Don't know what to do

If he had a broken leg would u help him ? This in some ways is no different it's as painful but shows no symptoms , stick it out he needs you

I would totally refute Post 2 above.

If he had a broken leg, it would be a short term inconvenience that would cause disruption for a few weeks. He'd have it set if need be, wear a plaster cast, use crutches, do his physio. The injury may well not have been self inflicted. And most importantly, it wouldn't be your leg that hurt if he refused to accept treatment. To the extent that an addiction resembles a broken leg (it doesn't), you're dealing with someone who long term won't accept help or treatment or do what it takes to help himself and who is severely damaging everyone around him along the way.

You didn't Cause the gambling, you can't Cure the gambling and you can't Control the gambling. Presumably you've tried but your OH is the person placing the bets and he's the only person who can stop placing the bets. You can't stop for him.

Not surprising that as things are, he's ruining your life but the best advice is to move the focus over to you. Why do you need to put up with the gambling and associated behaviour? Think about what you need and expect from an equal life partner and whether you're getting it. He needs you? There's something dysfunctional about that if it's so very unequal and takes no account of your needs. As you've found out, no magic formula exists to fix him or to save him from himself.

There's a quote from Hillel in Ethics of the Fathers which serves well as a formula for living with addiction. "If I am not for myself then who will be for me? If I am just for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" It applies to both of you.

You need targeted advice and support to cope with your problem, which is the effect that he's having on you. Read round the forum, call the Helpline, use the counselling that GC provide, find a GamAnon group, get RL support from trusted friends and family. Put your own interests first, protect yourself financially, look after you.

CW

Thankyou for your responses. He has spent the day at his dads so i tried to distract myself doing things round the house etc. It just kills me seeing him self destruct and knowing theres not a thing i can do to stop it 🙁

I think personally when it's the other way around and has been, as much as I don't want help or even speak to anyone about times where I have slipped up. I do genuinely need help from my other half. So I would say to make sure he knows you're there for him when he is ready. The worst thing for me is being "told off" or knowing the other person is dissapointed. So maybe point him towards this site because this site has helped me already and I am only into a week of recovery.

It's one thing for a toddler to seek to assert his independence from Mother and leave a mess behind. It's quite another for an adult and an equal life partner at that to show the same behaviour.

He has to fix him, you can't bang your head against a brick wall in the face of denials and rejection, you've tried and the result is chaos and drama. It's fine to help him but not in a dramatic and chaotic bid to save him from himself or to clear up his mess.

Keep the focus on you, your needs and your dreams and hopes. They matter and you matter. How he behaves towards you matters and whether he hurts you matters.

Look after you.

CW

Great advice from CW as always. I think the expression "slipped up" is an understatement for many gamblers - the consequences of a one weekend, one day, one evening, one hour binge can be devastating. I've metaphorically beat my self with a stick AND deserved to be "told off" to put it mildly - from the FIRST day I accepted and admitted I had a major problem with horse racing. A year on and I know I am still in the process of regaining the trust of my wife but ​I am completely open and honest with her on a day to day basis regarding gambling. As CW says put yourself first - you can't help a CG who doesn't want to help themselves. Best wishes, Phil.