I use creamer in my coffee as well. Just creamer. Nothing else. I used to use sugar too, but it was one of my sacrifices for the "making healthier choices" lifestyle that I've embraced. I can't beat this weight thing over night. But I can make small changes that will hopefully add up over time. Like walking the cart back to the corral at the grocery store, instead of pushing it into a parking spot or out of the way for one of the employees to gather it when they come outside for cart collection, or choosing no bun when I have a cheeseburger or hotdog, and now - skipping he tablespoon of sugar in my large mug of coffee. I feel like I've made a zillion little changes and kept up on them, but apparently, not enough to see any real progress. I'm going to have to start working on the hard stuff one of these days. ughhh....
Yeah, I think you should study the pumpkin plant. lol I feel like a surplus of watermelon could be disastrous! I'm pretty sure that the pumpkin pie recipe would be a complete failure if you tried it with watermelon. And my front porch would look really funny with a bunch of watermelons with faces carved in them for the Halloween holiday. lol Next year it is. 🙂
Haha! You're in the "5 minutes late is still on time" club too!!! At my office, my assistant knows not to even bother showing up early. She will find herself sitting in the parking lot waiting....until around 5 after for me to arrive. lol It's the candy crush addiction I tell you! I will intentionally be late for work if I've got a good game going!! lol It's terrible, but I can't get enough of that game. Thankfully, it doesn't cost me anything. Well, except time with family, getting to work on time, and morning productivity around the house. lol
What did you end up going to see? Thumbs up or down? I'm a movie buff, so I'm always looking for a good one to see. I hope you had a good time out. Sounds like you need some positive reinforcement to prepare you for your overnight guest :P You'll survive it, I'm sure of it. Just focus on the fact that every minute that passes is a minute closer to her exit! lol Maybe she comes bearing good tidings of great joy! Maybe she's decided to give you a beautiful penthouse suite in the city with everything you could ever want in a flat, including a beautiful garden, planted on the private roof, that the grounds keepers maintain. All you'd have to do is watch you pumpkins grow as you sit in a hammock all day and read books 🙂
I went to the high school football (US football, not soccer) game yesterday and had a blast watching the kids. We are crazy for our high school football games in our area. You would think it was a NFL game. I hardly have any voice left from screaming and cheering. I went with my son. Both of my sons played when they were in high school, and were team captains. I was a Super Team Mom! So I learned to love the sport and what it does for the teenagers who play it. The discipline and molding that takes place to create a good football player is amazing. My sons started football just as I was divorcing my ex husband, and the ex decided to abandon them as well. So the coaches and the sport became the "man" in their world to teach them how to be young men. Football helped mold my sons into respectable, driven young men. I am grateful for that! After the game, I treated my son to a nice late night dinner out. I enjoyed a steak and potatoes and he had a GIANT cheeseburger and fries. I love to get them out alone like that to connect with them. We had some really good conversation. He was going on and on about how proud he has always been of how hard I worked for him and his brother after the divorce, and how he defends me to the old mutual friends that I had with my ex, who now aren't in my life. He said it's important to him that they know, it wasn't my mom's fault - it was my dads. His dad is active in his life now, Thank God! There is no greater pain than having a parent turn their back on you as a child. I know that all too well. So, I'm glad that they are all better. But it was 5 good years of just me and my boys. I was working from waking until sleeping hours. Much of which, I don't even remember. It was all a blur. But when my son tells me how proud he is of me as a mom and what my sacrifice means to him - it's all worth it! Sorry....I got way off track there...... I had a GREAT Friday night with my son at the football game! lol That's all I meant to say! lol
Time to get started on my Saturday. I don't really have anything important to do. He was mandated to work today, so date day is going to have to be tomorrow. Guess I'll just be lazy. I think that's a good idea! My oldest son called yesterday to tell me that he will be moving back to town. His job on the railroad no longer needs him across the country, so he will be back at his house on Monday, for good. Which means my youngest son, and my niece will be packing up their things and moving back here. My fiance didn't like that news very much. But he knew when he came into this relationship that I was a package deal. My sons come first, and my nieces got a raw deal in life, so I could never abandon them to having nowhere to go. Their parents (my sister and their father) are full blown drug addicts who have ruined their own lives. I can't allow my nieces to suffer any more than the reality of their parents causes them. her big sister enlisted in the army at 18, so she is taking care of herself. I will help this one get on her feet and get a good start in life too. Hell, I've raised her. She's more of a daughter than a niece anyway. But - they were both out of my house since February of this year, so it's been nice having just the fiance and I here. Well, the family is going back to the way we were before and that makes me happy! So he'll have to get over it! I do think I need a break before it hits though! lol
Have a great Saturday. I look forward to hearing all of the wonderful details of the sil visit....hahahaha! Keep your chin up champ! You can do this!!! lol
Be blessed!
Flat shopping on a Sunday. That sounds like the makings of a catchy song. lol I bet you could write a very entertaining verse or two! lol
When visiting the sil, just remember, she could be asking to come and live with you...and you'll feel better about the visit :P
I'm so sorry that you don't have a close relationship with your family. But I'm not so sure if that's the right sentiment. I'm not so sure that effects you negatively. I have the exact opposite with my family and can't imagine it any other way, so it makes me sad that you don't have it. But if this is the best arrangement for you in your ideal life, then who am I to think it's not perfect for you? I hope it is. I hope that it's not you desiring to have a close relationship and don't. I know that would suck bad! You deserve happiness, in whatever form that may be!
