Husband is cg. He has attended some treatment things appear to be on track. I have allowed control to slip slightly as I've relaxed. Complete idiot I know but I'm bored of gaining a child to babysit.
Whilst financially I have no concerns yet that there is any gambling again and I'm going to try and confirm this tonight by checking accounts which I expect will go down a dream (not!!) And what do you expect etc I'm growing suspicious because of his treatment towards me.
Typically when he gambles this weird emotional abuse starts in the background towards me. The type that makes you constantly think you are crazy. There is no violence just constant bizzare arguements and twists on realities. Have other partners found similar? I have no doubt that he believes he is right in all he says to me and he comes a bit delusional unless I'm the delusional one? It's hard to make sense of but basically it's very uncomfortable and it's controlling in nature. In fact my dad raised concerns that his attitude and behaviour with me was controlling last week. The cg is big secret!! Standard I know! Little things like what we watch on TV become big things. The other evening I ended up sitting watching nothing while he looked on his phone as the fuss over what I wanted to watch was too extreme.
The other issue I'm having is he expects me to be a little gushing wife but I'm not and I can't be because of how he has behaved. In fact I've become the polar opposite. I have to work my a**e off to support our family and deal with his issue, I get little recognition or thanks and most household chores and childcare also still all come under my umbrella. I think he's a bit of a useless t**t in all honesty yet he is constantly offended I'm not worshiping him!
This has become a bit of a rant sorry in short I was interested to hear if other partners find emotional pointers/abuse in behaviour and if they link to/are signs of relaps? Doubt I'll be going another round If that is the case. I'll save the heartache. God who am I now?? I'm not the kind person I use to be that's for sure.
Hi, BiS,
Short answer: yes. Being brought to doubt my own judgement and sanity was the worst aspect of it. Everyone needs some sort of basis or grounding in reality and when the CG has you in a Kafka-type fog, it's abusive.
If you think that there's a change back to behaviour that you recognise, you're almost certainly right. Ignore your instinct at your peril. It's possible and very common for unimagined damage to be done behind your back, via accounts, loans and credit cards that you weren't informed of. Can you get up to date credit reports so that you know what's what? You can't trust him and a CG in recovery would accept that.
My husband didn't change back but the addict projected blame, self pity etc continued for a good while after he stopped - dry drunk. He's better than he was but still got plenty of hang ups and foibles and his relationship with money remains dysfunctional.
Have you been able to get to GamAnon meetings or counselling?
Look after you.
CW
I am from the other side of the fence and am a CG but not active as we speak, I was guilty of a lot of the points you have concerns over, I’m not sure if I meant to I think it was a defensive mechanism and a way of deflecting the attention away from the real issue of the gambling. I can only echo the above look into the financials asap, if he has nothing to hide he won’t mind proving it.
KTF
Hi Bark, that's pretty much what I was just saying on my diary! I'm a CG in recovery & I'm not a very nice person to live with @ the moment...Like the little girl with the curl 🙁
I'd like to think I'm not being quite so unreasonable but that's just the addict in me! For what it's worth, my behaviour isn't because I've relapsed, it's because I've not got a grip on how to move forwards. If hubby were to challenge it, I would argue & wail & he knows better than to try & make me watch anything I don't want to! I'm definitely a useless bleep & no better than a 2 year old as far as the telly is concerned but I may have always been this bloody minded. What wouldn't be an issue though would be him asking about my gambling. He has let it slip & I understand why but because I need him to know this is always in me, him checking on the accounts & telling me he is giving me time to do 'your thing' (GamCare) is a safety blanket for me!
Deffo trust your instincts & as much as you may not want to, do check the finances. It most certainly is emotional abuse, if you haven't already, try & get some physical support & look after you - ODAAT
Yes wanted to say thank you for all your comments! It all helps in this lonely little bubble of confusion xx
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