You can fall a thousand times

Hi

Try Aiseiri they will do deals with you on how you pay and also you do know you are covered by VHI, Laya and all other major health insurers.

Hey Stephen You get back up each time and that is what counts my friend, if at first we don't succeed we try again, and again and again, and you will get there simply because you do keep trying. and don't give up.

Sending you positive and strong thoughts and a (((((S))))) hug xxxx

Suzanne xxx

Day one again. Decided on my walk home last night that i would gamble the change i had left in my pocket.

Spent the evening drinking cheap cans. Woke up in the middle of the night to get sick. This morning i woke up and grabbed some bread and some chocolate. Thats my food for the day. Then a two hour walk to and back from work.

Thats insane. Im sick of this.

I was meant to visit a neurlogist after a MRI scan in December, i didnt bother, didnt want to spend the money. I have constant headaches and i do nothing about it.

I dont want this life. Id rather be dead. But thats becuase its the easy option. The hard option would be to seek help, stop gambling and try to improve my life.

MichaelS wrote:

Hi

Try Aiseiri they will do deals with you on how you pay and also you do know you are covered by VHI, Laya and all other major health insurers.

thanks michael for the post. I dot have health insurance but i didn get a price for a couple of places, the counselling that really appealed to me is a couple of grand though. Also emailed Gamcare to see what advice they could provide for counselling so thats a proactive step

I wished wrote:

Hey Stephen You get back up each time and that is what counts my friend, if at first we don't succeed we try again, and again and again, and you will get there simply because you do keep trying. and don't give up.

Sending you positive and strong thoughts and a (((((S))))) hug xxxx

Suzanne xxx

hey Suzanne thanks for the post, hope everything is going well

Midday on Day one. A lot of random thoughts

I have become so introvert. I work in an office full of people and i think i say about ten words during the day.

I have become so used to be lonely that i have created a bit of a fantasy life on my head.

Brought food in a bag for work. Ate it all and im starving. Ill eat when i get home but i dont value myself enough to put aside money for lunches.

Dreading the bank holiday. Even though i dont speak to my family its better than being in an empty house. On bank holidays they go away for the weekend so its gonna be real quiet and sad.

I read in someones diary and they had a post that made me think. I have been expecting recovery to come to me. I have known for a long time i have a gambling problem but i havent put the effort into recovery

Good randem thoughts though Stephen, you are realising that this addiction does more to us than just having no money, you are not on your own with these feelings, not helpful to you at this time, but you are getting it.

This addiction likes us in its own bubble, but it thrives on our other personal issues, and that's not true, it is this vile horrible addiction, it's not you, keep pushing through your recovery, even though its small steps.

Take care

Suzanne xxx

They were sound enough in all honesty. I had my photos with me and I just went round to the ones I am a regular in first then I did a few that I felt were within easy reach just to be sure. They say they will bar you from all shops but I felt safer just doing them individually. The staff are people and they want you to succeed so if you make a point of it I can't see myself going back anytime soon. Really could not face the issue of being asked to leave.

Day 2.

What a morning.

My sister woke me up at 6 in the morning to tell me there was a mouse near her bag. Now the house always had a mouse but unless there caught in a mousetrap theres not much i can do. The mouse ran away and i went back to bed.

Up at 7 then for work. I walk to work because i dont have money for the bus and im at a stage now where im just used to it. Absolutely soaked. Raining and snowing in Dublin. Getting into work late and wet and sweating.

Its not that i want to kill myself. i want to kill this life i have. I cant do this anymore. I dont want this.

Im going to a GA meeting tonight. I need to speak to people and have to talk about my gambling. I meant to be going on a stag next month and at the moment my head is all over the place.

Enjoy your meeting tonight listen and you will learn an awful lot ask questions and share you story as honestly as you can the more info you tell people the more help you can get. Along with here GA I'd baking a massive impact on my life.

What I will say is it's easy to stop gambling when you have no money now is the time to build them blicks up so when you do get paid you don't give it all the the bookies again

KTF

very true oldham very easy to stop when you have no money.

Ive been to GA meetings before, the one tonight is local so no excuses really. I have to change what im doing if what i genieunely want to stop gambling

Hi Stephen, go with an open mind tonight, and enjoy it, being with likeminded folk may help,

Take care and keep posting.

Suzanne xxx

I haven't posted in a while but I felt it was a good time tonight to post.

I have been going to GA meetings and receiving counselling.

I am three weeks free from gambling. Today was payday so it's a huge achievement to not gamble.

Work wise I am having a lot of hassle. Its distracting me from gambling which can be a good and bad thing. I'm seeking legal advice and I'm calm about it.

Gambling wise I feel very proud. I'm not allowing the thoughts of gambling to be entertained in my mind. That's helping.

I wish everyone well in their recovery. One day at a time . one hour at a time

You should feel proud ... change is not easy but clearly very worthwhile :). Good for you.

Cathyx