Trust me, the no bun thing is a tough adjustment! Taking a cheeseburger or hotdog and making it a knife and fork meal, instead of a dripping down your arm, wide mouth opening, delicious bite from your hands is tough! I still slip up and eat buns sometimes. Like if we go to a takeout restaurant, I eat the bun 🙂 I cooked hotdogs yesterday and I ate the buns! They were delicious too! I made the hotdogs and the onion rings in my air fryer and they were amazing! The hotdogs came out like they had been fried in oil, but not! They were casing franks, so the skin got very crispy and delicious! Put them on a bun, and it's like a gourmet meal! lol
So he hit a small amount on Friday. It was $290 US. Enough to pay half of his cc debt off and take care of a bill or 2. That was his plan anyway. Instead, he blew it. And so the cycle continues. I HATE when he wins any money! It feeds his fire. So, rather than allow myself to stress about it, I just haven't concerned myself with it at all. Neither celebrating nor nagging. I just don't respond. He really does try very hard to include me in his mess. He really does try to pull me in so that I will harp on him and make myself crazy worrying. I think it's bs! When he did start dumping his "Oh look what happened, yay me"! stuff, I simply replied: "2 months ago, you said I needed to work on my own happiness, and you were going to work to get better, for us". "As of right now, you have bigger debt, and less cash on hand than ever, including 2 months ago". "So, who's doing the hard work here? Where is your progress or change"? And I was done with the conversation. I don't want to be drug into the pit with him anymore. I'm a fixer. As soon as I get down there with him, I try to think of ways to fix him, and us. I'd rather not. If it's to succeed, it will. If it's to fail, it will. I realize that now. I just have to work on my world. If he stays in it and gets better, yay! If he gets worse and doesn't stay, I need to keep my best foot forward for the journey. Focus!
I went to the store yesterday. Yes, I actually walked into a store! I did look on Amazon 1st though, and realized that ceiling fans are probably something I should look at up close and personal. So I did! I bought 2 new fans with light fixtures to mount to my ceilings and get rid of the overhead lights that are so very old in my house. Now I'm praying that I can wire them right, and not burn my house down. lol I think I've googled enough videos to be educated on it. I can do it! I once (actually like 3 times) used google and youtube videos to repair my washer and dryer! I replaced a moter and a seal in the washer, and the dryer heater core. I also installed 2 new light switches using google and youtube! I've correctly diagnosed 3 of my nieces car issues using it too! lol Who needs to hire professionals - just youtube it! Heck, who needs school, or training, just youtube it! lol Just joking, I don't profess to be a pro and I certainly wouldn't do a lot of things that need done. But when I can "do-it-yourself" a project and save hundreds of dollars, I'm going to try it! lol
Ice Hockey over Football??!!! I believe we have reached an impass here..... You don't like football??!!! I would have rather learned that you didn't know what it was!!!! Oh the agony of this knowledge to my soul.... lol We have a lot of ice hockey fans here too. My friends from the upper northern part of the US LOVE ice hockey. They are constantly posting pictures of themselves at the games. My sons watch it, but more for the fighting and teeth getting busted out portion than for the actual sport of it, I think. lol If I'm being honest, I don't really care for the NFL much either. I'd rather not have my television filled with sports all weekend. I am a super fan of any sport my sons play. That's what I am, actually. So, Friday nights under the lights watching the high school kids play football with my sons. Cheering for our alma matter (I graduated from the same school) and bonding with my sons is probably the draw for me.
Was/is your step father a good man? I hope he is good to you and your siblings. My mom never remarried. I think it was because of us. We made her life hell when she would try to talk to someone else. We chased every one of them away. Until the point where she just accepted that she couldn't have a boyfriend. She just committed her life to us. I regret being that thorn in her side when she was trying to find a good man. She deserved to be cared for and loved by a good partner. We messed that up for her. So, since you don't have a close relationship with your family, who is your confidant? Who is your secret keeper? Who is your person that will love and support you no matter what? My mom was that for me. When she passed away, I lost that. I miss it dearly. I treasured her. I do hope you have known/or know that kind of relationship in your life. It doesn't have to be your parent or siblings, but I hope you have someone that you can run to with anything, who will just drop everything and support you, right or wrong. We all should know that feeling.
I feel like you bring a special light to the world. One that deserves to shine brightly! Your view of the world is quirky and fun 🙂 I hope that those people in your life appreciate that about you. I do!
Time to start calling my son and bothering him non-stop until he comes over with the ladder that I need to install these ceiling fans. I can be a real bother when I want to! Plus, my oldest son is moving back tomorrow! So, my youngest will be moving back home today. We are so happy to have my oldest home again! It's been 7 months! It's bittersweet though, since he has to leave the girl that he met and fell in love with there. The state he was living in is 12 hours away from us. She told him that she would quit her job and relocate here with him, since he wants to make her his wife. But she is putting in a 1 month notice to her job. I'm not sure that's her actual plan. She may be just trying to put some time and space between them to make breaking up with him easier. Time will tell. Either way, I'm glad he's home. I hope he realizes that he needs to be near his family and doesn't decide to pack up and leave us to live there if she decides she's not moving here. I would just die! I can't imagine my baby living that far away from me permanently. Let alone, the grandchildren they will have for me will be raised on the other side of the country 🙁 I don't even want to entertain those thoughts....CEILING FANS!
I'm going to get busy on my handywoman jobs. Time to bug my son! Have a good visit with the inlaws. Remember, she could be coming to live with you. An afternoon at the inlaws with her is a piece of cake! lol
Be blessed!
