Active Vs Passive Abstinence

I would never get why you would fancy putting temptation in front of you. But then on the other hand, avoiding the pub because the big bad bandit is lurking in the corner isn't what I would class as living the process of ' recovery '

I'm not knocking the avoidance techniques of ' hiding ' from gambling, but then your some what falling back into the trap of addiction ie avoiding or surpressing uncomfortable emotions.

Banging a crack head away for a year, isn't gonna sort him. Just like if you put lip stick on a pig, it's still a pig!!

I do think making a statement in self exclusion would be a somewhat useful tool and can act as a some what 2 finger salute to the bookies.

Hi Volcano,

Thanks for your response, I agree a lot with what you say. A gambler will always find a way to gamble and, whilst it is useful to put preventitive measures in place, you cannot hide from an addiction forever. Like you say, if you don't have access to something for a period of time, it doesn't make you less of an addict.

Whilst there is an arguement that you can never 'cure' an addiction, I believe (but what do I know?) that whilst you're completely isolating yourself from it, you are not able to start recovery. I admit that my technique is maybe a little far the other way but, so far, it is working. Was chatting to the landlord of my local last night about this and he is very supportive(it's a managed pub so he's not losing much), it's good to talk and be 'active' in quitting.

I might fall flat on my b*m and have to rething the strategy. Like I say, I don't claim to be right, just wanted to hear other opinions.

Interesting. ....I can see where your coming from. .....
I only ever gambled on online slots......so actually it would be impossible for me to " fall upon them "...would I logg on to one to test myself .no !

Hi Loxxie,

Thanks for your response. I understand that entirely, it would be ridiculous to go out of your way to test yourself (in the same way that I won't walk into a bookies, although I did at the weekend with some friends and it felt good to walk out without risking a penny). I'm actually trying to 'enjoy' giving up, testing myself, marking acheivements and ultimately treating myself with money that would otherwise be lost (why should Mr Gamestec get to goto the Maldives whilst I have a weekend in Margate?)

I get what you're saying, interesting point. There's a lot of gambling/football talk at work, which as a football fan, I am involved in, don't want to avoid it. I haven't set foot in a bookies since I stopped gambling. I don't think I'd ever go in with a friend, 30 seconds and all hard work would be undone. That said, walking out having not gambled, would feel like a huge win in itself. Interesting.

So as a so called professional machine player. Are you telling me you could for example watch someone throw a few hundred into a machine & not then play it? Hang around the barbers shop long enough fella you'll end up getting a haircut

I probabally wouldn't stop !
So there for I will not start !
So ....for me anyway.....I'll stay away from the starting line 🙂

Hi Brandon and day@atime, thanks for your comments.

Brandon, I do agree to an extent, I wouldn't go into a bookies on my own to test the theory (what's the point?) obviously pubs are different and, at the weekend, I really didn't want to be standing outside on my own so I tried to turn it into a positive (and, on this occassion succeeded but it may prove to be the wrong strategy).

day@atime - Absolutely, I WAS a 'professional' player but haven't been playing 'properly' and 'professionally' for a few years (I'm sure they may still be 'players' out there but the game seems to be pretty dead now). As for witnessing a big loss, it is of no interest to me, never was. The type of person you saw jumping on a machine after someone had lost would never have been a professional and would have never consistently made money (I never did it, unless it was a machine I planned to play anyway). Professional players never watched people play, never made themselves apparent and never hassled anyone....but that's all beside the point as I am no longer one of them (hense my presence here).

Thanks again for your responses.

Hi, Phil,

I don't really see what point you're making with this thread. The pros and cons of avoiding temptation or staring down temptation have nothing to do with overcoming addiction. Empirical evidence seems to be that if you choose to face temptation enough, you'll eventually give in. If you want to give up instead, you do whatever it takes to avoid putting yourself in danger of using / drinking / gambling.

Removing temptation and making changes is anything but passive. Effort is required to set up blocks and barriers and to change habit so that the triangle's broken. Avoiding temptation might involve going outside a circle of mates who gamble to a different circle of mates at GA, it might involve substituting family time for gambling time, it might even involve a change of occupation. Nothing changes if you're passive and you don't make changes.

The other change which is anything but passive is the personal growth and tackling the issues that lie behind the compulsion to place a bet.

Not using is the start, a vital start, no progress is possible without it but it's the start. And all temptation is best avoided: if you want to stay dry, steer clear of w e t places. It's about making the right choices and avoiding that first bet is always the best choice.

Cynical wife wrote:

Hi, Phil,

I don't really see what point you're making with this thread. The pros and cons of avoiding temptation or staring down temptation have nothing to do with overcoming addiction. Empirical evidence seems to be that if you choose to face temptation enough, you'll eventually give in. If you want to give up instead, you do whatever it takes to avoid putting yourself in danger of using / drinking / gambling.

