Well I find myself back here again after yet again more failed promises.Gambling addiction has always been part of my husbands life so in turn guess it is part of mine!We separate we get back together,this time was different...so I thought!it wasn't just a weekend apart but 6 weeks of total misery because of those horrible roulette machines.we actually got to speak face to face again on Sunday and felt we were getting somewhere until he made it perfectly clear that although he was NEVER going to play the machines again he wasn't willing to stop playing the lotto or doing his football coupons as he enjoyed it and he could easily go into a betting shop,do his coupons and walk out!from past experience I know that although yes he probably could,the temptation just to put a couple of pound in is very powerful,to me if it's £3 or £500 it's still an addiction...to him it's not a problem.Even after losing his wife and family I know the machines will ALWAYS win.i know he was playing on them last night although so far have not confronted him about it...WHY??Because I'm scared he will deny it or scared he will admit it?Either way I'm more confused than ever.To even think about starting again and getting our marriage back on track there had to be trust and right now I feel like yet again I've been lied to.Have spoken to a lady at Gamcare this morning who was amazing but still no nearer to answering the question Do I confront him or am I going to push him even further away?Any advise would be gratefully appreciated.
Very difficult to give advice because i don't know you or how your husband would react to said advice
im a gambler who thinks can sometimes still do the lottery or football bets but i know its a gate way to me saying 'well i can control that i can go back to the bingo and casino bets now'
I try and be as honest with my family as I can, i now attend GA meetings again and am going to start counseling.
Is this something your husband would consider? Does he want help?
Could you get help together? Could gamcare help with this?
He won't consider going to meetings at the minute because he doesn't believe he has a problem.He thinks because he doesn't do it everyday it's not a problem but can go in at any random time to do a coupon and leave £400 lighter!its all about TRUST and how many times that trust and promises to abstain are broken.This has been going on for years.if I take over the finances Im treating him like a child,if I ask if he has been in the bookies..I'm checking up on him,if I ask him to totally stay away from the bookies I'm depriving him of the fun he has doing his coupons after a long week at work.its a never ending circle of lies.im at my wits end with the whole thing...I know it is an addiction but it drains the life out of everything.
its not easy for anyone kate and even though its his addiction it does affect so many others family and friends
im sure a family member will come on soon and give some support
just so you know there is hope if a person admits they have a problem and really want to change
if not maybe you need to look after yourself and make sure his addiction doesn't bring you down
all the best triangle
I think unless someone wants to stop they won't. my husband destroyed my world by telling me he had lost everything he had about 9 months ago and been lying to me for years. In the process we had said our vows in front of friends and family and i had given birth to his daugther while not knowing who I was in a relationship with. i stupidly trusted him completely. I don;t buy into the addiction thing and was given a different perspective on it by my counsellor......she said another way to view it is that it is a fix to a problem. They are insecure, they gamble, they have a row at work, they gamble and knowing mt husband as I do this makes much more sense to me.. I struggled to see if as an addiction from the word go so was pleased to have this backed up. I think these people have to want to stop, and have to want to seek help. If they want to stop they will and if they don't they will drag people down time and again. My husband and I may not even have a future, but we will always have a tie. The way I see it. he bets again I will never speak to him again and his contact with our daugther will be at a contact centre. Does this make me bitter? Probably. But then that's what happens when you love and marry a gambler who is so good at lying you don;t even see it coming. good luck and I hope he comes good. Mine is trying, but it's whether I can put it aside and move on that's what time will tell. as he tells me he can't erase the past, and as I tell him, I can;t change my feelings.
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