Hahaha! I completely saw you sitting on your log (you're a pretty turtle in my imagination btw) just staring sleepily at the goings on around you, looking quite annoyed. I am cracking up right now! Thanks for the laugh. I hate to break it to you, but you do speak my language, so I'd probably be there, popping up every few hours to tell you the latest scoops on the marsh events. Which squirrel just slapped the other one for absolutely no reason and ran....that type of thing. And I'd probably accidenty soak you with a splash of water everytime I popped up or swim off. oooops...lol You'd probably grow very tired of rolling your big turtle eyes at me. hahahaha! So funny!
I didn't end up having to go pick up my grocery order. My son was out at the local racecar track for a big race, but the race ended up raining out about 10 minutes before my groceries were due to be picked up. SCORE!!!!
This midnight schedule sucks! I feel even more like I live alone now. I sleep by myself. I wake to him home, but just swap him spots. And my bed NEVER seems to get made. I hate my bed being messy all day! He's never really clear headed. I feel like it's a constant battle of "I'm kind of awake, can I fake it today". This is our sentence for at least 3 months though. I'm praying that once "bump season" comes around in 3 months, he will be able to bump back to his old shift. It sucked, but midnights has made me learn to appreciate afternoons/evenings. It is a comfort to know that they do the bump thing 4 times per year. He will submit the shift he prefers, and the shift that he prefers as a 2nd choice and they will move him to that shift, based on what choice those above him in seniority have chosen. Those who have been there longer (even 1 day longer) get the 1st choice. He made it clear that days are off of the table for him for like 4 years! His seniority will not be high enough to hold a spot on days for 4 years?! THAT SUCKS!
We talked again after his mother left. I asked him what he has responded to her when she says that she notices me pulling away from her and feels like I don't really like her. He said he just tells her "everyrthing's fine". I then told him that it's completely unfair for him to ask me to forgive her for what she's done, accept that it's his fault, and forgive him too if he hasn't even bothered to tell her that her feelings are correct. I feel like if he intends to ask me to forgive her for what she continues to do, he needs to tell her what it is that she continues to do to hurt me. He needs to be the person that tells her that he has manipulated her and that she shouldn't be sabotaging his progress by enabling him. Maybe it's a conversation that all 3 of us need to have, with him taking the lead and opening up to her. Maybe then it will ring clearly to her. (insert nasty cuss words here) IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! WHY CAN'T SHE JUST SUPPORT HIM BY NOT FEEDING HIS ADDICTION?! WHAT IS SHE LEARNING IN ALANON?!!!! WHY IS HE SO SELF CENTERED THAT IT'S OK FOR HIM TO HURT THE 2 WOMEN THAT HE CLAIMS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT TO HIM?! UGHHHH!!!!!
I'm sorry you couldn't sleep again. Have I already suggested Melatonin? It's a natural supplement that you can take. I haven't ever tried it, because I don't really have trouble. But many of my clients do use it, and they swear by it. It may help to regulate your sleep to where you have a good, restful nights sleep each night instead of 3 days of no sleep, followed by sleeping for an entire day. lol You poor thing. That has to suck! Regardless, I hope that when you finally fell asleep, it was good rest. I hope that your Monday is a great start of your work week. You know I won't complain, but yes, we do seem to have a lot of federal holidays. lol I almost pull it off when I look at my clients with a super sad face and say "Unfortunatley, I won't be here on Monday. We're closed for the holiday" while in my mind I'm saying "Peace Out, Wewt Wewt!!!" lol
I'm going to go start the chicken and dumplings. Have I mentioned how much I love my crockpot?! It cooks my food slowly and I don't have to worry about burning and it fills my house with wonderful smells all day <3 I know you're not into the chicken part, but you'd love my dumplings! Big fluffy, flavorful clouds of deliciousness!!! This fat girl loves dumplings!!! I should probably do some laundry today too....or not. lol
Be blessed!