And that was exactly the point I was making, is it best to try and block the ability to gamble or can it be beaten by facing upto it and having the strength to say "not today"? I did not (and never would) claim to be an expert but I am doing what seems to work for me, I may fail and then I'll have to rethink. Everybody deals with this differently but, I feel, that my recovery wouldn't start if I 'hid' from my problem. I have an active social life and, rightly or wrongly, gambling is everywhere so I can't see it being feasible to not goto the pub, not watch sport and not do anything where the lure/facility to gamble is present.

I may fail or I may go on to live a life free from gambling but I can do no more than take each day as it comes and do what I feel will stop me from gambling that day.

I can see it from both sides of the debate I think..
Blocks/avoid places/disassociate from gambling friends /no cash ...the full works etc...all paramount in the very early days of fighting addiction...
But to live like that forever for some people may be difficult..or impractical......for example....your son wants his party in a pub that has fobts...do you not go...your a postman and have to deliver mail to the bookies....some things can't easily be changed....so surely you have to learn to dissaaociate yourself from your addiction...." I don't do that anymore "....oh blimey....I'm struggling to write what I mean lol....because my addiction was online slots....in that respect it's easier for me to stay away....I simply don't log on to slot sites...
But don't think because of that remark it's been easy.....hard to explain what I mean lol

Hi Loxxie,

Thanks for your comments. I agree totally and it really is different for everyone. If my weakness was online slots then there would be no doubt, I would be excluding myself, closing all accounts and getting some blocking software (in fact, I think I am excluded from a number of sites from ages ago after a brief dabble). After-all, there is no need to be on an online casino site if you're not going to gamble. Also, my 'small victories' theory (as I have now chosen to call it) doesn't transfer to online gambling as it's available 24/7 and there is no 'cut off'. Because I can put myself in the presence of gambling and withdraw myself from it at will (i.e. going to the pub and leaving again) then, once I have completed that finite period, I can consider it a victory 🙂

I am lucky(?) in so much as my addiction seems to have purely manifested itself in a single type of gambling. Asides from a brief dabble, I don't play online, I have always done sports bets but only little £2.50 ones on a weekend and couldn't tell you one end of a horse from another...the draw isn't there for me. Maybe if it was then I would need to approach this differently and, as I say, maybe I'm heading for failure but, at the moment, it feels like it's working so I would be a fool to approach it any other way.

Thanks again for your input.

I see what you’re getting at here and it’s an interesting one. The triangle concept of Time, Money, Location I understand. The first few days and weeks abstaining in my experience are the most difficult and breaking the triangle so to speak is key at this stage. I do agree though that gambling is everywhere and there’s no getting away from it unfortunately.

I can only go by my own situation as a reference. I have been in the bookies a few times during the last 8 months with friends, I was in their company at the time they decided to go in and didn’t want to just stand in the bar on my own. I have been in pubs with machines and racing/football on TV, I actually work in a bar where gambling is constant. I went to a friend’s house for a drink one night and they were all playing cards but I didn’t join them obviously. Lads at football are constantly talking about their bets on the footy. I wouldn’t go out of my road to put temptation in my way but I accept that gambling is everywhere even on TV and you can’t hide from it so to speak. I did most of my damage online and have self-excluded from every site and account I had and when the one-stop self-exclusion form becomes available I will be filling it in as well.

I believe that if you really want to gamble no amount of blocks or barriers will stop you but at least they will slow you down enough to hopefully make you see sense. I’m not going to stop running about with my friends just because I’m a compulsive gambler – they don’t make gamble or try to talk me into a bet or anything. It’s not their problem, it’s mine. As for going into the bookies for example – I do realise there is really no need for me to be in there at all and don’t plan on going back in even if it means waiting on my own elsewhere. I can’t help people betting in the bar I work in – I take nothing to do with the bets obviously. I have played football for a long time and don’t expect the lads to not talk about their bets around me and I’m not going to give up playing because of it.

I’m only being honest about my own situation and respect everyone may have differing views. I would advise any newcomer to the site about blocks and barriers, handing over finances, time money location triangle etc. There is so much more to it than just abstaining from a bet – I’ve abstained for up to 2 years previously without ever being in recovery. I now attend GA every week and be honest about how I’m getting on whether it’s good or bad.

In summary I personally don’t think it makes sense to ‘test’ ourselves by unnecessarily exposing oneself to gambling. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a few pints in the bar watching a footy match with a machine or 2 in the corner. For some though the temptation is too much and I totally understand those the need for staying out of the bar for example.

There's a huge difference here though Sam...You are @ GA & whilst I want to kick you for justifying a trip to the bookies you know that this was daft & have addressed it. Yes, gambling is all around us & if we were addicted to scratchcards it would be nigh on impossible to avoid them but limiting the risk of a relapse is just good sense. At the moment you are using willpower to fight fire Phil & whilst it can be very effective to a point, there is a need to keep working on making your mind healthy @ the same time. You didn't choose to become compulsive, addiction lured you in so keep an open mind when tools are suggested & never be caught off guard.