You have got to figure out how to get more sleep at night! That little sleep can't be good for your body, or your mind. That makes me sad that you're running on a few hours of sleep everyday. I'd be a lazy, non-productive piece of dirt if that were me. I need at least 7-8 good hours, and then sometimes find myself wanting to get a nap (rarely, but sometimes). You know, doing that for too long can cause you become physically sick too. Maybe try having a shot of liquor or a mixed drink before bed (a hot toddy tea perhaps). Sounds like you're going to need to be in tip-top shape mentally and physically for the new flat renovations.....lol You are so tolerant! He is so blessed.
Your sil sounds just like my sister (I only have 1 sister and 1 brother btw) and her youngest daughter. Everything and everyone in this world is against her. She is a survivor of everyone and everything trying to destroy her or make her fail. Every failure in her world is someone else's fault. It's exhausting! My niece tries to pull that stuff with me, and I will stop her in mid-meltdown to give her a reality check. "Stop that boohooing...Poor me, Oh why me? c**P!" Life is unfair sometimes. Suck it up, figure out your plan, and stick to your guns. Fight through the hard times, and celebrate your victories. But most of all, don't forget to reflect on YOUR OWN fault in this failed (whatever it is today)!!! We all wish life were easy and that we could have everything that we desire. But the truth is, hard work and sacrifice come in to play. Both of which, neither my sister or her daughter are willing to do! lol I was never fortunate enough to have someone else to blame if things went bad. I had no one to call to dig me out of the pit. My mother was poor. My father was absent. I was the oldest, so I had no siblings to call on. Well, when we were younger that is. I can call on my brother now that he's grown and established. But probably never would. I have always been a survivor. I have to make the hard choices and do the extra work to assure that me and mine will be ok. But isn't that what we're supposed to do? Not that constant babbling about how unfair and unkind the world is?! My favorite phrase is "Suck it up Buttercup!" That's the response for all of the crybabies in my life. lol I'm glad you had a good visit otherwise though.
No, I was not implying that your step dad was violent. I was simply asking if he was a good man to your mom and her children. Your reply told me the answer. Ughh...there's nothing worse than a power hungry, verbally abusive man. My father was that man, in addition to a physically abusive a******! He was a monster. Just evil!
I'm glad that you're happy with the relationship of you and your family. That's all that matters. We all have our journeys and different ideas of happiness. I couldn't be without my family on a regular basis. But that doesn't make either of us right or wrong. Whatever makes you happy is good. It is just strange to someone like me who is close to mine. Probably the same reason your partner tries to encourage you to be closer with yours, he just doesn't get it. Kind of like the fact that you don't eat delicious, sweet, fluffy whipped topping....that just doesn't make any sense to me! lol To each their own though, right?!
Yep, I've given up any bit of hope for him to get help. I'm only fooling myself. Him winning that money was a complete reset for him. So, in the end the only person that worked on anything was me, of course. But hey, when he finds himself out of my life and me moved on and happy, maybe then he'll realize what he had to lose. He's a CG in the worst way. He's even gambling on our relationship and how far he can push me before I break. He's gambling on whether his gambling will end us or not. He doesn't even see that though I don't stress him about his gambling, and we're arguing much less, my resentment and disdain for him continue to grow. There will come a day when I'm tired. Once I've become tired, I will walk and never look back. That's who I am. He's betting it all on red, so to speak. But the house always wins! Why can't he understand that?! grrrrr.....
My ceiling fans look amazing! But what should have been a 2 hour job turned into a 7 hour job! This house is SO OLD that the wiring is not what you'd expect when you get into the ceiling and walls. So, we had mounting issues, wiring issues, power issues, remote control issues, and I had 2 men (my son and fiance) who could only help in shifts, because it was football Sunday. How dare I plan this project on football Sunday?!! What was I thinking?!! So I just kept punching along, and guilted them into helping :P In my world, it was a perfect day to do it. It was our postponed date day, so I didn't have to cook dinner (he bought). The house is clean from my vacation, so all I had to do was sit around. Good day to do a DIY project to improve my home! And boy did they improve it! They look (and feel) amazing! Now, I just need to keep my fingers crossed and my nose operating good to smell any smoke or burning plastic, just incase I screwed something up...lol I'm sure I didn't.....I think....(sniff, sniff)
This is such a weird morning. Today is the first day of my new schedule. At the request of our main funding agency, my business is now opening from 1pm-7pm on Mondays. So we offer an evening once per week. Apparently, there's a population of people I may be missing who work daytime hours....we shall see. So my alarm went off this morning and here I am wide awake. I think I'll enjoy this though. 1:00 is the time I find myself ready to get motivated on my days off. It extends my already long 3 day weekend to almost a 4 day weekend. I'll go into work more motivated and ready for the day. This could be a good thing.