Look at you! You've got people noticing you are uplifted! See, you can do it! You can look interested and maybe even a bit involved if you try! lol I feel like you're less than excited about a logo, or the endless emails and phone calls you're dealing with around it. Fake it til you make it!
My day off was nice. There were a lot of news programs about the whole "Columbus Day" thing. There are a lot of native american people who are highly offended by this day, with good reason. Christopher Columbus is celebrated for discovering America, but the truth is, there were already people here. The American Indian is the true founder of our country. They celebrate the man who started the process of robbing the Native American of their land and home. That's the ugly truth. Now, many states in the US are standing up and uniting to NOT honor Columbus Day. It's a big f you to the creators of that holiday and to pay respect to those who lost so much, the Native Americans.
I stayed pretty busy all day with cooking and cleaning. My stove has never been so clean! It takes a beaten with all of the cooking all of the time. Especially since I cook such large meals. It needed a good scrubbing. Speaking of large meals.....the crockpot of chicken and dumplings turned into 2 large pots of chicken and dumplings by the time I was done making dumplings! lol I have enough to feed the family for 2 days and freeze for an entire different meal! So I shall! lol They were delicious btw!
I agree with the man thing! They have it so easy when it comes to the annoying things in life that we get to deal with. I think life would be much easier if we could all switch bodies with the opposite gender for the day. Let them have a taste of our lives and vice versa.
I don't really have much to share with you today. It's difficult to concentrate and share with him wandering around the house. I know he hears me in here clicking away at the keys. I guess I will go crush candy and get ready to start this day. I hope you have a good day! Don't forget, people like to see you smile 🙂
Be blessed!
Wow! I just typed for an hour about the battle I'm having with these gnats in my house, and I accidently hit a button when I was reaching for the bug spray and it all disappeared 🙁 I am at war over here!!!! I have thrown out my only house plant (mostly just a dead carcus of one since I suck at growing them), bleached all of my drains, removed every vegetable and fruit from my house, and set traps of apple cider vinegar and dishsoap out. I am walking around with my bug spray in my hand incase I find one stupid enough to fly within spraying distance. It's a warzone and I am the warrior! I originaly thought I had a few gnats, but according to the body count in my vinegar traps, there's LOTS! And now I'm completely grossed out and they must be evicted or die!!!! Wish me luck!
I totally agree with that gentleman's apprehension to switch with you. I'm pretty certain you would set him up to experience the FULL weight of being a woman, and you would get the biggest kick out of it! lol That's why I like you! You're hilarious!!!
The weight of a good comfy blanket can be a prison! It has prevented me from moving for entire days before! Speaking of comfy blankets, have I ever suggested a weighted blanket to you for your sleep? My mom always had the BEST bed to sleep in. I understand why now. They have begun selling weighted blankets online. They are extremely expensive! My mom always had 2 or 3 blankets on her bed. The one touching her would be a light one (almost felt like a sheet material) and then a heavy quilt (crocheted or something heavy like that) and then her decorative one for the bed spread. I used to love climbing under her blankets. Now I understand why. The weight is very good for people with insomnia and for those who suffer with depression. Maybe try that sometime. But make sure it's on the weekend. You may sleep for a LONG time at first. lol
I had so much more typed before, but I'm running out of time to retype everything. I guess I will end for now. Have a wonderful day my friend!
Be blessed!
Haha! She's on a mission folks! Stand back and break out the gas masks! That washer doesn't stand a chance!!!
I wasn't insinuating that you were depressed. I was just telling you what the blankets are used for. I was insinuating that it may be insomnia. I understand now that it isn't. Thanks for the clarity. I too can not stand to be hot! But I'm a confused mess about sleep. I love a heavy blanket, but my feet are usually popped out of the bottom and my fan is ALWAYS on! I have to have a fan blowing, even if it's not pointed at me. I just need fresh air circulating in the room.
