Hello, this is my first post. Sorry if this is the wrong thing to ask but I don't know what to do!
My husband admitted gambling last October. Initially he admitted to being in £5k of debt, but in January he finally come clean (as far as I know!) and it's there's another £20k on top.
The gambling and lying started after we had out daughter, I was caught up in being a mum and he had some sort of breakdown which has resulted in this mess!
Our daughter is now 2 and I'm back in work on a part time wage. He works full time and does overtime but we can't make ends meet, in fact ends are nowhere near meeting. Our combined wages take us over the threshold of getting any help. The loans he pays comes to more than our household bills. There's no money left to buy food or anything.
His debts won't be paid off for at least 4/5 years. I just can't see how we're going to get through it.
Hi
I'm sorry to see this. It's rubbish when it all comes out.
First thing to say is you need to establish the true extent of the date via his credit reports from all three agencies. They are all available free via Noddle (Callcredit) Clearscore (Equifax) and Experian via MSE's credit club. This will also show you if there are any hidden bank accounts. Once you have the full picture he can start the ball rolling with debt advice agencies. They are his debts and he needs to be doing the running around, research and contact. Payplan and Stepchange are well regarded and free. They will help calculate affordable repayments and negotiate with his creditors on his behalf.
You need to take on handling the household finances. It would be advisable to cut as much financial connection with him as you can and move everything you can into your sole name. Make sure he can't access household funds or any savings you and your daughter may hold.
You can't trust a word he says so don't without seeing proof for yourself. If he's ready to stop he will comply with everything you need to have in place to feel secure. If he tries to talk you out of any of it or manipulate you into anything you're not comfortable with, be wary. The name of the game is protecting your own and your daughter's interests and putting both of you first.
Hi,
I 100% agree with the comments above made by Lethe and just wished to expand on a few points if I may.
Stepchange Debt Charity is something I use. They are provided with your incomings, outgoings and debts. They negotiate a monthly payment from you which is paid to your creditors. Generally any interest is frozen and it stops threatening letters, phone calls and bailiff visits. When speaking with Stepchange they do ensure you have enough cash for each month.
In respect of your hubbies gambling you dont say what kind. If you can some of us can advise further.
Best wishes
Thank you both.
He gambles on bandits, roulette, scratch cards and online games (I think). No betting on sport. I do think things have improved, his moods are a lot better and he's not so distant since it all come out.
2 of the loans are guarantor loans! So not much can be done about them. He says someone he works with guaranteed them and I have seen letters from amigo.
I will mention those debt advice agencies to him. It's just such a headache. I haven't really been able to face any of it myself because I'm concentrating on myself and my daughter, going to work 3 days a week and trying to keep everything going.
Luckily the mortgage and house is in my name and I have a small amount of savings stashed away that he doesn't know about.
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