So my oldest son called yesterday to check in and we talked about him moving back to town. I told him that if that girl decides to relocate for him, she's probably the one he should marry. He said if she does, that we should start saving for a trip to Italy. He said that they've already talked about it (nothing official or anything) and they will go to Italy to be married with just their closest family members. Then they will return to the states to have a hog roast for their reception. It's so funny that he wants that for his wedding. It perfectly fits his genetic makeup. His father is Italian and I am Hillbilly Redneck (slang term for country folk). So the perfect wedding for his Italian side is Italy, and the perfect reception for his hillbilly side is a hog roast. lol Incase you don't know what a hog roast is, it's where we take a whole hog, gut it, and slow roast it on a spit, outside, for hours and hours. Then you just cut into the hog and eat a chunk. DELICIOUS! I've probably just spoiled your appetite for the day, sorry. lol Along with the hog, you have lots of sides like corn on the cob, vegetables, casseroles, breads, and LOTS OF BEER. Usually on a farm with the shelter for the party being a big red barn. But the party is an outside party for sure. It's a really fun time! So, I may be needing that passport afterall. I may be able to check one of those items off of my bucket list and go to Italy <3 But first, I need this girl to be a good option for him to marry. She better be!
I think you're just going to have to break down and make the pumpkin pie! That may be your million dollar business there! If you don't see them there, then they will be new to your area. They may be a huge hit and you can quit your job and just stay home and bake pies all day and make lots and lots of money! lol Then people all over will think of you everytime they see a pumpkin! I have your slogan - "Jana pumpkin pie?" If I'm pronouncing your name right (YAH-na), then it sounds like "You want a pumpkin pie?" Just slurred a bit as if you
were drunk...lol There, I've come up with the product, and the slogan. Remember, don't forget me when you make it to the rich club! lol
Time to get motivated. Coffee is gone, I've typed you a book to read, and there are candies just waiting to be crushed! I hope you have a great week. Mondays always suck. But on the bright side, by the time you read this, yours will be almost over!
Be blessed!
Oh Blue...I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that those feelings found their way back into your mind 🙁 You did well though! You remained poised and focused on the bad that was attached to that machine. Good job! That story could have gone WAY different. Don't beat yourself up. You did great. I understand that frustration, especially when he doesn't understand what he's doing by involving you in it. That's the secret coming out to remind you it's still there....but that's for you to deal with on your own time. I'm not pushing or judging.
And all of your random thoughts belong here! We are sharing and supporting. No need to censor your thoughts (only your swearing lol). I'd hate to get kicked out and lose touch with you! How would I ever be able to enjoy my morning coffee again??!!! It would be tragic!!!
Excuses....hmmmm.....I've grown quite fond of this flat. This flat makes me feel closer to you. We've built a home here. It makes me so sad to think of not waking up in this flat ever again. I'm afraid that starting over somewhere else could drive a wedge between us. Just a few ideas for you....lol
Ohpp...I have to close. My oldest son is home 🙂 He just walked in the door. I'll get back to you soon. Have a great day my friend!
Be blessed!
Haha! So kind of you to offer the au-pair a drink after the laundry is finished. lol You really are such a sweetheart. lol
Maybe the new flat will be a wonderful place. I'm not a fan of change either. But I do find that most of the time it brings good things. It's just getting through the whole "changing" part that's hard.
You're right, I was confused by your taxing system. So were you saying that because you make less, they take more of your pay for taxes, and because he makes more, they take less of his? And I've forgotten where the keys are on my keyboard to make that euro sign...lol No time to google this morning - got a late start.
Yep, my house would drive you insane! Most people have been instructed to just walk in. If they are family, they don't need to knock. And none of them call before arriving. They just show up. The only time it becomes troubling for me is if we are about to have dinner and I haven't prepared enough to offer them a plate. Then I am anxious because I won't eat in front of them, and my whole dinner will sit in the kitchen getting cold while they visit, or I end up splitting my meal to accomodate them. Fat girls do not like to share our food! lol
Allergic to iceburg lettuce? That's a strange one. It's all water. there's really nothing to it. hmm....I have to admit, I probably would have laughed my head off if I'd have seen her. I have a terrible nack for laughing at people's misfortunes. Even when I know it has to hurt...like the accidental falling....cracks me right up! Poor girl. (snicker, snicker)
I just had to change a load. My youngest moved back home with 3 trashbags full of dirty laundry! My entire washer and dryer are packed full of clothes. He assumes that putting the clothes into the machines is the final step of doing his own laundry. He has a rude awakening coming when he gets off work today! I want every stitch of those clothes on hangers and hung where they go. The one thing I did enjoy when they were at my oldest son's house for the past 8 months is not having to do the extra Mommy stuff. Then I realized - HE IS 22 YEARS OLD. He can do his own d**n laundry - he's managed for 8 months to get it done! Rules changed in my house that moment! I told him, listen kid - it's time to grow up and make yourself an asset to me when here, not a burden. If it needs done - do it! Don't wait for me to ask for help. Period! We'll see how that goes...
I was so angry yesterday! I got home from work and the ceiling fan in the livingroom had stopped working! I had to take the entire thing apart and rewire it and rehang it. As if the 3 times each I had done this with the 2 fans on Sunday weren't enough! I was furious!! But it's working again. Thank God!
Well I hate to be short again, but I've had a really late start to my day and must get moving. I hope you have a great day. DON'T FORGET THAT CREDIT REPORT! lol
Be blessed!
You build chairs too?! We are quite a pair, you and I! We are DIY experts! But, for me, only if I can youtube the video of someone else doing it! And I'm also one to follow those instructions step....by.....step. No shortcuts, no guessing, follow those steps! lol It drives the men in my house bonkers to build things with me. You know, men think there's always an easier way to build things. You don't need those stupid instructions! It's ok if there are spare pieces when you're done! The manufacture meant for that to happen.....ughhhh!
