hi all, I have just found out that my wife has a gambling addiction I am completely and utterly devastated, we have a 9 year old son. I have no idea how much she owes I feel sick even thinking about it and I don’t want to know what she owes. I personally think it’s way over £30k, to make things worse she had been using her employers bank to bet at work. I am literally petrified of everything I am so worried that we will lose our house and I just can’t believe that she has done this to us. I’m sure she will lose her job and there is no way I can afford to pay the bills and her debt along with mine. I haven’t eaten in 2 days I see no hope whatsoever in the future. I have no family I can go to and I don’t want to abandon her as we need her.
She did go to a GA meeting on Thursday and she is attending another one today so I’m pleased she is seeking help.
I have spent the last 3 days in the bedroom as i feel safe here. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you
I’ve been in a similar position myself owing 30k to a long list of companies. For a non gambler it’s hard to comprehend all I can say mate is.. stay strong support her as her mental health is bound to be seriously affected by this so she will need ur support. There are options available via debt management etc (I use stepchange) but firstly you need to focus your efforts on her and the money will take care of itself in the long run. Attending a GA meeting is more than I have ever done and as you are now aware of the issue the most important part is admitting it which I had to do to my gf and parents (trust me it was awful). Don’t be hard on yourself either things will improve with time mate. I have alerted a moderator for this post as they will be able to advise what to do in your perspective. Keep ur head up mate
HI coops2017. Welcome. This is a good place to start. Remember this is her debt not yours. Do not pay her debt . Your money is for mortgage/rent and living. She should pay her share and the debt comes last. It's for her to sort, she can call stepchange, her creditors and negotiate. If you pay her debts it gives her a clean slate, let's her get more credit. Her debt should be a constant reminder. It's not for you to go with out because of her addiction. Find a gamanon meeting if you can, there is online 8-9 Sunday night, go to website. Encourage her to continue to attend GA. That's the best place. She needs to sign up to gamstop to stop her online gambling. She can show you the email to confirm. Do not trust words, you need to see proof. Secure your finances, no joint accounts. This is forever. My husband has handed over finances, he has no cards, he supplies receipts for every penny. He attends GA every week, sometimes 2x. I go to gamanon. This is manageable, just remember to look after yourself, get some help and support. Stepchange should offer financial advice and guidance on employment situation. A willingness to seek help and repay debt is vital. Ask questions here, there are many who have been in your situation. Don't make rash decisions, get yourself all the help and advice on offer.
Hello Coops2017,
Well done for joining the forum and posting here.
You've already received some helpful suggestions from your peers. I'd also encourage you to call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133, we are on the helpline and netline everyday 8am to midnight, and we can give you details of free local support near your area. You could invite your wife to call us too, if she wants to find out more about our free help, for example our free 1-2-1 appointments for emotional and motivational support.
Some of our forum users have posted positive feedback about using free professional debt advice services like the National Debtline 0808 808 4000, StepChange 0800 138 1111 or PayPlan 0800 280 2816. Others have posted about using Citizens Advice Bureau, local law centres, their union at work, or employee assistance programmes. Your wife could call us to discuss her concerns.
A possible source of support for you could be your GP, as you mentioned that you haven't eaten for a couple days as you've been feeling sick with anxiety and hopelessness.
Well done for communicating about your experience and please do continue to use support.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Just wanted to say how sorry I am to read your post. Your not alone, it’s like the bottom has fallen out of your world now but it will get better. You are stronger than you think.
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