Any help please

Dear BeeB, 

We are sorry to read that you are struggling. It seems that your husband's gambling is having an impact on your and your family's wellbeing. 

We just want to let you know that you don't need to be alone with this. There are support groups for family and friends and we offer referrals to treatment teams that are local and for free. This is so you can have emotional support. 

We can also discuss support for your family.  

If you want to talk to us, please feel free to contact our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat. Both open 24 hours every day.

We wish you all the best, 

Kind regards,

Juan

Forum Admin.

Leave. Don't let the mother of your children (you) be treated in this way. As for the children they don't deserve this. Just don't waste time and regret it later. All sincere advice. I wish you well.

Thank you both for your replies.  

Can I ask 1 thing - is my behaviour incorrect? It’s just he does not think I should be upset or concerned. That his gambling only affects him & the credit cards are in his name? That I ‘don’t need to know the debt’. That I need to look at the kids club direct debits too not the monthly credit card bills.  We are maxed over drawn by the 10th of every month so even food shopping is on credit cards.  I learned this week my credit score has been affected by this overdraft.  I know I am too passive and believed the arguments were me - I know that’s unfair now.  But should I be as upset and worried? I’m told my behaviour is incorrect.  Then I think he’s me!! Thank you.

Thank you Dave L

hi welcome, heres some tips ive learnt thru the years....

Number 1:

GET BLOCKS IN PLACE

Gamstop for online

Moses for local bookies

And Sense for uk casinos

It’s essential to do them all (you may say i only ever gamble online, or i only ever gamble in bookies) but down the line when you want to scratch that gambling itch or are impulsive like myself, Online, bookies and casinos become tempting.

Number 2:

When you get paid, pay all bills then transfer rest to a loved one for safe keeping.  Then it’s not in ur account waiting for the moment ur tempted by gambling its safe and sound and if you do really need it it’s there (either that or start to pay off highest interest debt each month (this will help massively), 

I transfer my money to my dad and have saved a lot over the years.

I top up my sainsburys card each month when i get paid for food shopping.

Number 3:

Limit the damage you can do with one visit to town:

The number of times in the past i’ve visited a cash machine for the bookies until i can’t get any more cash out!!!! Let’s save that!!!!

 U can limit cash withdrawals (just ask your bank)

You can not take your cards out (more difficult)

You can just take cash then all you can lose is that cash.

There is two step verification that your partner or parents can authorise your payments. (i’ve heard this is great)

Number 4:

With this new life away from gambling you will no doubt try to life a new healthy lifestyle (one step at a time) i found that drinking was clouding my judgement and making me gamble, smoking was inhibiting my breathing, drugs id also done in the past caused my mental well being to go down and these all led my weight, stress levels and ability to do well at work to diminish.  It took a breakdown in 2018 for me to realise all these habits needed to stop so i stopped one at a time to give me a better chance, smoking 2016, drinking 2018, gambling 2019….. 

MAKE 2023 UR YEAR FOR A FRESH LIFESTYLE< KEEP ME POSTED ADAM…….

 this could help him xx

Thanks Adam

Thank you Dave L

I have contacted the team for a one-to-one.

your comments are so helpful thank you for taking the time to reply.

I am so sad.  Thanks Dave L.

Hello all,

I lost a close family member in May and held this all in until that happened as I couldn’t bare it all.  We had a big talk and he was going to get help.  He went to 2 meetings in June then never went back.  We’re £30k in debt again.
I hate to admit I checked his coat pocket & found a slip.  Christmas Eve and here we are again.  I said to him in June I can’t have gambling in the kids lives anymore or mine and he agreed then.  The kids have no idea, nobody does.  I don’t want to give ultimatums but I’m emotionally drained.  I’m sorry for such a selfish post. I’m not strong enough for another 10 years like the last.
Wishing you all a peaceful christmas