Is it the end?

Good evening, 

I'm sorry to hear that your partner's gambling has begun to affect your relationship with your partner

You may want to consider relationship counselling through Relate www.relate.org.uk. There is also Click Click Relationships for which has a helpline you can access for relationship advice https://click.clickrelationships.org/home/all-issues/

Gambling can affect relationships and it is not unknown for relationships to come to an end due to gambling, however there is support for relationships which are experiencing difficulties due to gambling and it is possible for a relationship to recover. 

If you have any reason to believe that your partner may be at risk of self-harm or suicide if you chose to end the relationship there is The Samaritans available here www.samaritans.org

Thank you

Hi

You have been with your partner for over 5 years and that is a huge investment in to a relationship.

It indicates that he  is emotionally vulnerable and that he has certain emotiontional triggers.

His emotiontional triggers may be the same as mine pains not healed, fears not reduced or face, frustrations due to his unresonabale expectations of people life and situations.

His emotiontional triggers may be the same as mine feeling lonely and fearing emotional intimacy, and feeling he is bored and not fully productive in his life.

What helps so much was for me to hand over all  finaces to my wife, even though I felt it was a control issue it was not so.

The simple truth the money was the fuel for my addictions.

Even though he may not show it he is living in high levels of his fears.

The fears are the consquences of his pains from the past not being healed and his fears not being faced or reduced.

In time once we get in to the recovery program money issues get resolved, it may take some time.

Often partners are angry not because of the money lost but the fact the feel betrayed and lied to.

His addiction since his late teens indciates that he has not healed the hurt inner child in him self.

No one can heal our hurt inner child, the same way I am not able to heal my wifes pains and her fears.

My wife asked me to be onest each day if I had gambled, she said she did not want to know what money was lost she just wanted me to be honest for one day.

My honesty helped her feel more secure in her self.

If you partner stayed focused on his recovery over time he will pay back your money but more importantly he will have a much healthier emotional itnimacy with himself and with you.

Our trust issues indcated how insecure we feel with in our self.

Good question the repercussions of being in the recovery program,

Commitment to meetings.

The more honest we are the less fear we live in.

Reduced fears lead to more trust and more healthy emotional intimacy.

The more healthy emotional intimacy the quicker we heal the hurt inner child in us.

The truth is your realtions was a loss to you and your partner.

Investment in the recovery opens your eyes as to how emotionally vulnerable your partner was.

The addictions and obsessions did indicate an unhealthy spiral to self destruction.

You have been lied to countless times just like other partners to addicts.

It is important that you attend meetings for partners and family as the whole family needs to heal in healthy ways.

There is a reson why people marry addicts.

The simple truth you ahve beenmarried to a vulnerable person over 5 years.

Do not focus on money lost, focus on healing a family of the pains of our past.

Make arrangements that payments are with in your budget.

Do not try and pay back to quickly that leads to people going back to the unhealthy habits.

If yu both invest time and effort in to your recovery you will heal together.

The countless times just indicate hoiw much fear there is.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

@gadaveuk thank you for you words of advice. I was willing to invest the time but he was always reluctant to get sustained professional help. I wish you well on your journey.