You CAN all do this!!!

thanks for the insight diceman12, and well done on the five and a half months

happy new year

dan

Well that's me past the 6 month marker without having gambled. 6 months and 3 days to be precise 🙂

Been a great 6 months. A lot less stress in my life and taking that stress away has allowed me to focus on the things that are actually important and add value to me. Feeling great and just wanted to share again that it can be done. If you can get through that first couple of months bet free then you can break the habit and forget gambling was such a massive part of your life.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

hi dice man and thanks for sharing your story... what did you do too keep your self away from the slot machines and tips would be appreciated

tc shell x

It really just goes to show what life CAN be like when we don't gamble.

Long may it continue!

GT

Thanks for your posts.

re: keeping away from the slots. I started off by using the limiting tool provided by more sites so that could only deposit £50 or £100 in 24 hours. Didn't work as just meant that I'd use multiple sites and lots of transactions. Self excluded from all sites that I had joined over the years which must have been 10-15. That broke the habit but still didn't stop me having the occasional binge day where I'd just type online casino into google and use a random site. After each big loss, I would self exclude from that site and until the next binge, no issues.... Eventually, after 5-10 of these episodes, it got to a stage where I couldn't find any sites that looked in any way reputable that I hadn't already self excluded from.... this made things a lot easier as it put enough of a block in place to ensure that I had to THINK about what I was doing and couldn't just get into gambling zombie mode......

Aside from that journey, the simple facts behind me giving up for the last 6 months is that I wanted to this time. There's a phrase I've seen on here that really hit home with me and I think sums up a lot of the first posts that you see on this forum. You have to want to give up gambling and a great many first time posters on here want to give up losing rather than give up gambling.

Anyhow, I'm not here to preach as I'm certainly no expert whatsoever and I'm only 6 months clean. The message I'm trying to share is that I was in deep and really struggled at first to accept the losses and stop gambling. At first, I found it left a massive void in my life and motivation for anything was lacking. What I want to reassure anyone feeling like that at the moment is that these feelings pass and it's sooooooo worth pushing on through them.

YOU CAN ALL DO THIS!!

WE CERTAINLY CAN!

Just wanted to post an update. Am now approx. 9 months since made the decision to stop gambling. Stayed entirely gamble free for first 6 to 7 months of that but since then have had a couple of gambling events.

Had a few bets on Gold Cup day as had a day out of golf then pub & racing planned with a fair few of my friends. Whether or not to attend this day troubled me for a few weeks beforehand as I had been entirely gamble free but I also did not want to miss out on what was a social occasion rather than a gambling one. Limited myself with bets and was broadly in control although being in the bookies felt dangerous and my old interest was definitely sparking itself up again.

In the week prior to the Gold cup event, went out with a friend and ended up in the casino. I think a lot of the decision to head to the casino that night was because whether to attend Gold cup day was very much at the forefront of my mind and I wanted to face up to gambling head on = no better place than the casino to do that!! Predictably the gambling gods were desperate to get me back into the game and couldn't have been kinder... Straight flush, three of a kind etc.......... ended up over £700 up and left. Woke up next day and assessed the experience. Casino is definitely a problem for me; whilst I remembered feeling slightly empty playing the games, I also remembered feeling the excitement and adrenalin of gambling. I also remembered that when I made decision to go to the casino, I was so sure that I would only be going to spend X and play disciplined to show I could do it. That discipline was smashed within about 10 minutes of being in the place so reminded me how easy it is to convince yourself that you'll only make one £100 deposit when this can and more than likely will lead to many more and higher deposits.

Thirdly, had a tenner on the national. This was a rewarding experience as didn't study any form whatsoever. Just walked into the bookies, picked a name and stuck a tenner each way on it. This was a rewarding experience as the local bookies had been refurbished so it felt unfamiliar and I didn't mind whether I lost on the race or not. I felt just like all the many normal non CGs out there who just have a flutter on the national.

Not sure what I've learned from these 3 experiences but thought I'd share and maybe by writing them down, I'll gain some insight.

1. Gambling at a casino is very dangerous for me. Despite my best intentions, within 10 minutes of entering the place all discipline was gone and I felt that old buzz again. I might have made money but did not feel good in the morning and should not do this again.

2. Gambling as part of a social day out. I am now strong enough to be able to do this and should not avoid social occasions through a fear of gambling. That said, being in the bookies that day set off some old feelings and was glad that I wasn't alone.

3. Gambling on Grand National. This was positive experience with none of the old feelings. Demonstrated to me how far I've come and that I can have a normal person Grand National experience.

If you've made it this far then apologies for rambling nature of the above but am still trying to make sense of it in my own mind. It was a clear concept to have 100% abstinence for first 6 months of my recovery but after you get past that point, can you ever re-integrate normal person gambling back into your life? I think my 3 experiences leave me unsure. Absolutely clear that I should avoid being in casinos and bookies for any considerable period of time as I clearly still have CG tendencies. I've also read enough diaries to see enough CGs spend long periods clean before falling big style to know that this thing doesn't leave your head that easily. However, obsessing about not gambling and avoiding any situations where there may be gambling is also unhealthy and puts a focus on gambling where there doesn't need to be one.