I'm pretty busy today too. I feel like this has been the longest work week ever! I think its the hours change on Mondays. It feels like I've not stopped go, go, going. And we have our Recovery Walk on Saturday. I do look forward to it, but having to wake up at 7:00am on Saturday to have enough time to drink my coffee and get to the walk by 8:30 sucks! It'll be an even longer week after doing that! But its an awesome event. Its the community gathering to celebrate those people who are successfully living in recovery with mental illness or drug/alcohol addiction. We have a short walk to a park and then a rally where everyone celebrates and local dignitaries speak, and the directors of the agencies (like me) take the microphone and tell the community about our services and how proud we are to represent the success of our services. It's fun! They do a balloon (biodegradable balloons) release for those who we've lost in the battle for recovery. Then they do a count-down. This is where they ask who has 60+ years sober. That person (or people) will raise their hand. They will determine who has the highest amount of years based on who raises their hands for 60+. Then they start counting down from that highest number and asking people who has 50, 49, 48 etc. until they reach the person who has 1 day, or 1 hour sober. Then the person with the longest time offers the person with the shortest time advice, to attend an Alcoholics/Addicts Annonymous meeting with them, and the 12-steps to recovery book, also known as The Big Book. It's a very popular self-help, peer support book for those who are trying to get clean and sober and stay that way. Do you know of the 12-step program there? Its a very powerful event. It touches alot of people. We spend alot of time focusing on all of the losses. And right now, in America, heroin is killing our people by the truckloads everyday. It's terrible! Suicide is another one that is wiping us out, on the mental illness side. So taking a break from all of the doom and gloom to celebrate those who are fighting to not be another statistic is very moving!
Wow! I get started talking about recovery and mental illness and get lost rambling on and on. Sorry!
So your partner is about to break into the millionair's club! Getting rich off of the game he created! Yay for him! Don't forget your long lost poor friend in the US when you hit the big time! Is the game available in the US? Is it a board game or an electronic game? What's it called? I'll buy a copy and support your millionair status!
Well, time to crush my candy and get ready for my day full of adventure and fun....not. lol Work calls. I must answer. lol
Don't forget to stop and smile in the middle of all of the chaos of your busy day! 🙂
Be blessed!
Howdy ladies, just thought I’d drop by with a link for you...I have no idea if it will work but this Sister Bea my all time favourite addiction speaker, giving an hour long therapy & she is amazing! I’m working the 12 Steps (veeeerrryyy slooooowly) but I need this program because with gambling I’m heading for destruction & without gambling I didn’t know how to function...Today, I still make dumb choices but my body & my mind is calm thanks to the program & people I have met like your goodselves in recovery.
ODAAT thanks for the link. I'll listen to it when I get finished here. Thanks for the kind words too. We are just a couple of people who found a connection (that I am so grateful for btw) and check in on one another to encourage a smile or positive thoughts. Plus, we like to type a lot of nonsense, which we both enjoy reading as well. lol It's amazing how just having that connection helps to keep things in focus for me. I'm blessed to have found Blue! I appreciate everyone on the forums. They all bring enlightenment and support to the page. Funny, I had to reach across the world to find it!
Blue, I'm not the quiet one who walks away. I'm the one in the middle of the room screaming at the top of my lungs, calling the chair and the partner names! lol I get so frustrated with him! And that half***ed aproach must be something men do. If its "sort of" working correctly, that's good enough. If it has a bit of lean, that's ok too. lol Sends me through the roof! That's how the ceiling fans were taken apart and put back together 3 times each! I refuse to just say "ahhh, that's good enough". The one thing my monster of a father did beat into my head is "if you're going to do it, do it right, or don't do it at all"! Now my partner, and my sons get the back end of that determination....lol They all just kind of step back, red-faced, grumbling under their breaths and let me rant and rave until I'm quiet, then return to helping me. lol I am a bear when it comes to things like that!
I'm off today, so I'm going to just do nothing, well, except I have to pick up the groceries. I signed on late today to post, because I was busy clicking away online for my grocery order. Exhausting....lol I've become so spoiled to the online shopping, and pick up at the store, that I complain about it taking too long to click on all of my groceries now....wow! lol
I'm having a bad time with him lately! He has his cc balance up higher than ever. He continues to come in the house with things he's "purchased". But knowing him the way I do, he is going to the store to CHARGE sweets for his "sweet tooth", but it's actually his excuse to pull the cc out. Once he pulls it out, it's ok to stop and CHARGE $30, $50 in gambling. And since he hit last week, he's on this high that I can't bring him down from. It makes me so sad to watch him do this to himself. His pit continues to grow deeper. I wish I could bring rock bottom up to meet him! I feel like him losing me and finding himself back where he started when we met is going to be his bottom. Then again, maybe even that isn't enough. It feels like watching someone you love in water drowning. He keeps dipping under the water and I can't get to him to save him. How many times will he go under before he stays under :'( And here I am trying to focus on myself and learn to find happiness around that. It's very difficult! I love him very much and want only good in his world. It sucks!
White and coffee flavored chocolate?! He got that on clearance somewhere! It had to have been the cheaper version of what was availabe, since there's no women in the world that would prefer that over good ole fashioned chocolate - chocolate! Are there?! Nah!!! I say no! Poor wife of his...she's probably so tired of pretending to enjoy his gifts. lol He needs a confidant like me, I'd tell him! LISTEN BUD, THAT IS NOT WHAT WE LIKE! STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY ON THE JUNK CHOCOLATE AND GET THE GOOD STUFF! lol
Haha! I found it! Is it in a box so small that it will fit in your pocket?! The page I found says that its still in production or something and you have to sign up and pledge for a chance to get it at release. I love that the I in epic is dotted with an eyeball. lol
I suppose I will go try to listen to the link now. Maybe he will hear it, since he just woke up. Maybe it will inspire him! Probably not, but a girl can dream right!