I changed the traps yesterday, as there seemed to be about 30 gnats in each container! Well, the war isn't over! This morning there are about 20 in each. WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!!! And either the vinegar causes them to P**f up when they die, or they are ALL adults! UGHHHH!!!! When will it end!!! I know I must look like a raving lunatic sitting here by myself. If you looked through my windows in the evening, you would find me sitting on the couch watching television and swatting and clapping in mid air at what looks like nothing - but it's A GNAT!!!! They tease me and torment me by flying right across my nose. I'm sure they're hoping I'll swat at them and smack myself right in the face. Little evil monsters!!!
It is FREEZING this morning here!!! The temps dropped about 25 degrees overnight. I have my hooded sweatshirt and jeans on today. Needless to say, my scale said terrible things to me when I stepped on it dressed in my warm weather clothes. I'm going to blame it on the clothes, not the huge bowl of peanut butter ice cream and salted caramel chocolate ice cream that I ate last night. It's the clothes! lol
I actually slept in a bit today. Well, that means that my alarm actually woke me up. So I have to run. Not alot of time to visit today. Thanks for the morning smiles and giggles! I look forward to you checking in after you've completed your mission and return from the war with the washing machine. Happy Scrubbing!
Be blessed!
Fingers crossed! I think those dirty, little, annoying creatures are gone! I am so off today though, that I could probably have one sitting on the tip of my nose and not notice.
So his niece was induced yesterday, and we drove 2 hours away to be there when the baby arrived. We sat in the hospital waiting room for 22 HOURS with no sleep. Finally giving up and driving back home and getting to be after around 25 HOURS of no sleep. That's for me anyway. He had worked all night the night before, so he had about 37 HOURS of no sleep. Needless to say, I went to bed at 8am'ish and now 2:30 pm. I'm sitting in my pajamas, debating on if it would be acceptable to just make my coffee and start my day, when my day is already half over. I think I will!
He does the poker thing too. I was so unbelievably annoyed last night. We were on our way to the hospital and he "had to pee" 3 times on a 2 hour drive. So that equalled 3 stops, where he bought stupid lottery tickets on the way to the hospital. Then, all night at the hospital, he was playing poker for money, betting money on the time of birth, weight, and length of the baby. It was so annoying! It made me so sad. We had talked in the car about it. I asked him to please just let the focus be on his niece for the day. She deserved that. She has health issues that could have lead to some very dangerous complications. I asked him to just put his focus on bringing good fibes and many prayers her way. He assured me that he would. That I was right, and that it just wasn't right to be obsessing on gambling, during a time like that. But yet, he did. Over and over and over and over again. It's so sad. He's not even able to enjoy the small treasures that life has to offer, and make those memories, because he is constantly tormented by the obsession with numbers and what ifs.
You're right. So many people strugge with one form or another. We all have our crosses to bare. Kudos to your collegue for reaching out for help (or so we assume). Having had an addiction is not the focus, as much as the healing and recovery. That's the key! It's not about where you've been or the mistakes that you've made, because we've all got a few stories.... It's about realizing you have an issue, and facing the issue head one. I am still, and always will battle with my addiction to food. I acknowledge that I have an issue with overeating, and overeating bad food. If I weren't addicted to it, I wouldn't have a weight problem. I wouldn't have back or join issues that are caused by my weight. I would look, and feel much better than I do. I wouldn't just wish to be overweight. I can understand the struggle when I think of it in that perspective. I try my best not to be judgemental. But it's hard not to be when it's someone you love and want to save. I'm also trying to learn how to let go of that and allow him to realize for himself that change is necessary FOR HIMSELF. That's my struggle. It's harder to separate myself from the issue when it's someone I love. I am a great support to people that I am not emotionally connected to. I can see their issues more clearly, walk them through the steps more streadily, and encourage them to focus on recovery more gently. But with my family I find myself wanting to scream and fight and force! I know it's wrong and I know I mustn't. I'm trying that new discipline on for size. And much like clothes shopping, it fits me weird! Iol I'll keep searching for my size, rack after rack after rack though! lol