Not sure if I've reached much of a conclusion but thanks for reading and genuinely hope this ramble has helped someone somewhere in some way. It's got it out of my head and out there anyways!!!

YOU CAN ALL DO THIS, STAY STRONG!!!

Not sure why but woke up this morning and thought about this site again. Been thinking about gamcare for last week which is slightly odd and has unsettled me as could be my brain recognising triggers and trying to warn me.

Am still doing well. Since last update, have had a couple of gambling incidents. Haven't gambled a penny in last 6 months and both of the binges I had didn't damage me too badly emotionally or financially but gave me a big reminder that I can't gamble in moderation and if I start then it's going to scale up from small stakes to large stakes quickly. That said, what was interesting about these episodes was that there were noticeable triggers that slowly escalated.

1) A desire to stick a couple of quid in the fruit machine in the pub. Fruit machines were my first love but hadn't bothered with them in years and no real desire there so this is unusual in itself. 1st trigger and a comfy one, stick spare change in say £2-£3 and either lose that money or win a couple more quid and take a fiver out..

2) Few days later, same thing but this time I'm going to the bar to get change.....it's only a tenner....

3) Back thinking about football coupons and reminding myself that my CG days are long in the past so no harm in having a social bet with mates watching scores over a few pints

4) Stick £50 in the online casino.....just a bit of fun to fill an afternoon... Win a little, say £100 take it out, congratulate myself on my discipline and £50 profit

5) Another afternoon, let's stick in £50...I'm in control after all. Lose the £50 but I'm £50 in profit remember so I'll stick that in and leave it at that.... BOOM £50 follows £50 follows £100 follows £200 and then I'min £1K deep and bank are phoning me leaving voicemails to check my card isn't being used fraudulently...

What's interesting for me and why I thought I'd post again to both share and to remind was:

a) A distinct pattern starting with months of not caring a jot about gambling then thinking about £2-£3 in bandit can't hurt

b) Frightening how quick a controlled balanced CG can slip straight back into deposit after deposit with no thought of consequence

c) That said, something inside of me stopped me both times at around the £1K mark when I had access to a lot more in funds so even my CG has found his boundaries...

Lessons learned for me have to be:

a) Once a CG, always a CG - don't allow myself any deluded thoughts about just one £50 deposit to fill an afternoon. Doesn't work and willpower I possess 364.5 days of year disappears once I start playing and damage of 0.5 days is frightening.

b) Identified clear early trigger of wanting to stick my loose change in fruit machine. When that happens, not only should I resist but I also need to come back onto gamcare and read some diaries.

c) Haven't used this site much in 2011 and haven't revisited my original post in even longer. I had forgotten how much pain I was in and some of the things that I had done. I should revisit my original post at least once every six months to keep those memories fresh and my barriers up.

Anyhow, apologies for the rambling nature of the post but wanted to get it all down as both a reminder to myself and in the vague hope that someone somewhere in trouble will get something out of it that will help them.

Since my original give up date of 19 July 2010 (couldn't believe it was only 18 months when I re-read this!!), life continues to get better and I am a far better and more enriched person since stopping. For anyone reading this in the first few weeks/months of stopping, the numbness and boredom soon disappears and you start to get enjoyment out of the good things in life again. It really is worth sticking in and showing the inner strength required to stop.

YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Back again! and oddly not a mile away from meeting the committment I made (and forgot about) to revisit my recovery diary every six months. Had random thought about this site this morning and decided to log on and remind myself of where gambling led me.

So 2 years on from the lightbulb moment. Don't have any further gambling relapses to report really. Had a random £80 in a fruit machine day but only a one off and felt like more of an experiment to see what I used to get excited about. As it was te experience felt cold, emotionless, grimy and lacked fun...again though, my intention was only to chuck a twenty in max so clear that if given the opportunity, I cannot trust myself to show restraint. On flip side, that mini binge didn't lead me anywhere else so am changing my instinctive behaviours.

At another junction in life as have now bought and moved into new house with fiancée. Goal since I started this diary was to get enough cash and resolve poor credit history (caused by my compulsive gambling) to get a nice house in nice area. That goal and single minded ness stopped me from gambling online but now I've got what I wanted, I think what has led me back to this site is a fear that I'm looking for new goal and without one, may drift into having a punt. Hopefully not but it's strange I'm back here and reading back through my posts it's even stranger to realise how much I've forgotten of the last two years. My initial post still feels raw and don't think I'll ever forget what I used to be and what I've done in my past but had completely forgotten the more recent stuff and having gambled in four figures online less than a year ago....strange thing the human brain!

