fella as I know you will.

respect to you

just for today 

Duncs 

Thanks RR. Every word you wrote today reinforces my belief in myself.. Just wobbly at the mo but this place is my saviour. 

Stay safe.. Keep circulating your kindness 

My love boo ?