Hi, I've been with my partner for nearly 6 years and the past 4 to 5 he has had a gambling problem. We've been living together for 6 months now and for 4 months he hadn't gambled.
Monday he came home and said he had fraud on his debit card straight away I didn't believe him. He kept saying it wasn't him and that no one believed him, I gave him lots of chances to tell me the truth and he kept saying it wasn't him. Today I eventually got the truth out of him and he has been gambling again. This time he's got cash out and has gone to bookies on his lunch break.
I know it's an addiction but all my trust for him has gone. In 2 weeks i am going away for 6 weeks and I really don't feel like I can leave him alone. I am worried for him and worried financially. We are also in the middle of renewing our tenancy but I don't feel like I can. I don't want to leave him as I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've supported him through it all and helped everywhere I can, but I feel there is nothing more I can do as it keeps happening. We've tried counselling, gamblers anonymous, we have blocks on the computer and I have his credit cards, but he always finds a way.
I really don't know what to do anymore and how much more I can take, any advice would be most appreciated.
Hi natnat,
Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you've put up with a lot of stress for a long time now, and I hope you're finding at least a bit of support here in these pages.
At this point it really sounds like you need to focus on yourself and what it will take for you to feel happy and peaceful. I can see in your post that you've done your best to support him over the years, and you've tried all kinds of strategies. Your partner's recovery will ultimately be up to him, and how much he wants to stop gambling. There is always a way forward, but a lot of it depends on how determined a person is to quit. There really isn't anything else you yourself can do at this point. It's understandable that you feel like your trust for him is gone, and it's really up to him to earn that back through time and his actions.
We'd be happy to speak with you about any of this, and give you some support if you need. I hope you've got some people that you can talk things through with, and we might be able to help you get some perspective as well. We're reachable on the Helpline (0808 8020 133) or the Netline ( http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline/ ) from 8am to midnight every day.
Don't neglect yourself, natnat. You deserve to have an enjoyable life, too, without too much additional stress. I hope you can achieve that.
Let us know if we can help,
Travis
Thank you for your reply, i do find posts on here helpful.
It's very difficult as I know its up to him to help himself, we've just been here so many times now and he always feel ashamed and guilty after but I don't think he ever thinks how I feel. I don't feel myself anymore and am just stuck, I want our relationship to work and I've tried so hard. I know it's up to him and he has to help himself, I just can't see it ever happening at this moment in time. He's had the last 2 days off work and is just moping around.
Thank you for your help, I do have friends I talk to and this is very helpful too.
Stopping gambling is tough to do. I dont have alot of anwers and i'm dealing with a gambling problem myself. Hope all works out for you, Disco
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