Anyhow, once again apologies for the ramble but this post has no real purpose aside from drawing another line in the sand of my recovery. I will review some diaries later and sadly suspect they will be familiar stories of despair and misery.... Different year & different people but just another wave of desperate gamblers seeking some solace and help from someone/somewhere. Well this site helped me turn my life around and hopefully it continues to help others. I'll commit again to revisiting in six months and very much hope that this forum will continue to inspire me not to fall off the wagon and revert to old ways. In fact, that's not strong enough. I WILL not allow myself to fall into old traps of having a few quid here and there as clear that I've forgotten some recent betting episodes and lessons.

Stay strong all and remember its not a certain path to gamble, YOU CAN ALL DO THIS IF YOU TRULY WANT TO!

Gd morning Diceman,-interested diary you have,a great read.Sounds like your working through your urges,and conciously learning by your mistakes.

Glad your life has turned around,keep strong mate.

All the best Rob.

Well here I am again. Failed to keep up with my 6 monthly revisit gamcare promise and really wish I had. Reason I'm on here today is that I've just chucked away £1,300 on online slots 🙁 Not financially devastating and stopped while still had easy access to cash so some solace there but still terrible behaviour and sadly predictable.

Have been dabbling for last couple of months with various losses and wins; nothing too serious but back with a couple of online accounts and starting off with football/boxing bets... Soon slipped back into online casino and won £1K a couple of weeks back off circa £400 of deposits. That gave me alarm call I needed to stop playing as was frightened how easy I sunk back into deposit after deposit and was determined to walk away this time as a winner rather than a loser. 2 weeks later and I'm in the position I knew I was going to be in if I'm honest. Chucked it all back and more in space of 15 hours and what for? nothing, didn't enjoy it,just felt absolutely numb.

Feeling particularly down as clear that I'm never going to have this thing beat and my only choice is complete abstinence from any online gambling as I have zero self control and can't stop myself. I thought I was stronger than that but need to accept I'm not.

To try and give this some sort of reference and meaning; why have I done this and what can I learn?

1) I'm lacking any real goals at the moment, job is up in the air and I'm bored with life. I need to push on and come up with some personal goals that I can work towards to keep my obsessional behaviour focused on positive things and not negative.

2) I cannot have online betting accounts as although I do appear to be able to have a one off bet on special sporting events, I always end up on online casino playing like a zombie.

3) I should revisit this site more often (and my original post) so as not to forget the depths gambling can take people (and myself) to. I have forgotten a lot of my pain in less than 3 years of my original lightbulb moment.

4) The feelings of deception and having let down my family are disgusting self loathing feelings to have and I must avoid ever putting myself in this situation again. Do bad things and feel bad about myself. Do good things and feel good about myself, simples!!!

Need to try and kick on now and get back up from the floor and start fighting. Feel like doing the absolute opposite and curling up in a ball and crying but that's pitiful and I have no-one to blame but myself. Will focus on some new personal goals and doing good things!!

Best wishes to all who read this and are struggling themselves; recognise that I'm primarily posting this for my own recovery but hope somehow somewhere this helps someone else move on to do good things and not bad.

Diceman,

Just been reading your post; I've only joined here in the past 6 months so hadn't seen your story. Sorry to hear you've slipped, but well done for getting back here and holding your hands up.

The story is quite a familiar one - and certainly one I've experienced several times myself. A long period of abstinence gives the feeling we're 'OK' and perhaps might even have a little punt as it can be manageable now. A steady drip-drip of controlled betting soon becomes compulsive and then Bang - it feels like you're back to square one. The difference is, you've managed to get back here and address the problem once again. Recovery is a turbulent ride, full of ups, downs, and slip-ups... each time you emerge the other side you will have learned something new (your 4 bullet-points highlight that pretty clearly) and you can knuckle down and go again. Moreover, your latest activity has not been 'financially devastating' which is a great blessing. Typically when I fall, I'll fall hard and fast - not coming up for air until the last penny is spent.

I certainly relate to your association between gambling and boredom/inactivty - and not having goals to aim for. At busy times in my life, abstinence comes easily when I am focused and committed elsewhere.

So... keep coming on here, keep reminding yourself why you arrived here in the first place. Don't give up giving up!

All the best mate

D123

Well here again but in unusually positive news, gamble free and not about to report losses and vow to improve myself.

Fiancee out for the night and sat in with nobody but my cats and lots of tv sport for company. Predictably after a long period of abstinence but put in the right circumstances, thoughts of a small flutter came about but managed to suppress urge and came here instead to reread my diary. Delighted I did as it's reminded me of the pain and misery gambling has caused me without having to experience it again. I will not fool myself into believing that I can gamble on a normal way and if I don't start then I can't lose.

Best wishes to anyone reading and in trouble. Never forget that you can do this!

I haven't gambled since last binge in June but lacking a bit of focus right now which has been trigger in past so back on here to remind myself what pain can be caused by that one small deposit.

Best wishes to all on here in their attempts to regain control of their lives. You CAN do it!