There's hell of a lot of re(dis)covery that has managed to get me lost and possibly its part of the pregress to find your own path.
Two things that appear on this forum or in re(dis)covery is ' nothing changes if nothing changes ' or ' rewiring your mind. Sometimes they appear as a chant akin to ommmmmmmm, as if i say it long enough the magic re(dis)covery fairy will come and make things all the better.
Early lasy year i realised that in my mid 20's, i indeed did go through a mind altering experience, going from the ' half glass full to the half empty '. This was due to an accident, so i started thinking how do i reverse it and managed to get myself lost again in by confusing some terminology.
Something what seems to appear in everyday addiction in action, is avoiding everyday things and having an ' ill do it tomorrow attitude ', a common thing is leaving all your letters unopened or hiding it from your spouse and letting things snowball further and then ultimately hide away in your drug of choice whether this is gambling/ drinking etc.
So, even myself personally is quite a novice in things but dealing with stuff and prioritising is a way of rewiring, making them small changes and slowly reuniting with yourself and society. Rebelling doesnt work as James Dean would testify, it doesnt mean you need to become a she.ep, its about finding ones own identity and accepting your not unique......
Disclaimer, my humble and thoughts for today.........
Yes and I see some posts where nothing has changed in terms of the measures needed to allow the mind to heal. I understand why some say" nothing changes if nothing changes" in the advice given.
I am a different person to who I was in 2015 but its difficult to explain. I thought I was in some way handling life then but I was clearly heavily addicted and indeed ill. I didnt realise then how ill and depressed I was. The addiction overwhelms and even becomes us if you like. I was that addiction and it defined who I was.
I wasnt in my right mind so if people want to term it mental illness or are scared of that term its a matter for discussion. Many people are indeed afraid of admitting to a mental illness because they fear the possibility of being referred to as loopy. Mental illness comes in many varying forms and addiction is one of them.
I spent 10 months after I first joined the forum where I didnt act on any of the good advice given. I phoned gamcare but didnt act on the advice..Too much trouble and the embarrassment and addiction made me think I could handle it in some other way.
I read the words and then went off in my own sweet way. I dont know what I was thinking. Most likely the addiction wanted the door open to gamble again. I remember thinking the gambling dens arent having my details on an exclusion form because that would destroy my privacy. As you say it was like not opening the post or facing up to it. I was even advising other people then and relapsing every week. When someone pointed the truth out I got in a real indignant huff and deleted all my posts. Im still trying to explain that one.....its how mixed up I was at the time
After an all time low of suicidal thoughts and deep depression, I finally did something proper about it. Only then did my mind start healing. I started dealing with who I am. To be honest Im still a glass half empty person but Im calmer and more content now. I realised that gambling would only make my life worse and wouldnt solve anything. I realise it didnt really give me any pleasure so why would I miss it.
I doint think about wanting to gamble now. I only think about gambling to try and help others on this forum.
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
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