I hope you have a fabulous weekend Blue! I'm sure I'll get on and tell you all about mine!
Be blessed!
Good for you! 12 hours of sleep! See, you can push your body and not sleep, but when it's had enough - it WILL rest. So glad you got to catch up! I too am a bit pressed for time this morning. I have the walk in about an hour and a half, and still have to load my table and information to the park where we will end the walk, so people can visit my table and learn more about my agency.
I had to say - o*g! That Bea was the most hilarious woman I have ever listened to!!! I was cracking up, home all alone just laughing and laughing. But then she had me crying. She is AMAZING! She is absolutely doing what God called her to do. She is inspiring, motivating, and uplifting. I loved every second of it! I would definitely go see her on a tour of the US!
I'm going to guzzle this coffee down and head out for the busy morning. I hope you have a great day! I had pizza on Friday too. It was delicious! But that's nothing new around here. In addition to his addiction to gambling, my partner is also addicted to pizza! He orders pizza in probably twice a week and bakes the frozen kind at home probably 3 days a week (even if he eats dinner that I also cook regularly). So, for me, it has to be REALLY good pizza for me to be impressed. I'm so tired of eating pizza all of the time ( I still always have to have a piece or two though - more fat girl problems).
I do hope the kitchen drawer is ok.....
Be blessed!
Morning! Well, the walk was a huge success! There was a man there with 50 years of sobriety! The turn out was great! I was given another opportunity to address the community and welcome people to visit our agency and learn how powerful peer-support is for those who suffer with mental illness. It was a great morning. I was exhausted by the time it was over though! I got home and sent him off to work, and decided I would sleep until he returned if I wanted to. That plan quickly came to a hault! As I was laying my head down on the pillow, my nephews called and asked if they could come over and have a sleepover at my house. They know I won't say no, so they were here 3 hours later. I did sleep for 2 hours though, I had to get a nap in!
We went to the local mini golf place for mini golf, go kart racing, and arcade games. It always cost me a LOT of money when they come over. No wonder they like to come to my house for the night. lol That's the price you pay to be the "cool Aunt" though, so I'm ok with it 😉 We stopped and picked up chicken at a take out restaurant and come home for a late dinner. They were knocked out by 10:30pm and I was barely holding my eyes opened when my fiance got home from work at 11:15pm. Long day!
I slept til 9am! I'm so pleased that they were quietly entertaining themselves while I slept. They are getting older. It's much easier to keep them now. I clearly needed the rest. I feel puffed up. I think I could have slept longer. I've been eating terribly. I'm sure that's what is weighing me down. I need to fast and eat light today or tomorrow, to get myself back on track. I always do the intermittent fasting for the 3 or 4 days in a row that I work and then splurge on the weekend. Well, the splurging has me feeling like a balloon about to burst! I wonder what a cleanse would do to me? I've always wanted to try one, but I'm afraid of them. lol I don't want to be locked in the house for 3 days while I complete it. I definitely can't fast today! My oldest son flew his new girlfriend in town for the weekend. I think they are both very sad to be apart. She has to finish her time off at her work and she's looking for a job to take when she moves here, so they are trying to steal any time together that they can to help with the separation. I hope she decides to make the move with him. He will be so broken if she doesn't. He's like me. He loves with everything he has. If he's talking marriage, you know he's completely given his entire soul to her. We shall see. Anyway - that wasn't my point at all. My point was - they are taking me to my favorite SUSHI place for dinner!!!!! I LOVE SUSHI!!!! I'm super excited! lol All of that, just to tell you I'm having sushi for dinner and I love it.
I ramble on and on sometimes. I don't know how you can bare to read it. Sorry.
You never finished your reply yesterday, I do hope that the flat didn't fall down when he started to repair the drawer. lol I hope the barbeque went well. I hope there was something there for you to eat. When we barbeque it's always more about the meat on the grill than the sides that go with it. So the meat is always the center of the gathering, and the sides are minimal. That doesn't sound to me like much of your kind of dinner. lol I can just imagine you sitting and staring at the grill with a disgusted look on your face while everyone around you is smiling and salivating with excitement. lol You are scanning the counters for some type of NON MEAT food! hahaha!
Oh dear, my entire living room is under blankets. It's a Super Fort! lol I must now make them breakfast to enjoy in their fort. I hope to hear from you soon. I'm hoping the home repairs didn't end in disaster and you're busy unearthing your salvageable items from the rubble. lol Enjoy your Sunday!
Be blessed!
BLUE I'M BACK!!!! ARE YOU THERE??!!! HEEELLLLOOOOO........ I've been locked out of the site FOREVER!!!!!
