Active Vs Passive Abstinence

The blocks and barriers aren't there so a CG can 'hide' from gambling . They are there so he/she has to consciously think about what they are about to do rather than acting on impulse especially in the very early days when the brain is in a gambling induced fog. They are also there to provide reassurance to partners and family that even if the gambler should relapse any damage they can do is minimal.

On the subject of 'testing' why play with fire?

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Hmmm yes interesting.

I have focused on pubs being a danger zone for me. Alcohol and gambling (with machines readily available) is a heady mix and Im fully aware about that

I enjoy a pint of real ale and have occasionally popped in for one. However I am fully aware that pubs have one or more machines in them so I am avoiding most of the pubs I dont particularly like. I dont like most of them anyway especially the chain pubs

My main thing with pubs is that I wont go out on a quiet Tuesday night for example and end up in one on my own. That has stopped because I cant trust myself not to play them if the empty vibe in a pub gets to me. Ive no idea how I thought some rubbish empty pub could cure my boredom or loneliness. Maybe I just wanted to drink and gamble. I always used to drift over to the machines and blow my money

I have mentioned to the bar staff that Im not to be seen on the machines but thats mainly a pride thing to focus myself as they dont run a monitoring service. My pints are now very rare so you could say Im phasing pubs out of my life

When Im with people of having a pub meal its not a problem...Im focused on enjoying myself with them and dont even think about gambling. I dont even glance at machines because Im happily having a good time

I am self excluded from the only arcade and all the bookies in this area.

I dont think its acceptable to go into bookies with friends because when I was relapsing I found that it could grab me at any time. The test WAS NOT walking out one day and thinking it was beaten because I didnt touch the machines or walked out early. I started thinking oh I can control this and then shortly afterwards I was extinction gambling again. The tests have to be real...proper blocks than take it from there. Casual willpower tests are nigh on useless and plain delusional.

I think I have a healthy fear and reality factor with machines now. Thousands down so a machine winking at me in a pub does not seem like a fun opportunity

I feel any time in the gambling dens just builds up a feeling of a gambling environment being ok again. For a compulsive gambler like me it isnt. I realise that it may always be within me so a gambling environment will never be ok.

I dont feel urges but Im wise enough about the addiction so Im not going to tempt fate. I dont fancy being in a motorway service station if Ive had a stressful day repping or something. I know what possible trigger points may be and I must not be complacent

My opinion is that people should be actively telling friends that gambling its not for them and suggest a better place to go. I dont understand why you would want to go in or hang around with gamblers knowing the problems gambling has caused. If friends are gambling then it just focuses you onto their activity. I find that most active gamblers talk like they have the only four legged horse or the lucky touch. The delusional banter is very harmful. Ive also found that active gamblers dont relate to non gamblers as it makes them uncomfortable. Therefore the non gambler is making massive compromises to fit in and be accepted....not on in my view.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

The idea of confronting your demons is good, but this runs deeper than strapping your face to a fruit machine for 10 hours.

Your addiction is the product of some kind of life struggle. For me was a form of social anxiety and an ingrained sense of not being good enough.

Therefore, confronting my demons included: telling people close to me about my addiction, doing therapy, building relationships with family by setting goals, asking people at work to go for lunch, giving a presentation at work, learning to sing.

This is me having an active approach to 'recovery'.

If you're thinking, 'but I don't have an obvious 'thing' to confront' - well, you do (addiction is the symptom!) you're just not yet aware of it. In which case I would suggest counselling.

Apart from anything else, hanging round pubs or hours spent alone on the Internet, probably isn't a great idea for a 'recovery', regardless of the gambling aspect

Louis

Morning Everyone,

Thankyou so much for your comments.

I said from the start that I am in my early days and am, certainly, no expert so it's great to hear everyone's opinions on this. I have done a LOT of reading on the forum and been taking advice that I think will work for me.

To make myself clear, I was not on here to say that my way is right or that others are wrong and am very open to suggestions and, asides from one unhelpful post from an expected source, it has been great to hear everyone's opinion. I agree that the bookies are a dangerous game and I certainly wouldn't go in under normal circumstances. On this occasion it was so my mates could do some football bets so I knew it would be in-and-out, maybe I should take heed of some of the experience on here and wait outside next time (as I say, I am under no illusion that I know best).

The pub, to me, is unavoidable (or, at least, I don't have any intentions of avoiding it). I work alone the majority of the time and meet after work with a good (predominantly, non-gambling) group for a bit of a 'social' fix and wind down. I rarely drink more than a couple of pints so will continue to do this even though temptation is, technically, staring me in the face with it's flashing lights etc.

