Just read a few diaries and wanted to start a new one. Slot machines are not having any more of my precious time and hard earned money. For 8 years my life has been sliding down hill through gambling. No more!
Clock reset now!
Well said Jean. Have you put any friction in place between you and playing like blocks and accountability ?
@lp5vut869c Many times and many ways but always manage to find a way.
1 day no gambling
No urge to gamble today. Still so sick and angry at myself for money lost yesterday and cumulatively over 7 depraved years of slotting.
Gambling has hollowed out the potential of my retirement… the things I could have done, the places I could have been. I now have to live with the consequences of the money I have wasted.
Today i took a friend out for carvery lunch.
2 days no gambling
Spent the day with a friend celebrating her birthday. Pleasant so not had time to dwell on the guilt, shame and self anger.
i gave a £60 annual membership to a local attraction. Unlimited visits all year is such good value compared to how quickly a slots machine could gobble £60.
3 days no gambling.
The rawness of recent and cumulative losses less today. Still no thought of gambling because no money. I have realised that I have got into a pattern of burning through any ‘spare’ money I have as soon as I get it and topped up with savings. How did I turn into this financially reckless person?
Busy preparing for a couple of music events today.
4 days no gambling
Today is Tuesday - one of the days in the week when I would have the urge to go spend hours and £100’s on slot machines in the bingo hall. I did not go today.
Been busy preparing for an event tomorrow. I have fulfilling hobbies - I did not need gambling in my life. Now I’m determined to get it out of my life for good. I don’t need you!
Hi Jean
Did you use gambling to escape from any feelings or situations ? Do you know what made you gamble to start with ?
@lp5vut869c Hi Stuart, I’m sure there are reasons that could be explored. However the availability of time, money and access to slots have made this addiction spread like wildfire over 7 years.
Yesterday, 5 days no gambling
Big event related to my hobby and was focused on that until late. When home, I did have a couple of glasses of wine which, in past could easily trigger me to find a dodgy online casino that somehow bypasses blocking software. Didn’t do it. I am still feeling too sick and afraid of the person I could become should I not be able to stop. So much financial harm has been done.
6 days no gambling
still sick and angry at what gambling has done to me. No urge and looking forward to completing a full week of no gambling.
Hi Jean
First week is by far the hardest so 6 days is a really good number. I'm glad you are taking at the past because that's been the most difficult thing for me to draw a line against. It's so difficult not to dwell in the past or even try to look into the future. We all only have today, easier said than done but when they clicks it makes such a difference. Just concentrating on each set of 24 hours and dealing with that has really helped me.
7 days no gambling - one week
i have lived through 7 years of a self destructive slots addiction. Now 7 days no gambling. Still hurting thinking about the cold reality of what I have done.
Week 2 of recovery starts tomorrow.
@jeanydog Hi Jean
I can completely resonate with your thoughts exactly! “Money savvy” me, just like you, used hard earned salary/money that could have gone to so many better things in retirement. Left to wonder, “how did I even become that person”??? Gambling grips all sorts of people - even the most sensible.
I joined back here on 1st April 2024. I went over 470+ days before I had my first lapse in July last year. Then again in September after another gambling bout. The reason I am highlighting this is because I used a fair bit of money from selling my car that I hardly used and gambled with it instead of doing what I had planned to do with it to improve my financial situation even more. Never be fooled that if you use spare money you have, that you can double this etc. it just doesn’t end up like that for most of us on here.
Today I am 281 days further on from those last two lapses and I feel a better person for it 👌.
I look forward to following you on your journey.
Hope you have a lovely weekend.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Hi Jean
Keep going, you've got this. Have you got many barriers in place
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