Haha San15, I'm glad you're entertained. Please feel free to chime in anytime! Welcome to our crazy little corner of the universe 🙂
Blue, I've missed you!!!! You have become a very regular part of my day, and if anyone knows me, they know I am very routine! I was having Blue withdrawals! So glad to be able to giggle at your antics again! If ever we are separated again, please email me. Maybe post as soon as you do and I'll go edit it out. I kinda like you :P I realized that you are important to me when they separated us. Your friendship and support has been invaluable to me. In the interest of burying that in the middle of this post, I'm going to ramble on in the same paragraph for a bit. I hope you don't mind. My weekend with the boys was fabulous. But at this point it feels like it was forever ago! Mini golf is absolutely the most stupid game ever, but I too love every second of it! My poor nephews would hit and hit and hit and hit the ball, until finally picking it up and dropping it in the hole. And then would ask what their "number" was for that hole....Uhhhmmm 2 GREAT JOB! lol The 6 year old did manage to get a true hole in one! I was so happy for him. He didn't even really understand how to hold the club and managed to pull that off. lol
Back to real life 🙁 So, it's been so long ago that I'm not sure if I told you that the reason I found this site was because he told me I had to find my own happiness and was quoting the big book from Alanon to me, that he deciphered with his mother. I'm not sure if I told you that his mother is the biggest codependant, enabler I have ever met and she goes to alanon to try to pull pieces from the book to excuse her from dealing with her shortcomings when it comes to dealing with her daughter and her son who are both addicts. She is a recovering heroin addict, and he is a gambling addict. She does things like, tell her son that it is "her" responsibility to find her own happiness. But forgets the part where I am also supposed to be preparing to move on without him and find my own path if he refuses to accept his problem and work to repair our relationship by addressing his gambling problem. She tells him that he's going to lose me if he doesn't stop gambling, but then she buys him cigarettes and stuff when he runs out of cash - because he gambled it all away. She infuriates me! Well, I have stuck to my guns about not giving him the money to pad him while he's broke, to help him stay comfortable. I explained to him when we started this that I was going to be focusing on my happiness, and that means that I will no longer be picking up the pieces for him when he fails himself. So, I have remained steadfast in doing that.
Well, he has now cut up his cc because it has over $600 on it in gambling charges. He has spent every single cent of his savings, and he is flat broke. Last weekend, he gambled all of his spare money away in a couple of days. By Monday, he was asking me to let him borrow some money for energy drinks and cigarettes at work. I replied no, and I love you. He knew exactly what I meant and why I said it. That happened again on Tuesday evening. (Oh, he has switched shitft and works midnights now) So on Wednesday morning, when he got home from work, I told him that it makes me very sad to tell him no and know that he is leaving to work with no money for anything and that he needs to accept that he needs help. He replied, I know it upsets you, that's why I stopped by Mom's house on my way home and borrowed $20 from her. I ALMOST EXPLODED I was so mad!!! So now, it's been a day and a half and I am still fuming mad. I want to go to her and scream and cuss at her. Common sense has kept me at home while I reel my emotions back in. But I am so angry at her. He will never realize the need to change as long as he is comfortable in his addiction and there is someone to lean on. She is the worst for that! She's been in alanon for 4 years - and hasn't changed anything about herself, other than to say "I focus on my own happiness". Which is basically her excuse for turning her cheek when she sees her children wallering in their addiction and knows that she has fed that very addiction to keep it strong. It gives her the out she needs to not have to deal with the fallout of their horrible choices. My struggle is I want so badly to tell her all of this, but I know it will permanently scar my relationship with the inlaws. I know all too well from my first failed marriage that it's in my best interest to keep peace there. So now, it's your turn Blue....TELL ME WHAT TO DO, PLEASE?!!!
On another note: my Mondays still suck! I hate the late hours! No one is showing up for the groups. They want to be home making dinner and relaxing. But my weekends seem to be forever long, so that's a positive. I'll adjust I'm sure.
Today, I will be attending the funeral of my uncle. He passed away on Tuesday morning of lung cancer. My mother's brother. She died of lung cancer too, and of course I smoked for 25 years of my life, and now I can't put the vape pen down to save my own lungs. It's better for me than the cigarettes were, but it's still bad. I need to get that out of my life and just rejoin the fresh air only club!
It's time to get ready now, so I think I'll go crush a few candies and finish my coffee and head out.
I'm so happy to be able to chat with you again my far away friend! Have the best day ever!
Be blessed
Sorry I'm so late posting. He never went to sleep when he got off work this morning, so I couldn't get a minute away to visit you. He has since eaten and crashed HARD, so I can take the time to check in.
I'm glad you ended up staying put. I know you weren't too excited about the whole moving idea in the first place. Has he gotten over the itch to relocate, or is he still searching high and low for that perfect flat? Oh and btw, congrats on the operational kitchen drawer! Kudos to him on his handyman work! haha! My ceiling fans are still whirling away, so I think I did something right with them. Either they're wired right, or one day I'll get to buy a new house because of the electrical fire that my shabby work caused. Maybe I'm a bit of a gambler too :P
He decided today that he would just try to stay awake all day, so that we could have date day and he didn't waste his only day off this week, sleeping. Well, it was a nice morning and afternoon...but here we are at almost 7pm and he's knocked out! We went to a local park that's a protected wildlife area with a mile long walk through a beautiful marsh area that ends on the shores of Lake Erie. It's gorgeous there! I always love taking those walks during the change of seasons to see how much the landscape has changed. We must have picked the perfect time to go because there were turtles sunning everywhere! I got to see 5 of my favorite little creatures, the chipmunk. I absolutely love chipmunks!! They are the cutest little things I've ever seen! Anyway, that was very relaxing and refreshing for my soul. He started the walk by asking me if I'd wipe the slate clean with his mother and forgive her, since he was the one who was at fault for putting her in that position. I explained that I realized it is his fault ultimately, but that I can not be expected to be all mooshy and lovey with the very person who is working against every bit of progress that he is making for her own personal dependancy. He knows that I would never disrespect her, but he also knows that I have absolutely no desire to sit in her face and pretend to be happy with her. I don't handle that kind of hypocracy very well. That's why he and I have so many issues about his gambling. He loves to twist his truths so as to make everything ok. It drives me insane! I already have all I can handle in dealing with that sickness with the man I love. I don't have to deal with it with his mother too. I will always respect her. I do love her. But I don't like her. I prefer to keep my distance if it's not a family event or something of that sort. I know myself well enough to know that if she is in my face too much, I will be more prone to just let her know exactly what she's done and why I don't want to be around her. I think it's safer this way. I also let him know how very sad it makes me that he has created this to benefit himself. Until he gets a grip, it's not going to get any better. He said that was the last time he will ask her for money. We shall see....