I have, for the meantime, stopped the sports betting as well. My original intention was continue with this as I never saw it as a problem (and, indeed, it has never caused me a problem). I have never chased a sports loss and only ever had £5-10 MAX on a Saturday (all small accums) and then a tenner each Thursday between Feb-May on the Premier League of Darts. I have not ruled out these small bets in the future (I have been doing so for 10+ years and never increased my stakes) but would do them online and NOT in the bookies. I will, for now however, abstain because of all the advice on experience I have read on this forum.

Joydivider, I totally agree with telling friends. I have told my gambling and non-gambling mates that I am trying to abstain (and they have, mostly, been very supportive). I have also, like yourself, told the landlord, a couple of staff and the regulars at my local pub. I don't expect them to do anything or block me but, the way I see it, knowing I will get a load of grief and the shame of failure is a block in itself.

Like I say, it's early days (day 9 today) but it is, thus far, working. I will continue to read and listen to advice as this forum provides a great deal of inspiration.

Thanks again for all your replies.

Phil

Hi Phil,

i totally understand what your saying, football on tonight I'm actually watching it and trying not to bet. Nearly went for a bet on the match, put the money I would have put on at the beginning. Obv it will win as I haven't actually put money on it. But just trying to face it head on, it's very hard ATM. Head is itching but I'm holding in. Maybe next time I won't check what bets I could of put on and just watch the match. But small steps might help my addiction, obv impossible for me to avoid watching footy as I love it and love playing. Just ruined the joy of football.

cheers

blue team

Thats great Phil83

In a way I dont like to give ultimatums and Im not saying go and sit in a darkened room and be antisocial. Im not saying that but I am saying that you need a strong ethic of blocks, self respect and family support.

With a good basis of recovery you talk about it with your friends and loved ones. It gradually becomes more clear in your mind just how harmful gambling was and how good you feel without it.

There are other helpful signs like money building up in my pocket and enjoying spending my money on bike parts, hi fi, etc

For me it was the final stength to realise machines were giving me nothing but misery. The addiction was the repeat behaviour, the extinction gambling and short term escape from life. I now mainly think what did I ever do that for. I cant believe it was actually me chucking away thousands

You gain a new pride for being who you are and your friends accept that or hit the highway. There is a judgement call and a line to be walked but you must make those decisions for your own good.

There is a whole debate about different triggers. The lottery has never been a trigger for me as I dont like the ticket process and fully understand there is more chance of my favourite rock star coming round out of the blue. I understand the odds and its not an escape mechanism. I didnt do the horses dogs or football because it was too much like real gambling if you get me. The machines were however deadly for reasons Im still working through.

You focus on what was causing you a problem and the bookies are a dangerous game so I feel you must self exclude from everywhere you compulsively gambled.

What Im saying is that you just learn to feel better away from those places you are not missing anything but the misery they caused you in the past. Its not a get it back later scheme and never was. Ok they will tell you it is but you will lose more often than not and you can never win if you cant stop

There is no shame in having the pride to say keep me awy from those things or I dont agree with those. They were the ruin of me and i would have been homeless if not for parental bailouts. The machines took my dignity and self respect. They took the trust other have in me and I now have to rebuild that trust the hard way.

Better that than continued gambling though. I never thought I could get addicted to anything but Ive been addicted to "one armed bandits " for forty years...thats what they are bandits..(.people called them bandits because its a very apt name for something that takes your money like a group of masked men on horses).

Any breaks didnt matter as they always brought out addictive behaviour before I knew what I was doing. Ive been delusional about them for forty years but have now seen the light.

Anyway keep reading, keep talking and mainly keep being honest about your feelings

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thanks Joydivider, a huge amount of sense written there and very little more I can add.

I agree with the importance of triggers. Like you, the lottery etc. has never been a trigger for my gambling. I think the reason I have disassociated football/darts (only two sports I ever bet on) betting with my addiction is because of the time factor. With a FOBT or Fruit Machine you get an instant result (an instant 'hit' if you like) you win or lose and then you can repeat the same action. With sports betting you place your bets before the event and then have to wait 90mins (or even longer with darts) to see a result. Yes, there is in-play if you were desperate double-up or try and 'get out of jail' but it's not something I really did (unless I missed the start of the event). The difference is that these are single, one-off events where you place the bet in a measured way with a clear head (which ultimately means a sensible and affordable stake), with a FOBT/AWP you can repeat bet and increase stakes as your heart begins to race and the haze sets in (leading to the inevitable).

I said at the start of this that I would keep doing my little sports bets (online now though rather than on a bookies slip). I have one account with a £10 daily limit (hardly going to win 'customer of the year'!) but haven't used it in the last 10 days...I haven't discounted it but wanted to give giving up the best possible start (besides, I've been working so haven't been able to watch much sport).

There is definitely scope for another debate based on my waffling above...maybe I'll start a thread.

Thanks again Joydivider and blueteam for your comments.

Phil