I'm so glad you're connecting with your video store friends! I remember you saying how much you enjoy them! That's good food for the soul! I'm sure that if they knew the poker was a trigger or encouraged your bad behaviors, they wouldn't ever intentionally invite you for that. It's sad that something that seems so innocent, like playing cards with your mates, could be something so deeply disturbing for someone. Much like the torment I face when I am offered to attend a party or someone bakes something delicious and offers it to me. They mean only good and are being friends, but in my world it is a torment. Should I take it? Should I go to the party? Will that be during a time that I am not fasting? Could I mix up my fasting schedule for that week to accomodate it? There are literally hundreds of questions that I ask myself around those kind of things. Because the truth is, if its something yummy that they are offering, or a party with lots of yummy food, I absolutely want it! I want to walk in the door, like everyone else I see and say "Oh wow! Look at this, I think I'll have a little of everything" or "Oh wow! That dessert looks amazing, I'll have a piece now, would you join me in having some" But that's not how it works for people like me. I small pass leads to a junkfood festival! And here, all they were doing was being friendly. 🙁
Ohp! Just got the text. The baby has arrived! A picture of him too. He's perfect! I must go wake up the fiance and tell him the news! Have a wonderful, busy day! Don't forget to treat yourself very well for having been a busy bee all day. You deserve a reward!
Be blessed!
OH NO!
WHAT HAPPENED?!
BLUE YOU HAVE DISAPPEARED! ALL OF YOUR POSTS ARE GONE 🙁
EMAIL ME IF YOU CAN SEE THIS.
Hi San15,
I'm fine. 🙂 Thanks for asking.
It was just bad luck, not much anyone can do, I guess.
Two weeks ago I tried to post, but it failed several times. After the last try I got a message that my account got deleted due to spam. First I thought "Well then. Lucky me. Within a few weeks noone would even remember... What was I thinking anyways, writing all this?"
Later I saw her message on here, that confused me a bit, maybe it wasn't so nice that I just disappeared... even though I didn't do it on purpose...? And I liked having a chat with her. Afterall, this already went on for a few weeks then. So I finally emailed her to tell her I'm ok. Just leaving it to that didn't seem right afterall, though, I have to admit, the temptation was there. Cut and out, this never happened.
After nearly two weeks I now signed up again. Leaving without a word would just be wrong. I'm done with this kind of ignorance, ain't I?
Well... a clean slate it is then... again...
Thank you all for being here. Ending up here finally opened my eyes to realizing what a fool I've been all those years.
Sorry for boring the hell out of you guys with those stories about food and sunburn.
Wishing you well on your individual journeys to a life without the firm grips of this s**t, however long it might take, on which 'side of the fence' you might be...
Keep on going on. I'll do that, no matter what! I owe that to myself and those around me.
hmmm....this place looks familiar.....I think I've been here before.....
JUST KIDDING!!! 🙂 HI GUYS!!! BLUE, YOU're BACK!!!!! YAY!!!!!
San, thanks for the kind words and well wishes. Yes, I did manage to find Blue outside of these walls. Thank God!!! I was having a meltdown not being able to communicate! It's amazing how such basic conversations can come to mean so much. We really don't talk about much. lol Our conversations are probably the most boring, long-winded stuff people have ever read. But I look very much forward to them! They keep me sane. They keep me balanced.
I tell Blue all of the time how grateful I am for the guidence and friendship. Worlds apart, yet connected to my heart. I must admit it was a shock to my system when the posts disapeared and she did too! I thought I would die! I was so thankful for the email when it came. So thankful!
I hate to make this post short, since you know I love to ramble on. But I have a raging headache. I think it's my sinuses. Stupid weather change is kicking my a**! It actually hurts to stare at this white screen and try to focus on the typing, so I will go for now. It is so nice to see you here Blue! You know I will be on the other line always too. Reach me however you like, as long as you stay in touch 🙂
Have a great Sunday San and Blue!
Be blessed!
Right back atcha San! I appreciate the well wishes!
May the spirit of Christmas warm your heart and home.
God bless!
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