Well, my passport arrived today. Exactly 1 week after my son decided that a wedding it Italy just wasn't logical. So, here he and I sit with passports and absolutely NO destination. lol Oh well, it's something I've always wanted to have and now I do. I like that I don't have to take a cruise to explore other countries now. We can plan it, book it, and go! That's exciting. But then there's that whole financial part of it....ughhh! He still has NOTHING saved. The holidays are coming quickly, and our Christmas is expensive! He's never going to dig himself out of this pit. And of course he's been running to the gas stations all day, in between stops. It's not getting any better. I just wish he would wake up!
You must be of superhuman strength to have quit smoking. I do not ever desire to have another cigarette. Of that I am certain. But now I have this vape stuck to my hand like it's an extra limb! I hardly have any nicotine in it, but I need that whole "act" of smoking behavior. I don't know how I'll set it down now. It's just one thing replacing another. I quit for 4 years before they came out with vapes. Why is it so much harder now? Stupid vape! lol
Well, I think I still have a half of a season of Once Upon a Time left on Netflix. I guess I'll go binge watch some of that. I'm sad that it's not coming back for another season. I enjoy those fantasy, magical worlds. I was supposed to be a princess. I should be living in a castle, with a pet dragon! And a handsome, wealthy prince who doesnt' buy scratch off tickets like he needs them to breath....lol
I hope you had a great Saturday and you have a restful, lazy Sunday.
Be blessed!
I'm on my phone today. It's a bit weird. I'm a much better type on my key board tha. On my phone. I woke up early and went to church with my son. I needed the visit, so I'm glad he guilted me into it. Lol Its a cool day today. Fall has definitely arrived. We had a record breaking warm October so far, so it's actually nice to feel the cool down today. It was very warm yesterday. Perfect day for our date day walk.
The guys are watching the Brown's football game. Im kind of worthless today. I got home from church and napped. I think Im going to stay in my pajamas for the rest of the day. Well, until I have to go pick up the groceries between 8-9pm. I may wear them to the store too. I dont even get out of the car so....its tempting!
My office is closed tomorrow for Columbus Day. I love federal holidays! Im going to make some homemade chicken and dumpling soup. Yummmmm!
A turtle huh? Lol I love it. I also get it too. That really does seem to fit you. They find a quiet corner of the marsh to climb out on a limb and warm in the sun, enjoying the peace. When one was walking across the path and we walked up to it, it just climbed back into its shell. Nothing to see here! Lol yep, that's totally you! Hard, protective shell. The ability to disappear. And getting lost in your own serenity to warm in the sun. I totally get it! Lol I hate to break it to you, but I'm more like those water flipping, busy body, in your face carp that would be driving you insane as you were attempting to sun bathe.
Hey Blue! Want to go for a swim?! Why are you hiding from me?! Come back out of your shell Blue! Blue, I just got into a fight with that bossy groundhog on the other side of the swamp. Blue! Are you listening?! Lolol
What a crazy swamp that would be! Haha!
Great....she just walked in the door. Time to get off of here and pretend to be ok with her presence. Ughhh....
Have a great Sunday!
Be blessed!
I'm on my phone today. It's a bit weird. I'm a much better type on my key board tha. On my phone. I woke up early and went to church with my son. I needed the visit, so I'm glad he guilted me into it. Lol Its a cool day today. Fall has definitely arrived. We had a record breaking warm October so far, so it's actually nice to feel the cool down today. It was very warm yesterday. Perfect day for our date day walk.
The guys are watching the Brown's football game. Im kind of worthless today. I got home from church and napped. I think Im going to stay in my pajamas for the rest of the day. Well, until I have to go pick up the groceries between 8-9pm. I may wear them to the store too. I dont even get out of the car so....its tempting!
My office is closed tomorrow for Columbus Day. I love federal holidays! Im going to make some homemade chicken and dumpling soup. Yummmmm!
A turtle huh? Lol I love it. I also get it too. That really does seem to fit you. They find a quiet corner of the marsh to climb out on a limb and warm in the sun, enjoying the peace. When one was walking across the path and we walked up to it, it just climbed back into its shell. Nothing to see here! Lol yep, that's totally you! Hard, protective shell. The ability to disappear. And getting lost in your own serenity to warm in the sun. I totally get it! Lol I hate to break it to you, but I'm more like those water flipping, busy body, in your face carp that would be driving you insane as you were attempting to sun bathe.
Hey Blue! Want to go for a swim?! Why are you hiding from me?! Come back out of your shell Blue! Blue, I just got into a fight with that bossy groundhog on the other side of the swamp. Blue! Are you listening?! Lolol
What a crazy swamp that would be! Haha!
Great....she just walked in the door. Time to get off of here and pretend to be ok with her presence. Ughhh....
Have a great Sunday!
Be blessed!
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