Barriers

You know I've only ever thought of barriers in regard to the triangle. Time, money, location. Which I always managed to find ways round. They were helpful and they bought me some thinking space but overall were ineffective when I really wanted to go for it. So, as I read this post I realised that the barriers that I now have...the place I now work from...are all human. They're my husband and my kids, the knowledge that I'd be letting them down. It's the life I'm living now. But more importantly I'm my own barrier. I don't want to live like that any more and somehow something's clicked in my mind. If I dont want those feelings anymore, then each time I consider a bet I have a choice to make. No-one and no thing can stop me unless I want to stop. And that's much easier when things are going well. Then I feel invincible. But when times get tough it gets much harder to be my own barrier. So I guess that's when support, reaching out and understanding our weaknesses and our actions comes into play. Because I know myself well enough now to realise when my mind is at it's most likely to self sabotage. I recognise the call of the "let me soothe you" that addiction offers. I floundered around for a long time before I could recognise it, but knowing it now is a great piece of armour.

Interesting. Or the internal barrier of reflection and building awareness of thoughts, urges and emotions and recognising them for what they are rather than becoming them.

There is an ACT metaphor of your core self being like a chess board. And learning to be able to witness the battle going on above (the feelings, urges, thoughts, sensations) but being bigger than that. Or being the sky and noticing all the clouds and storm which come and go.

Still not sure this is a barrier so much as a healthy way of living, with the bonus of being a barrier

Thanks LB, you've managed to nudge me from possibly an irrelevant or obvious thought for some, yet for myself i managed to get tangled up a bit.....

I obviously know what everyday physical barriers are and they can herd the human animal up and make them follow the right paths, ie control them.

The thought stemmed from a few angles and came up yesterday in a conversation. One of the stems is regards to a pal i've had for 40 years and we've shared a lot of history. We have seperate friend circles, but on the odd occasion they entwine. He's an intelligent private school educated chap but kept himself in small cocoons in regards to work and always too smart for the jobs he does.We can share a similar sence of humour and bounce of each other when its just the 2 of us or with a small circle of mutual friends. Yet, if we're out with predomiately his pals or new people, there will be an elemant of grandeur about him and he needs to be the centre of attraction as he stretches story's, he's obviously more outgoing than me. But on the rare occasion where im holding center circle and the stories are rolling, he will always find a way to put me down or stop me in my tracks.. So, fairly long winded, on a vertical scale his elevated thick grandeurous barrier is toxic to my wafer thin low esteem barrier. Hence becomes toxic, as you dont reach down, you only reach up. Hence the center is where its at.

Then another stem comes from a couple of work experiences in the past year and being of guard with 2 quite over powering, control freak, power trip characters i came across. I feel i can handle myself fairly well in standing my corner, but i questioned my self why i let them take up my head space and wind me up. So i combated there manipulation ( addict head ) but had no barriers to fall back on. ODAAT shone a bit light on this by mentioning the serenity prayer in a post while back, also the use of sponsors. My barriers are none existant, especially at weekends, hence the vulnerable times. Where i would mostly use 4 walls as barriers aided with drink/ youtube / doob ( rare occurance nowadays )

So my conclusion, is not to dismiss any barriers. Peer support are great barriers, whether that to be family/ friends / random groups...And the initial triangle type barriers, incl exclusion etc.........

A unnessary thought made complex...........processed and out

cardhue wrote: Interesting. Or the internal barrier of reflection and building awareness of thoughts, urges and emotions and recognising them for what they are rather than becoming them. There is an ACT metaphor of your core self being like a chess board. And learning to be able to witness the battle going on above (the feelings, urges, thoughts, sensations) but being bigger than that. Or being the sky and noticing all the clouds and storm which come and go. Still not sure this is a barrier so much as a healthy way of living, with the bonus of being a barrier

Another barrier to add the list...Thanks

Morning Paul, I started out with the barriers being the triangle which I still have in place it's become second nature. What I consider to be my biggest barrier now is my honesty and openness with people around me in my 3D life. I told my first lie in 18 months 2 weeks ago when my Dad had just had his stroke, a GA friend of mine text me to meet up for a pint and rather than tell him the truth I made up some lie that I was at a mates. It didn't sit well with me and I had to call him the day after and apologise, he was fine and didn't get why I was so bothered.

Anyway went off on a tangent there what I'm saying there is I don't hide things anymore I share them and talk them out.

KTF

Another excellent barrier Martin. Had a similar experience early last year where i considered myself doing well in recovery. I told a lie to an amiable chap who I liked and just interviewed me with regards to having a in date work ticket. When I left, I was wracked with guilt so after a few hours wrestling my self, I phoned up with another white lie to say it had run out...... My pals thought I was nuts when I told them and in truth I think they could of been right as it wasn't a important ticket and was only a white lie.... So, albeit completely agreeing with you, sometimes a white lie where it's not gonna mean anything to someone is ok...... I think, but flipping that it's best in re(dis)covery to be honest all the time.......Note to me...

Your diary is on my radar...

Do you think maybe that sort of stuff (Martin & Paul) is about keeping our side of the street clean? We can't control how people around us act but we can work on being about right ourselves...My main barrier has been my accountability so it makes sense for that to mean to myself as well as others.

Hi

Yes barriers and road blocks often mentioned in the recovery program.

At one time I thought and beleived that I would be the last person on this planet to stop gambling.

Had I given up all faith and hope in my self, yes for sure.

It was a life saver to put time and effort in to going to recovery meetings.

Then to make it easier for me in time I handed over all my finances over to my wife.

By doing this I felt that I was being punished like alittle child.

Only once I committed more time and effort in to the meetings I got wise as to became a much healthier person.

I got to understand more about my emotional triggers and how to reduce my emotional vulnerability.

It became obvious to me that earlier in my life I had suffered much abuse and pain.

In the meetings there was so much more honesty and wisdom as to how to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Because I had suffered much abuse and pain I got in to the unhealthy habits of burying and suppressing my feelings and emotions. 

By being committed to the meetings I got to understand when I was vulnerable and deal with thinsg in amuch healthier way.

I had difficulty in taking in education and learning and understanding life.

The recovery program helped me heal my pains.

The recovery program helped me face adn reduce my fears.

The recovery program helped me reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

The recovery program helped me reduce my fears of emotional intimacy.

The recovery program helped me write down my needs my wants and in time my goals.

The recovery program helped me understand that the highs of my gambling were very much adrenaline based.

The recovery program helped me understand that when I was vulnerable I would have hightened levels of fears.

As my fears got higher I would reach a point of going in to panick mode.

Now today I do not want or need to gamble.

Life today is very basic but more productive.

Avoidance is it fear based.

Is it healthy for me to live my life in fear.

Is it healthy for me to procrastinate and not get things done.

Love peace and healing.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham